What do you do with a partner who doesn't want to change?

System

RAS wrote: »

In whose name are the household accounts?

Electric and phone are in hers. Maybe I am treating her like a child, maybe I should give her full responsibility for say 1 month and see what happens?

System

euronorris wrote: »

Has she ever offered a full explanation as to why she gives up on it so quickly? Other than 'what's the point of living', as that isn't really an explanation in my eyes.

I'm sure you've already tried, but, perhaps if you can fully understand her behaviour, then you can start to address it properly and with more succesful results.

If this has already been tried, then please don't take offence. It's always best to check.

I think to be honest she is depressed, and spending is a way of relieving that, I'm depressed myself but spending what I shouldn't just makes me worse in the long run

euronorris

nirelandguy wrote: »

I think to be honest she is depressed, and spending is a way of relieving that, I'm depressed myself but spending what I shouldn't just makes me worse in the long run

OK, well then perhaps you can both have an honest chat about why you are depressed and that work together to find some positive, cheap/ free solutions to improve your mood and situation.

Sometimes, the littlest changes can improve things far more dramatically then you ever thought possible.

misspoppy

Hi

I don't think letter her screw up the household bills for a month is going to help you. Could you have a joint account that all wages get paid in and then have a standing order to each of your seperate accounts for spending. Don't let her have a card for this account so she cant spend the money and that way you can save up for kids clothes etc. Do the food shopping online, and tell her you want to go with her when she is shopping for the kids and house items. Its the only way to ensure the kids stuff is bought with the money provided.

It won't be a pleasant conversation but you need to get a grip of the situation. The other thing is relationship counselling so you can get to the bottom of the spending problem what is she spending the money on?

jacki981

you poor thing! i do all our accounting! my oh gets nothing not because he has been bad but cos we have nothing left at the end of the month. he works his !!!! off and never moans about it. Things are improving and we aim to have £50 pound a month each by april as spending money with the rest being for bills saving ect have you asked her to sit and discuss with you to sort the problem out. write a plan or give her spending money till she shows an ounce of self disapln and remorse.
i hope your son isnt being affected to much by all of this

Zazen999

Why do you want her to change? [go with me on this one]...

RAS

nirelandguy wrote: »

Electric and phone are in hers.

Which household bills are in your name?

wilf55

why dont you shop online for everything so she doesnt need to take much money with her to work ...... try and include treats etc so she feels she gets something for working..even if its getting her hair done as a reward almost

i know its hard i have same problem with chores in our house.. different but same principle behind it

System

RAS wrote: »

Which household bills are in your name?

Hmmm none I don't think,

zzzLazyDaisy

Please don't shoot me down in flames, this is just a comment.

You say that you have an income of £15,000 pa. Is that your earnings, or your joint income? If it is joint, what does she earn, compared to you?

The reason I ask is that you refer to her failure to pay 'her half' of the bills etc, which might be difficult for her, if her earnings are significantly less than yours.

I do realise that it can be soul destroying to live with someone who has no concept of money management (I have been there) but equally if your OH can't cope, she may also feel there is no point in trying to achieve the impossible (in her eyes).