Bad husband!

nearlyrich

My ex OH took up clubbing after DS was born, he couldn't handle responsibility, he was seeing someone else I found out when 7 months PG with DD.

Some men can't cope with being a dad, being responsible for a family and are not worth wasting your tears on, hope it all works out OK for you OP.

taxi97w

nearlyrich wrote: »

Some men can't cope with being a dad, being responsible for a family and are not worth wasting your tears on, hope it all works out OK for you OP.

Because they never wanted to be in the first place imo. Women (many on here-you've just got to read this board) are desperate for a baby and the men aren't. Then the women are surprised when the men go 'off' on one.

party_of_five

I've been in a similar relationship (although we didn't have kids) and I stuck it out for two years, crying all the time and driving myself to the brink of a breakdown because I honestly thought I couldn't cut it on my own. When it all went too far, I left and I was surprised to find that after a couple of weeks that the feelings of despair that I felt to find myself on my own and homeless (he kept the flat, the money and all the furniture - not sure why now) that I was coping and actually starting to enjoy life again.

I'm not advocating leaving as a solution, I'm just staying that staying put because you are worried about life alone is not always a good solution either. I hope things get easier for you...

nearlyrich

taxi97w wrote: »

Because they never wanted to be in the first place imo. Women (many on here-you've just got to read this board) are desperate for a baby and the men aren't. Then the women are surprised when the men go 'off' on one.

It was a joint decision to have children in our case;) if a man isn't ready to commit he should say so before the event rather than going off the rails after the birth

jak

I agree. We tried for 11 months before I got pg and he was as desperate as me to have a baby. Now he's here he can't just decide it's too much responsibility. My son is so beautiful. I dont want him to be caught in the middle of all this.
We are going to Relate tomorrow night to see if that might help make things clearer.

Bettyboop

I'm in the same situation as you and devastation doesn't even describe my insides. My husband said he never slept with the tramp he met but he did. I spoke to her and she said they didn't because he told her to lie so I wouldn't divorce him. It's almost like someone died for me. I haven't eaten in two days and all I have been doing is crying and crying more. The hurt is unbelievable. I hope you will be okay and that your husband isn't lying about sleeping with. You aren't alone and for what it's worth we can maybe help each other... This morning I wished I didn't wake up but when you have kids they still need care. Wishing you all the best.

foxy-roxy

How awful for you OP and Bettyboop, but only you know if your marriage is worth fighting for, if he is a husband worth having etc.
I just hope you can forgive because i am a very bitter person and i know i would torture myself with images etc. and i think disgust would eventually start to overtake any love i had.
But everyone is different, i know some people who have credited affairs to making there marriage stronger, i hope this is the case for you if it what you truly want.

Good Luck,

Bettyboop

foxy-roxy wrote: »

How awful for you OP and Bettyboop, but only you know if your marriage is worth fighting for, if he is a husband worth having etc.
I just hope you can forgive because i am a very bitter person and i know i would torture myself with images etc. and i think disgust would eventually start to overtake any love i had.
But everyone is different, i know some people who have credited affairs to making there marriage stronger, i hope this is the case for you if it what you truly want.

Good Luck,

foxy-roxy, I am torturing myself with images (him in his tramps arms) actually I have a worse name for her but I don't think it's appropriate to put it on here. Like you I am disgusted and legs as I write this are weightless... It's a feeling I never knew I exsisted until now. I wish today would hurry up and finsh... Sorry to ramble on your thread OP

misgrace

Jak, I have only come across this thread, and my heart goes out to you. Just take time to think and get your head together, I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance, and if the second chance dont work, at least you have tried and given that person a second chance.
I hope it works out for you.

Bettyboop, You too are suffering, and my heart goes out to you too.
Am not taking anything away from Jak, but I get the impression that you have been through the mill and back again, but you still have the compassion to offer some support to Jak.

The only words I can offer, and I talk from experience, is that no one can hurt you any more worse than you have already been hurt.

My first husband did things that you only read about in the papers, or you see in a film,but you will get stronger, and you will survive.
You have too, if you have kids, like I had kids, they were the ones who made me fight.
I would have welcomed a 3 legged stool and a strong rope, but i had kids, and I was thier mother, the strong one, the one they looked up too.
And even though I was in pieces, they never saw it.

Years later, I have two fantastic strong kids, never given me any trouble, and have made something of thier lives because I was strong in front of them, and kids learn from thier parents.

So to Jak and bettyboop, even though you think your in a deep dark tunnel, there is light at the end, I am proof of that.

Keep strong, keep positive, things can only get better.

cit_k

o/p - you have not said how you found out he was seeing someone else and spent 2 nights with her.

Was it someone else gossiping?
Did the person in question tell you?
Did your other half tell you?
What evidence do you have, or is it just an assumption he is seeing someone else as he was away two nights?

What I am trying to say is, are you basing this on gossip,or reasonable fact, or what you think happened?