my MIL has took over my wedding planning and is organising things without telling me

debs2327

hello all well this is a heart pouring thread im afraid , ive got 2 n half weeks to go and i can honestly say my MIL has ruined my whole wedding planning as u all know ive got 7 bridesmaids 5 pageboys 2 of my bridesmaids is my daughters which they will be in my orange dresses and the rest will be in black well my mother in law has sort of organised the black bridesmaids herself without me knowing she`s had them all try the dresses on when they have been to visit as they are daughters( my moh but she hasnt done anything with me she hasnt seemed interested with doing anything with me unless i ask a few times ) and grandaughters of hers shes seen them in there dresses 3 times now and has re organised the sizes (they were all different sizes so we had to work out who could wear what size as we couldnt get any more sizes ) i have see 2 of them in there dresses once !!!!!!!! and last night i asked her to arrange a time to go up the seamstresses house as i wanted them done for next week her reply was " done we are going up at weekend i think as she already has the dresses as i have already pinned them seamstress just needs to check them on them " !!!!!!! well i completely broke down to my h2b i cant take any more she has took all the special times a bride supposed to have with there bridesmaids , at this moment in time i honestly dont think of the girls in there black bridesmaids dresses as my bridesmaids as ive done nothing with them , she has even seen shoes for them !!! i am going with them to seamstress house this morning ( i got no transport so i got to go with them ) but i have got nothing to do there as shes already done it , but thats only the bridesmaids !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now the pageboys my son is one of the pageboys and hes wearing a suit like daddy awwww and the others is wearing ivory waist coats shes even organised that shes seen 2 of them in there waist coats as they are grandsons she came up the other day WITH MY SONS SUIT !!!!!!!she knew shed uupset me and h2b but then she carried on with the bridesmaids tho

she asked me to look for platters for the cattering as shes doing that (we wanted her to do it tho ) so i bought some for her to say shes already got them

im a little worried about the rception room as i dont think i`ll get it how i want it cos its only a pub function room and she said oh dont worry we`ll go and have a look now im worried incase she manipulats me into having it her way shes does it in a way where you think afterwads hang on i didnt want it like that and you dont realise shes had her own way
i can honestly say ive hated all the wedding planning apart from the stuff i myself have done ie flowers favours thank you gifts table decorations oh and my 2 daughters dresses as i picked and bought them . me and h2b has already said after the wedding we are looking into moving away from her as to be honest he`s not that keen on her even though its his mother as hes seen her do these things too many times to the others , and weve already said we are going to re-knew our vows after 5 yrs and do it our way with no help from anyone ,

i regrett massivly asking her to help as i have no family down here of my own i thougt she would generally help not take over , i massivly regrett having the 5 bridesmaids and the other 4 pageboys and not just having my 2 daughters and 1 son , i massivly regrett involving her in any way so to anyone who is just starting there planning think very carefully who you are going to ask for help as i now dont feel like a bride 2 be i dont feel like its my wedding were planning and i just hope the day will be mine and hubbys not hers xx

sorry for the long post xx

sexki11en

Oh honey. I didn't want to read and run.

Have you tried sitting down and explaining all this to her? She maybe just thinks she really is helping you.

On the other side, we have 4 days to go now and i'm really wishing we had some help. None of my family have been at all interested, in fact as it stands right now, I've lost an Usher, BM and a FG because my sister threw a fit over something small and said they're not coming now. My parents are sticking up for her and saying it's my fault and I should apologise. When my hairdresser called my mum last night to tell her she was cancelling on me, then phoned me - do you think I had a call from my mum to see if i'm OK and need any help trying to find a new hairdresser who is free in 4 days and one I can afford? Nope - not a thing!!! I'm left to get on with it myself.

With hindsight, there is lots I would have done differently and some things I regret but i'm trying to see the bright side and just think that the most important thing is not the day but the reason for the day.

Try and talk to her and make her see how you're feeling or else nothing will change.

Good luck honey.

SK x

Yellowbug

oh hun, you poor thing!

have you tried talking to her, it sounds like she might think she is actually helping rather than upsetting you, if you see what I mean?

maybe if you explain that you feel she has made you miss out on things she would make sure to talk to you about things before going off and doing it?

my mil2b is being spoken to today by h2b, she keeps inviting people even tho we have our guest list sorted and we have very strict numbers to keep to...she rang the other day and said she had told someone else they would be getting an invite and I nearly went mad lol
hopefully him talking to her will sort it out, so maybe doing the same with yours would help?

Herbiecat

Hi Debs

Could you have a chat with her or is she the type of lady that would not listen? Say its nice that she enthusiastic but you feel its being taken out of your hands. If she doesnt listen, can you not just be blunt with her? (and say butt out lol)

Its such a shame that you'r not enjoying the planning because the pics you'v posted look sooo lovely and I admired how much work you'd put in with the stuff youd made etc. (Im not making anything coz im about as arty & practical as a brick :-) )

I really hope you get all this sorted with her, and I hope you have a lovely time with your BM's today. Could you ask them to take instructions from you and not from her or would that be awkward?

Let us know how it goes.

Love

Chris xxx

mrshaigh2b1987

aww debs, this is awful! No one shud spoil ur fun and stresses of the planning. Wud she sit and listen if u tried to have a talk with her like the others have said? My only advice is that it will all b ova bì u no it so if shes nt going to change then try ignore whatever shes doin for these nxt two wks and enjoy every single second as much as u can hun x x x

debs2327

thanks girls i think we will end p saying something but shes one of these where if i tell her to step back she`ll take a huff and step back completely shes impossible to reason with , the thing is if its her idea its the best idea in the world but if its yours u go with then na it doesnt work shes like that all the time but just didnt think she`d be like that with her own sons wedding , i think she knows what shes doing tho thats wat hurts but she carries on doing it , me and baz is going to bring all our wedding stuff up to our house from her house this weekend so really there will be nothing to organise we not doing it nastily just going to say we want to sort our stuff out , she will get the hint then , im going to have a word with our sil`s ( mothers of 2 bridesmaids and pageboys ) to tell them im not being dis interested about the bridesmaids or pageboys but shes kind of organised them herselfs and ask them to contact me instead of through his mam , its all sad but like hubby says everything ive done is perfect and at least i know my dress and outfit my children and new husband !!!! and all our flowers guest book table decorations will be perfect and thats all we need , im going to give the seamstress my number today so she can phone me when they are done , and im keeping the dresses at my house

u know my h2b even said he doesnt want to sleep at his mams house night before wedding and to get ready there cos she`ll take over that by ironing his suit and getting our son ready he wants to either stay here with me (which im happy with just going to kick him out when i start to get ready ) or stay in a hotel how sad is that for a son to say that xxxxx

debs2327

well just been to see dress fittings and oh what an experience it was , the seamstress talked to my mil instead of me and i found out the bridesmaids had already been up there and had fittings and had there dresses altered im soo annoyed to the point where i just want to cry , feel soooo pushed out of my wedding apparently she done it so it was a surprise for me ???????????????????????????????? what bride wants that as a surprise shes took all the special moments a bride has and suppose to have with there bridesmaids and i`ll never forgive her as long as i live or she lives !!!! just glad i have a loving h2b and 3 gorgeous kids that will look stunning on the day , me and h2b is going down tomorrow night to get all my wedding stuff that is stored there x

nat82

Awww hun, I can't believe she's been like that. You need to speak to her about this now so she doesn't ruin the next couple of weeks for you, even if that means her taking the huff. She has no right to make you feel so rubbish just before your big day.

I think you need to remove everything from her house to do with the wedding and try and ignore her for the next 2 weeks.

I think your hubby should stay at home the night before!!! This is what we did and he went to my sisters to get ready at lunchtime (we got married at 4pm).

Keep us posted.

((((((BIG HUGS))))))

xxx

kelda_shelton

Good luck Debs.

Stephb1986_2

Tell her to bloody back off its your day not hers there is nothing left to organise so she can go and bloody sulk the old bag! She is bang out of order! You aint a child and have a mouth so she doesn't need to speak for you b!tch.

Sorry she has me annoyed and I don't even know her! lol

Steph xx

ClareEmily

Oh hun big hugs, weddings really do turn normal folk (relatives) into complete nightmares.

She would probably be totally horrified if she knew how much she had upset you, and she really does probably think she is helping you out by arranging things.

In all honesty, I would take a deep breath, let her organise what the hell she wants to especially with so little time until your big day, as long as your hubby is waiting for you with a smile and your children look gorgeous I wouldn't worry about anything else.

I hated all the run up to my wedding, my family did the same and I nearly made myself ill worrying about everything. In the end it all came together and it was the best day ever.

You need to become the better person, if you suddenly blow your top everyone will be oh look little miss bridezilla. Smile, say thanks for all your help give her a huge bunch of flowers on the day and people will be saying my goodness what an angel she is to put up with that bossy old bag.

It is her son's big day and I think she has let it go to her head some what.

I got ready at my friend's house in the end on the morning of the wedding as I knew my mum would stress me out no end.

AND have a fantastic day, take your bridemaid's out for a spa day after the wedding ...without your MIL.