Wol's Riverbank tales: Part 3 Restoration

taxi73

Gosh that's a long post..I ranted on there sorry.Perhaps I should delete it.

LouiseJ

Sorry I could not read that and run.

Taxi, words fail me but please have a :grouphug:

Karmacat

Oh Taxi. My heart goes out to you, you've had to struggle with so much for so long. I can understand you feeling you want to delete it, but I hope you can let it stay until at least Wol has seen it. Its so brave of you to post it at all, take care of yourself these next few days, thats got to have a big effect on you.
xxx

beanielou

Thank you for sharing that taxi.

Buffythedebtslayer

Taxi, that post just makes all your achievements even more amazing in light of what you have been through.

((Hugs))

xxx

Lemon_Tree

thank you Taxi for sharing and sending you (((((hugs))))), i understand about the weight thing in particular as i do the same myself.

Numpty_Monkey

Taxi hun, :kisses3:
your post just show's what an amazing set of people are on DFW, that you feel safe enogh to tell us that

I remember you posting on my very first thread :A:A:T

Wol2

Taxi my dearest lady....I won;t quote it in case you want to delete it later..but that truly was a very courgaeous post and thank you so much for sharing it.

I am horrified....and at the same time moved to tears at what you have had to suffer, the steps you have had to take....and the complete lack of support and even denial by your family ....and also the ultimately the courts. It was a very brave and necessary decision to cut contact....I hope you do not still feel guilty about it.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

As Buffy has said - your achievements in the face of such painful abandonment and abuse are a testament to your self determination and courage. :T...and the fact that you truly are a wonderful lady :kisses3:



Here's a few bits from the introductory chapter so you can see if it might be worth getting.....

"Admitting you are among the group of "unaccetable" daughters is to feel in the deepest reaches of your soul, permanently abandoned by the one person who is supposed to love you no matter what. You never completely get over it but you can learn to make sense of it and recognise the cost, so that the healing can begin. .....

....one cost is that these daughters often grow up to unconsciously sabotage themselves.....

...and compounding the cost is the Bad Mommy Taboo - the cultured mandate to put a good face on your childhood and not to expose the wounds, to camouflage the grief and rage, and never be able to say "My mother could not demonstrate her love for me"....."

The book hopes to be able to guide daughters to at least understanding their mothers in the hope of finding some type of way forwards..both in establishing some kind of relationship but most importantly in how the daughters can learn to feel good about themselves and start to heal . But it also acknowledges that in some cases mothers have to be dealt with in absentia either temporarily or permanently for the sanity and salvation of the daughter.....

Weight is often quoted as an example of self-sabotage .....for me it was firstly working all hours and then, following the flood, boozing with increasing regularity as it has all started coming home to roost. I'm also very good at picking and sticking with situations that are unacceptable or harmful but I rationalise it by saying it;s my fault and I must try harder.

Now the light bulb moment has happened...for the first time in my life..despite the fact the family philosophy has always been to deny what's going on....

a) firstly I no longer feel guilty when alluding to the fact that her behaviour still is, in fact, completely unacceptable and toxic...and
b) more importantly I now for the first time actually feel safe (ie not threatened or frightened) to believe and accept it

I recognise that what prompts me to pick up the wine bottle is some situation or occurrence (no matter how trivial) that threatens my self-esteem and insidiously throws me back into those feelings of guilt, unworthiness, abandonment and being unloved. And sometimes it;s because I am seeing something in a situation that actually isnt there - I just think it is because I am momentarily interpreting it through my child's eyes instead of my own new-found eyes. So now I can have more control over whether I choose to reach for that bottle or not.


I applaud your courage in posting here......I thank you for the insight you have given...I weep for your pain..I rejoice in how far you have come..and I wish you further peace and comfort in your journey....The path to healing can be a long and sometimes lonely one ...

So keep going.... you are an astoundingly brave and courageous lady......and remember you are not alone......this board is testament to how many of us are here to support you and keep you company when you need it....


xxxxxx.

Nargleblast

Taxi - I am utterly gobsmacked at your post. So much pain in every line. Please, Taxi, take comfort from the fact that these people are no longer a part of your life and you are better off without them. No regrets - you have survived, and all that has happened has made you what you are today. You will go on to have a better and happier life as long as you learn to love yourself. If you don't look after yourself first then you are neither use nor ornament to anyone else. And that goes for Wol, too, take care of numero uno.

thrifty_fifty

Can I just say Taxi that you are amazing, and never stop believing that. There are those out there who will try and make you doubt yourself, and this I like to believe is because they are not as brave and courageous as you.

Although I my family did not turn their back on me, when my OH let slip my debt problem to his family and mine, I felt like most of my life had been wiped out, when I had to leave pretty much most of them behind. I didn't feel like I knew myself anymore, and I started to drink more to try and block out the 'bad dream'. I lost my best friend, as she was dating my ex's brother, I feel like I have lost the friends that are still in touch with her, and sometimes I feel like I need to leave this town just to start afresh and put it all behind me. Although it has been three years this summer since we split. I saw a friend in the town centre who I'd not seen in a long time, she mentioned that she had bumped into my ex best friend, and that they had met up at a pub. It was the weirdest conversation ever. Without saying anything I knew this ex best friend had aired my dirty laundry for me, and that I was being judged. We had that surreal 'oh we'll have to stay in touch, I'll message you on facebook' conversation. Both knowing that we never would.

I figure they were only gossiping because they don't have enough going on in their own lives to focus on, and I have left them behind, I don't ever have to see or speak to them again. I'm 1000 times better than they are, because rather than gossip about someone, I would try and be an even better friend than I had been before, which they clearly weren't up to.

You are better than any of these people. They don't have the determination to fight through what happened, and you should be content in the fact that you are all they could only ever wish to be.

Good on you!!!