Please help a new mum - baby will not sleep!

fernliebee

ooh! Just remembered (it seems a lifetime ago ) I used to feed from one side for each feed throughout the day (prob not recomended but worked for me) then through the evening cluster feeds I would keep putting her on the same side then last feed at night was from the really full side so she would get loads quite quickly as the letdown was fast, so she would feel really full.

Gingham_Ribbon

You poor love. It's so frustrating and exhausting isn't it.

A couple of points re breastfeeding:

You have enough milk and it is the right quality for your baby, so she's not hungry because your milk isn't good enough. If she's feeding loads it could be for a couple of reasons:

Babies suck to increase the milk supply and this happens regularly as they grow. If you suppliment with a bottle, your breasts will get used to not producing milk at night and your supply will diminish. If it's early days, this MAY result in you having problems breastfeeding.

Babies suck because it feels nice and they like being close to us.

Can your midwife/health visitor show you how to comfortably feed on your side so you can snuggle with your baby and doze when she's feeding?

Skinty, I remember spending hours at a time feeding my second during growth spurts. I think the longest was about 15 hours, where that was all I did. Once I had decided that my ONLY job was keeping this squalling bundle happy I found it easier!

Have you considered expressing enough milk to allow you to sleep during some of the feeds? It doesn't necessarily need to be at night - just a time that suits all of you. Each time you do it, you can express when you wake up and store that for next time.

I think you could do with talking to a counsellor because of your history of depression. Your health visitor should be able to help.

I know women who suppliment with bottles successfully and I know women who tried it and it didn't work or dried up their own supply. You'll find out what works best for YOU and that's what you need to do, regardless of other people's opinions. However, a talk with a good breastfeeding counsellor might help you work out some solutions for night times?

As for being exhausted - I really sympathise. I was so tired I actually fell down a flight of stairs, not to mention the countless burns I had trying to take things out of the oven half asleep. There are easier ways and I wish I'd asked for help more. Do turn to whoever offers - they want to do it and we all need help.

I had PND. IF it happens, it's hard but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Ask for help, make sure you get it and you WILL come through this okay. x

Gingham_Ribbon

Sorry. I forgot to add - my oldest wouldn't sleep in his cot so he slept in his pram for naps. I just rocked the handle till he dozed off and tried to catch a brief snooze with him.

jinky67

Awwww Skinty :grouphug:

I dont have anything to add that others havent already said, but my DD was very much like your DD sounds. ( how did I miss the post her being born? )
I had to stand for hours at night bouncing her in my arms to get her to settle. We also had the built in movement sensor:mad:

My DD didnt sleep in her cot/bed for nearly 3 years, she ended up in with us, long story which I wont bore you with, but it DOES get easier honey, :kisses3:either that or you just get used to it:rotfl:

fernliebee

GR post just reminded me about the sucking thing. DD would get trapped wind and when this happened she would want to feed constantly as apparently babies take any movement in their tummies to mean hunger so want milk to settle them, when sometimes it is that they need to get some out rather than in!! I would also thoroughly recommend baby massage, or if you can't get to a class rub babies tum in firm circles clockwise! This gets everything moving out and can mean they settle easier.

DD also loved sleeping on her front, but I was too much of a chicken to do it over night so during the day she would sleep on her front, while I could see that she was fine (irrational mother that I am, of course she would have been fine on her front- we all managed!) It meant all of her tummy bubbles were settled by the evening. Then when I would put her down in her moses basket I would roll up a blanket and tuck it under her legs so they were secure and propped up, and then one on each side, like a little nest, this seemed to 'ground' her enough not to do the morro reflex thing and wake herself up. At 14 months she still sleeps on her front. I think 'snacky' feeders are more prone to wind bubbles, but my DD had awful wind and she tended to go 2-3 hours during the day. (looking back probably colic but I didn't think it was at the time so managed it with massage and winding for hours rather than medication, poor little bubs!)

I'm not a routine person at all, but the bedtime routine was important to me, as it got her used to what was happening next, bath, massage with lights down and candles on to relax us both.

Sorry I keep posting on here, but I keep remembering things. Please disregard anything you don't find useful and I hope you find something that works soon.

Fritha_2

GR that's the lovliest, most sensible post I've read in a long time, I wish someone had said this to me when Celia was tiny!

minnie123

Hi, reading your post takes me back to 14 months ago when mine was a newborn I felt just the same. I read all the baby books but nothing really worked. I gave up with the breastfeeding and moved onto formula (Aptamil - most similar to breastmilk) It helped a lot. I also tried a dummy which helped but a few months later he decided he didn't like it anymore. I just wanted to say really that it is true that it does get easier. The first few months are a struggle but you WILL get through it. Can you get your mum, sister or a friend to come and stay one night to help you through it. I suffered badly with PND and it was awful, if you start to feel depressed at all make sure you let your midwife or doctor know asap anti-depressants are amazing. Having this baby is the best decision you have ever made trust me - however hard it feels at the present moment - and you will get through the tough bit.

highlandmum_2

Hiya

As a mum of 4 (the last two were born 9 months and 10 days apart) I have a couple of bits of advice
Try to express enough milk for 1 feed or make up a bottle (I used formula for this 1 feed) pass it to OH and try and get some sleep. After the 8 oclock(ish) feed I would go to bed and my husband would do the next feed and associated walking, rocking etc. I would get 3/4 hours sleep and husband would get enough sleep to be able to function at work the next day. Sometimes the thought of this break was all that kept me going.
Try to take all the practical help offered. Don't feel you have to be superwoman and cope with it all (easier said than done)
There is no right way or wrong way only your way. Be a mum the way it feels right to be a mum.
As per all the replies above it does get better
Hang in there!

clairec79

What's the sheet of the cot? Take up the sheet and stick it up your top for a few hours before putting her down (or wear a T-shirt then put that over the sheet and tuck it in) - smells of you so she won't feel alone

If you want her to sleep in one of the co-sleeper cots then could you try you lying on that edge of the bed with her in the cot but your arm around her then when you try to move it doesn't actually disturb her.

I've also put a pillow beneath the sheet so it was softer for them, but I wouldn't try that if she's on her front

chivers1977

The best piece of advice my my mum gave me was listen to the advice and then decide which bits of advice to use. I found this invaluable!

As you will see from the above everyone's experience is different. I remember crying at 4 wks when I gave the first feed at 10pm of formula (which we continued for months) and again when I stopped BF at 8.5 months. You need to do whatever is right for you - which for me was a formula feed at night. This seemed to keep him going.

Also another thing that helped me (I think I read it on here!) is that whenever you are up in the middle of the night with your baby, so many other mothers with babies are too..... for some reason this made me feel part of a club!

Jacob had to sleep on his side and with the end of the bed propped up. This is how I sleep so made sense to me. I made a wedge under the sheet with rolled up towels so he couldn't go onto his front.

He liked the MAM dummies. there was no way I was going to use one but I gave in when my MIL suggested it when he kept feeding. This was at 6 wks and he ended it himself at 12 wks.

I did use the baby whisperer book and did the bits that I thought were right such as the patting on the back and sssssshing for hrs on end.

It will get better and I do remember feeling quite resentful of this little creature at one point. Noone can ever explain how tired you will be.... no matter how they try to explain....... it will get better


xxxxx