Please help a new mum - baby will not sleep!

squashy

I think if at all possible you should take the pair of you to bed for a couple of days, feed feed feed, practice feeding lying down, snooze when you can.

This will give your supply a real boost and so help baby to feel that bit fuller, it will help little one by satisfying her need to such and she will come to realise that you arent going anyway and so this in turn should help her to feel more contented in the long run. Also, if you can get the hang of feeding lying down on your side then your nighttime disturbances will be a mere blip in your sleep pattern while you pull baby close and latch on before dozing back off. You could lay her close enough to still have a hand on her after you have fed, if you are against full on co sleeping.

Hope you get some rest soon xxx

angelicmary85

I forgot to say that I was one of the few women who couldn't produce milk so I couldn't be completely sure if mine only settled at a very young age as they had to be bottle fed.

I never gave them a dummy either but there's was times I really felt like I needed one, I just seen it as another thing they'd need to be weaned off in the future so I didn't give in!

A mother I knew who was BF though told me that she expressed milk onto some blankets and put them around her son in the cot.

Just keep doing what you're doing because you'll be doing what every normal mother does...her best.

It's just a pity babies don't come with an off switch!

Nikabella

Skinty I think it is important you do whatever you find helps enough to improve your emotional state as if it helps you avoid PND it can only be a positive thing. I had PND with my DD which wasn't diagnosed until DD was almost 2 as I everytime the HV asked I told her I was great and fine! Make sure you let people know how you feel and ASK for help - there is no shame in that!

DD tried to sleep through the night for about the first 4 weeks (we had to set an alarm clock & wake her up for 4 hourly feeds, however, after that she suddenly stopped sleeping well. We found gripe water helped greatly even when we didn't think she had any trapped wind it always found some. DD would feed, be rocked and then fall asleep in our arms, however, as soon as we hovered her over the moses basket ready to put her down she would wake up & start screaming, we would then have to feed & start the whole process again! Around this time (I think) we decided to give her a bottle after her last BF of the evening, she had formula the first time and then once she was in bed I expressed meaning that the next day she could have BM in a bottle. Every night she had the night befores milk & I expressed more for the next day, eventually we actually managed to fill the freezer with expressed milk as I could pump more than she could eat!

IME having bottles never affected my BFing with my DD, I managed to BF for 11 months (although I still beat myself up for not reaching 2 years!) when my milk finally dried up (not due to bottles but due to the fact I had lost over 2 stone and was incredibly underweight).

One of my best friends also BF her daughter for 10/11 months and she too introduced bottles of expressed BM early on. She stopped BFing yet 6 months later she still had milk so it can work for some people.

You must do what is best for you and not what is factually correct/PC/advised by books written by people who haven't even had any children! Things will get better, I remember I found the first 6 weeks the hardest especially as I still felt rough from the birth.

A.x

r.mac_2

skinty - big hugs to you. Not sure what others have said as I'm pressed for time, however we have a LO who is now 6 1/2 months old and had the same trouble putting herself to sleep. She still does from time to time, but I can assure you it gets better....

Firstly - if you have found something that will work then don't worry at this age if it is 'right' or 'wrong'. Your LO is still so small that routines or schedules or habits won't be in play yet. We try to be consistent with our sleep routine in the evening - and started when she was about 6wks old - always wind down play/bath/cuddle/last feed/sleep. However, that doesn't help at nap times does it?!

catching her sleep cues as early as possible can help - look to see what she does an hour and a half or so from when she last woke up and as soon as she yawns, rubs her eyes etc try rocking her to sleep. After a while of careful watching you should be able to work out what her sleep signals are.

It's soo hard, but it will get better. x

RoxieW

Hi hon
I have a 5 mth old and remember those early days well! There are so many things you can do mentioned by others on this thread - but the one thing to remember is that things will get better. You are in the difficult, sleep deprived, still getting used to things bit - I promise with the passage of a few months things will be much easier I'd recommend a routine, controlled crying and not getting into the habit of comfort breastfeeding - for what its worth. We also faired much better when LO was in his own room. God i remember those long dark nights up feeding but I got through it and so will you xxx

MrsTinks

I think from the number of different answers and suggestions you will already know there is no magical solution - there are moments when I'm so close to the edge (or was...) that I wonder how I'll make it through another day or even hour sometimes... Alexandra and I have had our share of problems and I found it a matter of trial and error.
If you don't want to go down the formula route just yet then try to express enough so that your OH can do a night feed of two for a few days - I found it a godsend to have hubby get up in the night to see to her when I was really struggling from sleep deprivation
I know you have got a posh bed attached cot but do you have a moses basket? Alex is in hers and I can easily move her round the house with me in it and she's currently sleeping in it in her room in her cot lol I figure she's used to it and feels snug as a bug, but is also getting used to her own room so that when she out grows the basket she'll be easier to move in her own room full time.
Noises - we have a small fish tank in her room with a very gentle sound - the motor is very quiet and the water is just a gentle trickle of water and I don't know if it reminds her of being in the tummy but she seems to like sleeping in there (mummy might not like her sleeping in there away from me but that's another story altogether )
If you feel you need to FF the last feed before bedtime then do it - you could even try it for a week or two to see if you can get her in a routine and then go back to boobs fulltime?
Dummies... I never wanted dummies either... we now have 4 the same in case any go missing! Several reasons - there are some research that shows it decreases chance of cot death and I loathe with a passion children who suck their thumbs as they get older... OHs sister did it till she was 9! :eek: As a very wise lady told me: you can take a dummy off the child if need be, it's very hard to take the thumb away!
Sleeping on the tummy... My mum was told that babies should sleep on their tummies... apparently I survived just fine They were told that babies shouldn't sleep on their backs in case they swallowed their tongues (same principle as putting an unconscious person in recovery position) yet now the thinking is the other way round... bet you when our children make us grandparents the advice will have changed again Do what YOU think is right for you (Easy for me - Alex HATES tummy time or being on her tummy unless it's on daddy... hohum...)
There are not magic wands, no instant solutions - it's hard work and as someone told me - people will tell you it's just a phase - they're right, but what they fail to tell you is that the next 18 years will consist of going from one phase to another! :rotfl:

Get your OH to take her for a couple of nights and get some sleep - I promise when you feel better and a little better rested then you will find it easier to deal with her and any problems you're having.

ria.pulls

Heh hunny,
Congratulations on your little girl.x

Just a thought but the cluster feeding isn't just a breast feeding problem so don't think your doing something wrong. I bottle fed my little lad and he cluster fed every evening between 2days old and 12 weeks. We would start at 4pm and he'd have a bottle every hour til 10pm(opposed to every 2 hours the rest of the day and night) Its seemed an awful lot of milk but there was no way you could not give it to him!! As it was he started to settle at 8 weeks old and started to skip feeds at night and was sleeping 10 to 6 by 12 weeks old. (not sure if it was partly that I was to exhausted to get out of bed in the night and sort of tried controlled crying, if he missed a feed 2 nights in a row there was no way I was going back to doing it again! he didn't seem to get too upset mind). It really is normal to find it really hard going in the early weeks and months especially as you will still be recovering from the birth yourself. I know i'm not the only person who has wanted to phone someone at 3 in the morning to tell them to come and get the baby as i'd changed my mind.

I found proping the top of the cot up helped a bit with him sleeping, (hard back book under the legs of the cot did the job) and infacol helped a bit, although seeing the amount of milk he drank its no wonder he had a bad belly.

I really think even little babies know how to play their mummies, and as you know her better than anyone just trust your instincts. Its takes so long to get your trust back in yourself with such a little one, and it really will all settle down soon. It takes a few months but you'll get there and then you won't believe how quickly its all gone!

Best of luck.xxx

mluton

Sorry if its been mentioned, i havent read all the posts.

Visit https://www.babycentre.com

Has been a great site to us through and after our pregnancy.

HelenKA_2

You have had great advice and also lots of reassurance here, having a baby is just about the biggest shock to your life you can ever have and with the first one nothing anyone says before hand prepares you for just how much this tiny bundle will turn your life upside down!

I only managed a few weeks feeding DD1, she wasn't putting on weight and the health visitor forced me into bottles. I now think I wasn't eating properly or drinking anywhere near enough. I still kept up bf inbetween the bottles for as long as I could but having had more babies I actually don't think I do too well on the breast milk front.

Someone has already mentioned eating good food but it's a problem getting it with screaming or slung baby so perhaps your OH could stock up on quality soups and rolls before Wednesday. Can he leave food ready for you each morning - say in a flask or at least made up plate/sandwiches so that all you have to do is grab it and go and sit back down with baby attached? Do you have friend or relative that could do this for you? Or bring a midday meal to you?

For DD2 it was a different thing - I started arthritis and physically was very unable. A lady offered to come and clean for me. I was a bit embarrassed but decided that I had to say yes because I needed the help and it meant a little bit less pressure on OH when he came home.

You aren't trying to keep up with housework or ironing are you? Again someone has mentioned taking up all offers of help. If people mean the offer sincerely then it's great that you allow them that privilage to help you out. If they meean it insincerely then they shouldn't have asked!! But it helps to have a couple of things in your head that you can suggest to people - or have them written down or listed on your phone to refer to. Stuff like could you do some ironing for me - OH will be back at work remember - or maybe you could get a couple of bits from the supermarket - or even could you come round and hang the washing for me.

By the time I had the next babies (twins no less) I had got to the point that as long as we were all alive the rest didn't matter. I took all offers of help with open arms and never bothered with ironing - DH often came home to me intears fed up with everything and had to do essential ironing/put washing on etc etc but only after he had taken the babies and I'd escaped to the kitchen/bath/garden to do my own thing. That bit of time to myself was really important to be me rather than the milk bar/bottom wiper/video sorter (remember I had two older girls too!)

Is it possible for someone else to take baby for a walk out in the pram to give you that bit of time. It's amazing the difference it makes. If not and you're at the end of your tether it's ok to put them down safely and let them scream while you go and scream in another room.

All our children had a bottle at night from the time when I said I can't be bothered any more with the unsettled nights and none had any problem continuing with breast in the day.

DD1 and TwinDD4 took dummies but you have to spend a few nights holding it in so they get the idea - and later have to know that they may wake in the night looking for it and you have to find it for them. DD2 wouldn't take anything. TwinDD3 wouldn't take the dummy and found her thumb which has resulted in the need for braces in the future.

Your health visitor should be your friend - mine came in one day and told me to leave her with the children and go and sit down with a cup of tea and something to eat. I know not everyone takes to theirs and their time is seriously limited but if she's no help then go to the surgery and cry, they'll all come running then!

It's great that you recognise that PND could be a problem for you. It's also great that your OH is returning to work on Wednesday - You'll only have half the week before the weekend.

Remember baby is new to all this too and it will take time for all of you to shake down into routines and establish BF.

A girl once said to me she just hoped that once her (1st) baby arrived she'd just know what to do. I said it's not so much that you know what to do suddenly it's just that you try every last thing until something works then you stick with that - until the next week when it's all up in the air again!

Rambling far too much but in essence it's that motherhood is not a breeze but hard work and determination, a lot of tears and a lot of laughs, a lot of trial and error and something very special indeed.

I'll remember you on Wednesday especially since it's the day the children go back to school and I'll be sad at that.

Jo_R_2

Skinty :grouphug:

There's loads I want to say but I'd be here forever!

I have a 6 month old baby now - #3 - and I can safely say not to worry about what you think baby *should* be doing as regards routine and feeding, but go with it.

Sounds hard I know, but from what you've said, the feeding is normal. Completely normal. Not what you and me might call socially acceptable LOL (see, trying to see the humour there ) but breastfed babies have quirky little patterns, they feed oddly sometimes really and it does you in sometimes when they feed and tease you that they've gone to sleep only for you to put them down and they wake up screaming the place down:eek:

All of mine have wanted to be held lots. This one does - how on earth I manage it with two DDs vying for my attention as well I don't know, but for an easy life I pander to baby's whims. My house is a mess, I just about manage to get through the day but it makes life a whole lot easier to just carry baby round or let him sleep on me.

Some great advice I read somewhere was to not fight things, but go with them and be thankful for the good bits rather than resenting the bad bits - this REALLY helped me with the many night wakings and feedings when I'd been feeling (at points with all of them, even this one) that how much I wished I was asleep at any given point. I stopped thinking like that and started to be thankful for any sleep I did get. Adapt and apply to any given situation.

Little things I do that help me:

• wrap baby up in a blanket when I sit down and feed him. Means when I put him down he doesn't feel the cold of the cot blanket and wake up.
• wait a little while when he appears to have fallen asleep before putting him down. I too do the pick-up-the-arm-and-drop-it trick to see if he flinches. If he does I wait a little longer. If he unlatches himself fine, if not then I ever-so-gently break the seal so to speak by using my finger to gently break the suction between my nip and his lip.
• I can work things easier when he's feeding from my left side, so I make sure he's on that side if he's going for a nap or to bed at night. I just find it easier with me being right-handed to hold him and pick him up to lay him down. I make sure the blanket around him is round the back of his neck and hold it there so my hand isn't in contact with his skin; sometimes he can feel me moving my hand from underneath him if it's not there and it wakes him.

Only little things but they've all helped with DDs as well. Hope you feel okay x