What do you do with a partner who doesn't want to change?

Zazen999

nirelandguy wrote: »

Because I am fed up trying to do it on my own

What's 'it'?

Why do you want to to 'it'?

What is your endgame?

claire1234

please make sure you take time out for yourself as well, it can be very stressful trying to handle on the finances and keeping peace in the household,

it sounds like just have some driving lessons will be like a bit of therapy for you!

am i right in thinking you both work so thats 2 wages coming in and you have a child (so child benefit coming in? )
im thinking if your strong enough to put all wages into your account and you pay all the bills that way you`ve got complete control and you have peace of mind that what you want paid is done, you can do your soa to how you want it to be and have no mishaps,
then with the child benefit ( about £20 is it? im not sure ) put that into a account as "spends" for your OH,
i know it really does sound like treating her as a child but in the long run it will help smooth out the finances.

i do all the finances in our house and all money goes into one account then i use the internet banking to make sure everything is paid, i dont think my oh has quite reached his LBM but he is getting quite good.
i use to get really depressed and stressed out with it all but this year i make sure i follow my soa to a t and feel much better the past 6 months,
i usually print out a soa and leave it on the dinning table for oh to read,

good luck with everything

System

Zazen999 wrote: »

What's 'it'?

Why do you want to to 'it'?

What is your endgame?

To have our debts at a managable level and have enough money left over to live not just survive. Even simple things that most couple take for granted our out of our league like going out for a meal.

System

claire1234 wrote: »

please make sure you take time out for yourself as well, it can be very stressful trying to handle on the finances and keeping peace in the household,

it sounds like just have some driving lessons will be like a bit of therapy for you!

am i right in thinking you both work so thats 2 wages coming in and you have a child (so child benefit coming in? )
im thinking if your strong enough to put all wages into your account and you pay all the bills that way you`ve got complete control and you have peace of mind that what you want paid is done, you can do your soa to how you want it to be and have no mishaps,
then with the child benefit ( about £20 is it? im not sure ) put that into a account as "spends" for your OH,
i know it really does sound like treating her as a child but in the long run it will help smooth out the finances.

i do all the finances in our house and all money goes into one account then i use the internet banking to make sure everything is paid, i dont think my oh has quite reached his LBM but he is getting quite good.
i use to get really depressed and stressed out with it all but this year i make sure i follow my soa to a t and feel much better the past 6 months,
i usually print out a soa and leave it on the dinning table for oh to read,

good luck with everything

Its a good idea in theory, but it is treating her like a child, she may not like it.

Nixxx

Perhaps you could become a mystery shopper. This could help towards meals out etc.

Cheesedoff_2

Hi, I know exactly where your coming from! My husband left the navy in April, took a £16k a year pay cut and still has debt from a previous relationship, He has no concept of money management.
He borrowed £6k to pay off a student debt which was attached to his earnings in the navy and as such got a tax rebate of £1300 in Oct 08s pay packet.....i didnt see anything of this and didnt know a thing about it until i found his pay packet wedged behind a drawer. Needless to say within a few days of him knowing he had it, it was spent. (on what, i have no idea!)
Basically, i took over his accounts completely. He has a pre paid credit card to which i put on spending money, i have taken his account card off him and i manage his debts, unfortunately he has the "if i ignore it, it will go away" issue.
My turn of thought is, if you are childish enough not to be responsible for debts and bills, you are not responsible to have full access of your account.
work out a financial plan of what you HAVE to pay out and slightly overbudget. Seperate the NEEDS and WANTS.... and explain that chocolate is a want and not a need, she wont die if none is consumed! Ive managed to help my hubby pay off several hundreds of pounds in debt. Internet banking is fantastic, i go online every few days and check to see whats gone out, going out and what needs to remain in the bank to cover DDs and standing orders. i even went so far as to set up an account for all the DDs and SOs and put in the money at the begining of the month so you know full well that they will be paid. anything left is either saved or once in a while spent on a small treat....

System

Nixxx wrote: »

Perhaps you could become a mystery shopper. This could help towards meals out etc.

Yes I've been interested in that, how do you go about it?

Zazen999

nirelandguy wrote: »

To have our debts at a managable level and have enough money left over to live not just survive. Even simple things that most couple take for granted our out of our league like going out for a meal.

Do you have a spreadsheet that calculates what that level is, with income/outgoings which calculates when that will be and how quickly you can get there if you do x and y?

Zazen999

nirelandguy wrote: »

Its a good idea in theory, but it is treating her like a child, she may not like it.

The method isn't treating her like a child; it is taking the temptation out of her hands and sharing any money that you have left between you.

If you can clearly see what is going out when, with clear finances, then it makes it easier to budget.

louise3965

Do you love her though?