Should you ever settle?

anony.mouse_3

KellyWelly wrote: »

Who still has it? Why do they still have it? What do they do to maintain it?

I have no idea.

anony.mouse_3

MrsE wrote: »

Maybe its not about finding the "perfect" person, maybe its about accepting someones faults as they accept yours.
None of us are perfect, maybe you should stop looking for someone perfect as I'm sure you're not perfect (& thats not a dig).

Or are you looking not for the perfect man, but the perfect man for you?

I'm definitely not perfect, and I'd never profess to be. You've hit the nail on the head though. How do you know if you have the perfect man for you? And what do you do if you realise you haven't but have invested your best years in the relationship?

moodydonkey

anony.mouse wrote: »

I was badly hurt by previous partners and made a conscious decision that I would value dependability over excitement in future relationships. My husband is certainly dependable, but the lack of excitement over a number of years is getting to me. On the other hand none of my previous partners would have been accepted by my family, and my family do adore my husband.

My fairytale is to have it all. To adore and be adored, to feel valued and respected and cared for. To feel happy more days than not. I see couples that have been married for decades who still have that, so it must be possible.

I was hurt, very badly previously but chose differently to you, I chose what I wanted. Don't dwell too much on what you see because it isn't always the truth.

MrsE_2

anony.mouse wrote: »

My fairytale is to have it all. To adore and be adored, to feel valued and respected and cared for. To feel happy more days than not. I see couples that have been married for decades who still have that, so it must be possible.

Yeah it is possible.

But don't for one minute think they don't have rows & fights too.

I've been with DH 16 years, he's my Mr Perfect, but he's not perfect, just perfect for me.

But we row & argue, he annoys me, I sulk, I annoy him. But he still "does it for me" (& I don't just mean sex), is that what you mean?

sharkie

Sort yourself out first. Nothing is ever perfect. Decide if you can accept him for what he is, as he probably accepts you for whom you are (even if you are not perfect), if not then do him the courtesy of kindly and gently moving on and give him a chance, rather than saying in a relationship because it makes you feel safe, convenient and easy.

Are you sure his mess may be just you picking at things for the point of arguing or 'wrongness'? You do not state or sound like you have money problems and a part time cleaner would solve the scatted paper effect look. I get the impression he is in your way, 'cramping your style' and I do not feel convinced that the nagging will stop, just move onto another topic/whinge.

Disney was a liar! He sold us the impossible dream of living happy ever after and worry free - it is a fairy tail and not real life.

We all act as different people to different groups for friends - it is natural. We are who an what we are and how they make us feel

poet123

I agree it is possible. We have been married for 28 years, and he still does it for me, is he perfect? no.....we row, I hold a grudge, he is grumpy, tired, overworked, untidy, no diy king, etc etc, I nag, talk too much, that is life. BUT you know deep down if it is right, if it is not no amount of fudging the issue will fix that.

anony.mouse_3

MrsE wrote: »

Yeah it is possible.

But don't for one minute think they don't have rows & fights too.

I've been with DH 16 years, he's my Mr Perfect, but he's not perfect, just perfect for me.

But we row & argue, he annoys me, I sulk, I annoy him. But he still "does it for me" (& I don't just mean sex), is that what you mean?

To be honest I don't know what I mean. That's part of what the therapy is for.

At a basic level I'd like to feel, for just a minute or 2 of every day, that I'd rather be here than somewhere else. Most of the time I just don't know.

MrsE_2

I believe I've found my Mr Right, my soul mate & the man I was supposed to meet & be with.

But I've had a lot of boyfriends before him & even a first husband. None of them ever felt so right as he does.............

BUT what if fate hadn't conspired that I met him????

Would I still be waiting???

What if you don't met your Mr Perfect???

Do you want to let go of what you have, in exchange for what you may or may not find???

MrsE_2

anony.mouse wrote: »

To be honest I don't know what I mean. That's part of what the therapy is for.

At a basic level I'd like to feel, for just a minute or 2 of every day, that I'd rather be here than somewhere else. Most of the time I just don't know.

I'm saying that what couples show on the outside isn't always what is really going on behind closed doors.
They may appear to have great marriages & be really unhappy behind it all.

anony.mouse_3

sharkie wrote: »

Sort yourself out first. Nothing is ever perfect. Decide if you can accept him for what he is, as he probably accepts you for whom you are (even if you are not perfect), if not then do him the courtesy of kindly and gently moving on and give him a chance, rather than saying in a relationship because it makes you feel safe, convenient and easy.

Are you sure his mess may be just you picking at things for the point of arguing or 'wrongness'? You do not state or sound like you have money problems and a part time cleaner would solve the scatted paper effect look. I get the impression he is in your way, 'cramping your style' and I do not feel convinced that the nagging will stop, just move onto another topic/whinge.

Disney was a liar! He sold us the impossible dream of living happy ever after and worry free - it is a fairy tail and not real life.

We all act as different people to different groups for friends - it is natural. We are who an what we are and how they make us feel

Thank you for this post. There's no way my husband would feel comfortable having a cleaner (and I didn't think cleaners tidied, just clean). I just hope that the therapy will help me make these decisions.