my MIL has took over my wedding planning and is organising things without telling me

debs2327

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Tell her to bloody back off its your day not hers there is nothing left to organise so she can go and bloody sulk the old bag! She is bang out of order! You aint a child and have a mouth so she doesn't need to speak for you b!tch.

Sorry she has me annoyed and I don't even know her! lol

Steph xx

omg my god i love you you have hit the nail on the head perfectly thanks you xxxxxxxxxxx

rene2b

awww deb,
id speck to her NOW,and if she is like you say then wouldnt it be best to not have her there!!at the end of the day ITS YOURS AND BAZ'S DAY NOT HERS..gave her the chance to explain herself then tell your story that way u both know were u stand,then speck to your bridesmaids and explain to them what as been happening im sure your bridesmaids will help you with anything elsa you need help with
if you leave it you will regrett everything to do with your wedding and you shouldnt feel like that...

after you have spoken to her ask her for some help in moving your stuff back to yours if she is off with you when just tell her she is not welcome to the wedding unless she can HELP not take over!!!!

tell her how you feel..

at the end of the day
whats the worse that can happen?
1,she doesnt come and you both have a great day the way 'you'wanted it

2,you speck to her and she attends and just HELPS.
or

3,you dont speck to her and she takes over the whole day!!

i really do hope you sort this xx

debs2327

ClareEmily wrote: »

Oh hun big hugs, weddings really do turn normal folk (relatives) into complete nightmares.

She would probably be totally horrified if she knew how much she had upset you, and she really does probably think she is helping you out by arranging things.

In all honesty, I would take a deep breath, let her organise what the hell she wants to especially with so little time until your big day, as long as your hubby is waiting for you with a smile and your children look gorgeous I wouldn't worry about anything else.

I hated all the run up to my wedding, my family did the same and I nearly made myself ill worrying about everything. In the end it all came together and it was the best day ever.

You need to become the better person, if you suddenly blow your top everyone will be oh look little miss bridezilla. Smile, say thanks for all your help give her a huge bunch of flowers on the day and people will be saying my goodness what an angel she is to put up with that bossy old bag.

It is her son's big day and I think she has let it go to her head some what.

I got ready at my friend's house in the end on the morning of the wedding as I knew my mum would stress me out no end.

AND have a fantastic day, take your bridemaid's out for a spa day after the wedding ...without your MIL.

you are totally right and what you have said is basically the conversation me and baz had as if i have a rant now i`ll just look like the bridezilla as she would make it all out that she was only helping and i wasnt gratefull , theres nothing to arrange now only the favours to make up and me and baz is doing them all the other sil`s wil know after maybe before the wedding what has happened so i know my side will eventually get accross and they will all know what i put up with , we are going to make sure we look a perfect little family me hubby and our gorgeous 3 kids xxx

Rosie75

I think ClareEmily is spot on, and I speak as someone who has had not a jot of help, either financial or practical from anyone. My parents don't want to know anything about the wedding and my in-laws are both in a care home with advanced dementia. It is absolutely exhausting planning everything on top of a busy, more-than-fulltime job, and it's dispiriting spending thousands of pounds on a wedding that no one else seems remotely interested in. I can tell you that one of the highlights of my wedding day is going to be waking up and knowing that all the planning is finally over and I will never have to do it again. But perhaps that's just me - I just don't seem to have the bridal gene! Personally I would have been delighted if someone had taken charge of certain aspects of the planning: in fact, I'm not having any bridesmaids, partly due to cost, but mainly because I wanted to keep things as simple as possible as the wedding is such a huge thing to organise by myself.

What I'm wondering is whether your MIL is really being a "b!tch", as someone has suggested, or does she just think she's taking some of the pressure off you, and that she's only doing what you asked given that you asked her for help in the first place? Is she contributing anything financially (even if she isn't, she might see her "help" as a substitute for any financial input). I'm a bit confused by the wedding party outfits - has she just organised the fittings based on outfits you'd already chosen, or did she go and choose the outfits herself? If the former, I really don't think what she has done is so terrible. You say that if you bring it up she'll make out that she was just trying to be helpful - do you suspect her of having another motivation other than just helping you?

As EmilyClare says, you really need to be the bigger person here. If you fall out now, so close to the wedding, it will cast a huge shadow over the day and it's guaranteed that the day will be ruined. I'm not saying stand back completely and let her take over in the run-up to the wedding, just that there are more subtle ways of having things your way which don't involve a huge argument and your H2B's mother and your children's grandmother potentially not being at your wedding.

Freddie_Snowbits

I have the perfect marriage. her MIL died before she met me, and mine died 6 months after the day. 22 years later, we still have the wicked witch in the north who we ignore. (My supposed Evil Step Mother!)

debs2327

hi ya thanks well i and my moh chose the dresses and she has taken over from there but whats upset me is she knew how important it was for me to be involved in the bridesmaids dresses and there fittings and ive been talking to her about it for weeks but un beknown to me she had already sorted there fittings out at the seamstress house without me or without telling me and kept making out that the bridesmsaids dresses were still upstairs in her house and that we need to get them sorted !!! so i thought they were still as we bought them needing taking up and some in but what else has botheres me is she has had straps put on them which i was ok with the younger ones as she asked me if i wouldnt mind the straps put on but she has had straps put on them all so now they dont match my dress , it is all confussing as to the way she has done it , but apparently she has done it so it was a suprisse for me to have them all done , but her knowing i wanted to be involved with all that part of the planning i think she has done it so they are done her way and it was the only way she could do it xx im still upset over it and everytime i think of it i cry my wedding is not going to be at all like i planned or had a vision and that upsets me too im just looking forward to 5 yrs time when we are doing it again with NO HELP XXX SHES A LIAR WICKED EVIL MANIPULATING INTERFERING AND A B!TCH !!!!!!AND ALWAYS WILL BE

lauhen

Why are they like this, you need to put your foot down, if she throws all her toys out the pram and goes and sulks in the corner, then let her. Take control of your wedding. If you want to see your bridesmaids in their dresses then get the dresses at your house, ring the bridesmaids yourself, luckily i had my family near for my wedding so i had everything at my mums, she helped with certain things, but myself and my husband did most of it ourselves, my mil never spoke to me once on my wedding day, i took her to see the dress, allowed her to have restricted access to my plans, after all it is the brides day, my mil just dealt with my husband, best man etc at her house, i did everything else, it was extremely hard work, but it was such a great day and one that went to plan, because i took control. Its your day, tell her to back off. Can you not ask your mum, sisters etc to come down a week before to help finalise everything.

Please take control, dont be afraid of the big bad wolf, its your day, your life, if all else fails you can always move away afterwards. I am 2 hours away from all of my family now, and it is very peaceful, and nice to keep them all at a safe distance.

deborahmcgeachy

Awww babe youve given out such great advice on the run up to your big day and id just love to give you some back but intefering MIL seem to be the norm!!! Get your bridal party together and make a night of it, just dont invite MIL and reconnect with them, try and muster up the excitement you had when you started off, its in there somewhere!!!! :-) And you always have the hen night to really enjoy your bridesmaids and maybe dunk MIL in the nearest fountain or water feature if all else fails use an ice cold drink!!!! Hehe!!! Chin up its not long now!!!!

milosmum59

I don't like to dissagree with others but I think you may just have to go with this one. If you upset the MIL now then she may well take this as a green light to sulk and spoil your day. Try the opposite tack. Over praise her for all her help, tell her she's been great but you can take it from here. BUT LEARN from this! Don't let it happen again. Next time this happens you must stop it in it's tracks or she will take over your life!
I am sure you will have a lovely day. After all you are the one getting marrried no-one can take your place!

debs2327

thanks girls im not having a hen night as i probally would say a few things that would upset a few ppl but baz works with his brother (actually he`s his manager ) and hes told him and hes on our side and will probally say something to her too about it all or how much shes upset us , and im going to the seamstress house tomorrow i think for the other 2 dresses with the other sil so will have a word with her then to let her know whats gone on as you can feel the atmosphere between the lot of us , me and baz has said we are taking control of the rest of the plans and we are going to have a wonderfull day wether i speak to her or not will be worked out on the day , im kind of worried about just having a word with her now as im annoyed at sooo much and i`ll end up getting it all off my chest and dont want that black cloud over the wedding think i`ll keep my speach till after it all then tell her exactly what i think !!!


dos any1 watch everybody loves raymond shes the mother very cleaver way to do things and get her own way and funnyily enough im deborah lol but raymond is a bit like baz but not as soft