Please help a new mum - baby will not sleep!

sandiep

Off Thread - Sorry - Absolutely can't believe that someone would write a baby book, one which thousands of new mums put their trust in, that's never had a baby :eek::eek::eek::eek:

Friend of mine is following this book at the moment and I keep telling her to burn it.

Janepig

Hi Skinty - congratulations on the new baby first off - I didn't realise you'd had her.

I haven't read everyone's replies so I may be repeating stuff here. The one big thought in my head that kept me sane in the evenings with both my children was that one day, when they're old enough to be out on the lash in town :rolleyes: or whatever, and I can't sleep waiting for them to come home, I'll be longing to go back to the days when they kept me awake but I knew they were safe. Sounds stupid, but it worked for me.

Another stupid one, but it is true, is that it's only a phase. All this will be over and done so quickly that you'll wonder why you made such heavy weather of it - and believe me, I made seriously heavy weather of it!!!

DD was really colicky and would scream for hours in the evening and that phase seemed to go on for ever, but all of a sudden we realised she didn't do it any more! With DS he was better, but he used to throw up his feeds quite alot so gave us different problems. Both spent the first 4-6 months in our room in a moses basket, and what I did find was that once they went into their own rooms they slept much better - I think we were disturbing them as much as they disturbed us!! DS particularly liked to be swaddled quite tightly, as some have mentioned, and that helped.

When it came to sleeping in with us, which happened on occasion through necessity (and being too tired to aruge!), I would put a pillow lengthways between me and DH and lie the baby on that raised up and not under the duvet. Again, just something that worked for us.

And dummies - I know some people hate them, but for my two they were a godsend. With DD, I started off by breastfeeding her and the midwife said it was fine to give her a dummy, just not to tell anyone she'd told me that!! And both mine came off the dummy no problem too. In fact, it really was only for sleeping that they had it. And I'm all for any sort of parent sanity saver.

You will come through Skinty, really you will. I know lots of people have newborns who are a breeze, but I would never want to go through the newborn stage again. I flew through pregnancy and birth, and now they're a bit older it's fine, but I'd have to hand them over to someone else for the first few months if I had any more!!!

Jxx

fesdufun

I would recommend seeing if there is a baby massage class nearby, many of the childrens centre and/or health visitors offer them. It would be great to get you out of the house and meeting other new mums with young babies. I have found the mums benefit the most from chatting to other mums. It has also been proved that it reduces the risk of post natal depression.

It may be worth phoning the local childrens centre to find out as the ones around here get booked up very quickly and it may be a month or two until there is a space.

Just a thought. I promise you it does get easier would both you settle into a routine and become more relaxed. I found it very hard with my first as I think you hormones kick in a lot more and I found the crying much more destressing. With my second I was more relaxed and able to leave him to cry for a short while whilst I got on with things without becoming an emotional mess.

Janepig

skintchick wrote: »

Tried one, but she didn;t like it cos of the shape, Waiting for the cherry dummies to arrive so we can try them.

I was against them but to be honest will try anything now except Cry It out!!

My two were dead against anything but cherry dummies. Tried all manner of teat shapes, but cherries were the only ones that they would go with. I think the others are too much like hard work to keep in the mouth! And they are quite difficult to get hold of. Wilkinsons I think was about the only place I could find them.

Jxx

sandiep

fesdufun wrote: »

I have found the mums benefit the most from chatting to other mums. It has also been proved that it reduces the risk of post natal depression.

Any type of mothers & babies group etc is well worth it. Baby massage, GP support groups, mothers & toddlers etc.

The one thing that every new mum doesn't know is that in thousands of households all over the country at exactly the same time, thousands of families are going through EXACTLY the same thing as you are.

And it does you one heck of a lot of good to meet up with other mums to talk honestly and realise that absolutely everything you're going through is entirely normal.

In the middle of the night, in your own wee house, you can feel so isolated and desperate about it all. And going to these kinds of groups and realising that in houses just up the street exactly the same thing is happening helps keep it all in perspective and give you a bit of extra willpower to keep going.

tiamai_d

I was going to say use a hot water bottle to heat the mattress up, but someone beat me to it! :rotfl:

Can you express some milk? I did that yesterday (so one day but hey it worked for me and it's always another option) and gave her a 30min breast feed then she took 40mls from a bottle (wooo, bad mum using a bottle while breast feeding :rolleyes:) and she slept great! This was at 1am after what I now know was a cluster feed from 7pm. I feed her from one side and pump off the other side when I get the chance (just getting over mastitis so it's a nice relief for me to express).

And I wonder what advice is factually inacurate and how it can be if it has worked for someone? Always get a know it all.

gin

Skint chick, you sound utterly fed up and tired. All I can do is remind you that it wont be forever (although it will feel like it). Your baby is still tiny and learning about being on the outside. Cluster feeding, not sleeping on her own, these are all normal things and the best thing I found was just to do what works for her. If that means co-sleeping, with her on your chest, for a few weeks and picking her up when she cries, then I promise you it wont be forever and you wont be 'spoiling' her.

I hope you find something that works for you, and just keep repeating to yourself that it's only a phase, and it will get better. I found that as I solved one problem with my lot, they would find a new and exciting one to replace it with!

feelinggood_2

Sorry for only scanning through.

Do you feed lying down?

LO slept in my bed to start with, he needed to be pressed up against me. I couldn't breastfeeding him, but I'd put him next to me after a bottle, and he'd sleep there.

When we started breastfeeding, I'd nurse him lying down, and fall asleep in that position. He'd wake me up to feed again, I'd pop him back on, and we'd go back to sleep. Even when waking 5-6 times a night, we'd both get a decent nights sleep.

Now, he doesn't need me so close, and he happily sleeps in his cot next to me bed, being slid across for night time feeds.

Breastfeeding is tough, and it is also tough to give up when it is important to you. Think carefully about it, if giving up will make you happier, then perhaps it is the best thing. If you will feel worse for giving up, try and find ways to deal with the cluster feeding.

Do you have a decent nursing cushion? With a good one, you can lean right back in your chair and feed her all evening. I find it helps to not even attempt to leave the sofa on an evening.

If things need doing, do them in the day. Come 5pm, don't have anything to do, just sit and feed.

mrcow

Lack of sleep.....


.....welcome to the world of parenting.


I would try a dummy dipped in gripe water. I know that you're saying that it's not wind, but it worked miracles with my first who was a regular uptight (and picky & overtired!) screamer.

Once they taste the gripe water, they don't care about the shape of the dummy.

fernliebee

Sorry to hear this. It is a nightmare when your not sleeping, remember sleep deprivation is a form of torture so don't feel bad for needing your sleep!

Things I found useful with my DD were to really differentiate between night and day (as I'm sure you already do), in the day I didn't mind her sleeping on me so much, or downstairs with us, as it made me rest, and now she is older she goes in her cot for naps, and haven't had any trouble in the switchover. We made as much noise as usual during daytime naps, would play music and hoover or anything we needed to do, as they aren't so sensitive to noise at this age. It also means you won't have to creep around for the next 10 years while they sleep! At nightime, we kept hallway light on and apart from that it was dark, only changed her if absolutely neccesary ie pooey, and kept very quiet and didn't interact at all, just lifted her in with me and fed her while lying down as at least getting some rest still.
I also from about 6 weeks would keep her awake from about 5-6 0 clock. If she was looking dozy I would offer her milk, when she pulled off I would swap sides and wind her, bath her, take her clothes off to keep her awake, we would wander round the garden 'showing' her random things etc it was quite a bit of work but then meant she was soooo full of milk and really tired so she would sleep for 5 hours, which was amaaaaaazing!!!
As she was so tired she would go down in her moses basket at about 10-11ish and about 3-4ish she would wake up and come in with me, I would latch her on and go back to sleep and we would then lie in until 9-10ish just dozing and feeding. Don't feel like you have to get up and get stuff done, the really intense feeding calms down about 3 months and you can start to do more then but you just need to grab rest where you can find it in those early days. I could never nap in the day but if you can then sleep when she does DO NOT do housework or anything crazy like that! ha ha!
As hard as it sounds try not to worry too much about anything but you and her, don't feel as though you have to keep a clean house and do the dinner etc as you may when baby is bigger, a tiny baby is a full time job and if you are an attached parent even more so. DH can tidy or cook etc when he gets in from work if need be especially if you are getting up in the night anyway.
Also you can try eating food to aid milk production as if the baby is in a routine of feeding every hour, then by evening you may be feeling sucked dry (not suggesting you actually are but after a day of feeding I used to feel empty, even though there was plenty of milk there iyswim), rest, food and water are the best things for this and if you aren't getting much sleep then a few more calories can make all the difference (oats, bananas, fruit bread, protein are all good), don't worry about putting on weight etc as with everything else don't even think about it until a few months when you are all more settled in.
I'm sure that wasn't much help it was just my experience, I really hope you get some sleep soon. x