my MIL has took over my wedding planning and is organising things without telling me

wifeforlife

Debs I've been reading your thread here and I keep up to date with all the weddings on here

I know you and your H2B do not like your MIL but seriously how can you expect to organise your wedding or expect any kind of help when nobody is communicating in anyway.

This whole thread has shown what little communication there has been from start to finish. Anything that has worked out perfect for you, you have either made or organised yourself (with no help or input from anyone else) so obviously they are perfect, you have 100% control of it.

The few things that you have not been in full 100% control of i.e the dresses, suits and catering, are not perfect in your eyes because you have not had 100% control and decision making.

As someone who has worked in this industry, been on the male's family during the planning and also planning my own wedding, can I say these are generally the things you can't have control over.

The catering unless your cooking it yourself can and probably will never be perfect. My only concern with her asking the venue to provide, is that I would assume she is paying for this - and I would be very quick in deciphering this i.e today!

The dresses - bridesmaids usually have an input into what style they suit, what colours work best and certainly in what shoes they can wear. So I personally don't see the big deal other than the straps issue (but I would cut them off if the bridesmaids don't suit them). Your big decision for this will and always will be first and foremost who YOU have asked to be your bridesmaids, and the colour - nobody should take this decision from you, but equally I don't see how they could your an adult with a mouth in your head - I'd start and use it.
The 'special' time for you and your bridesmaids is not usually the alterations but the getting ready before the service, and usually the hen night when you are all together.

The suits are fairly similar - if she's collected them and got them altered if they needed it, happy days. Aslong as your happy with the style and you chose them overall, chill a bit and let it go that she's saw them. It's an added bonus for you on the day as you'll be genuinely happy to see these little boys all dressed up.

Debs your day is going to go brilliantly and if you have any doubt that it won't you need to take control now. Please have the day you want now, not in 5 years time, thats definately not moneysaving in any way.

I'm not going to comment on the start of the thread or anything, I think you know yourself whats right and wrong, but only you can deal with this and right now your not and you need to.

Goodluck
Cate

ema_o

Hey Debs
Didn't want to read and run but didn't have time to read thoroughly so sorry if someone else has already said same as me!
I would start now and organise what you want. Ok, you can't be there for the first trying on of the dresses, but you could arrange for all (or maybe in more than 1 group) the bridesmaids to get together, show you the dresses, have a chat about hair and make up etc. Maybe organise a girly evening to do this.
When my best friend got married we had a great time the day before the wedding. We all had the day off and us 3 bridesmaids had a manicure at one girls house. The bride didn't want one, so it was just the 3 of us but I thought it was a shame she didn't join us.
Then we all stayed with her the night before the wedding, we had a chinese, watched a cheesy film and painted each others toe nails. It was really lovely, and probably what she will remember more than us trying on the dresses in the first place (except perhaps the time I had put on a bit of weight and it took 2 of them to do mine up, oops, did give me the motivation to ghet to teh gym tho!

What I am trying to say is, do whatever you can to make up for what you feel you have missed up until now. It sounds like you are having a nightmare with MIL and regardless of her attitude you need to take back some control and make things the way you want them
xx

melancholly

easy solution - contact everyone involved (as in venue, dressmakers/dress shop etc) and say that they need to run all decisions past you AND your future husband. then she can't make all the decisions and you two put on a united front. i can't imagine she'd complain about that - you should have the final say. it is a bit passive aggressive to do this instead of just speaking to her but since you don't want to do that, i don't know what else to suggest.

i understand your frustration, but you also seem to dealing with it very badly. your MIL clearly needs 'handling' but every family has someone like that. she's now going to be a permanent addition to your family so you need to find a way to manage her.

i think if you were less aggressive to posters who disagreed with you, i'd have more sympathy, but step back a bit and see that they are offering possible solutions. agreeing 100% with you and winding you up further won't make things any better - it will just fan the flames.... i can't see that making the outcome any better!