Please help a new mum - baby will not sleep!

tiamai_d

Skinty, I have no new advice, I hope the dummies work for you, the boys needed them too. Do you have anywhere to put her to sleep that will tilt a little? DS1 went through a stage of not sleeping on a flat surface, he would sleep in the bouncer, in his pram (didn't lie flat) and only in his cot if I stuffed towels under the mattress to tilt it up.

but thnaks for mentioning cluster feeds, I now know what Amber is playing at at night.

skintchick

Tia - I could try tilting the mattess i guess. THe main thingi s she only wants to sleep on her tummy which they say we can;t do.

Cluster feeds - pain aren;t they!? Lilia sometimes does five in a row - 20 mins each on the hour. Nightmare and so draining at night.

skintchick

Oh I've tried swaddling but she likes her hands free and always manages to escape from the blanket. She just wants to be held. So frustrating.

ellies_angel

I haven't any children of my own.................so why am I responding. I have worked within Childcare for over 20 years starting off with nannying and now teaching. I am an Auntie and Godmother several times over.

Swaddling really helps a child to feel safe and secure, just ensure that the room isn't too hot. I had a friend who was at the end of her tether with her daughter around the same age and in an act of desperation wrapped up up tightly in a blanket and before her head hit the pillow she was sleeping. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

My cousin resorted to feeding formular to her son for his last feed at night which helped him to go for more than 4 hours allowing her some sleep. She continued to successfully combine breast and bottle until he was 6 months and she weaned him off the breast. Prior to that he was continually feeding or crying.

Please don't introduce solids until at least 6 months. If the milk isn't filling use a milk for a hungry baby. Little babys organs haven't developed enough to cope with solids. A creche worker I was training, proudly informed me her 3 month old grandchild had started having a rusk in his bottle, "it was fair making him sleep" "he loves it", the following week she then infomed me that he had been unwell, constipated, sore tummy, windy unsettled etc and they had taken him off.

If she is cluster feeding at night she is maybe just topping up and not getting to the filling milk. Feeding is also comforting and maybe she is just looking for that feeling tho not necessarily hungry, this is where dummies can be really helpful, just not always great to help settle them to sleep, because if they learn to rely on them to sleep when they loose it, they wake up and you could spend the entire night being woken in search of the dummy.

But as I have said to any of my friends or family who have asked me, your the mother, you know from her cry if shes really hungry, in pain, or just needing a cuddle. Its that alarm whats inbuilt in you, there is lots if advice out there but no-one knows your baby like you know your baby.

Its early days and it will get better, and every baby is different, there have been some really good tips here good luck trying some of them
x

Becles

skintchick wrote: »

Tia - I could try tilting the mattess i guess. THe main thingi s she only wants to sleep on her tummy which they say we can;t do.

First lesson of being a new mam - take what "they" say as their opinions and not the gospel of what you must do. Apparantly I did all sorts wrong with Charlotte as guidelines changed between having her and having the boys. However, I just went with my instincts and guidance from other mothers and haven't harmed her and she's a lively healthy two year old now.

We went through the tummy thing where Charlotte would only sleep on her tummy. She was a little older though and was turning onto her tummy herself in her sleep. If I tried turning her back, I woke her up, so in the end I was just leaving her.

I know there is an increased risk when they sleep on their tummies, but you've got to balance it out in your own head. At the moment, there's also a risk to you as you're not getting enough sleep and at the end of your tether, and a risk to baby as tired mammy's are not as fun and might make mistakes. Is that a greater risk than the tummy sleeping risk? You need to work out which is the better risk to take, but if I was in your shoes, I'd be letting her sleep on her tummy if that is what she wants. Both of you may get some much needed rest if you try it.

Ironically when I was born, guidance said babies must sleep on their tummies, but I would only settle on my back, so my Mam left me to sleep on my back. She got into trouble of health visitors about it.

I also agree with trying a bottle. If you give one about 10-11pm, then you can do booby feeds during the night when she wakes as it's so much easier popping a boob out than getting up and making or heating up a bottle.

Also - have you got a bedtime routine? I'm a big fan of that. All of mine have had a warm bath about 10-11pm, some baby massage while they were getting dried, then a feed and into bed. As she gets a bit older and sleeps longer, you can gradually move the bath forwards. I'm still doing that with Charlotte who has a bath around 7pm, then warm milk and stories and into bed by 8pm.

Hope you get things sorted out soon xx

3onitsway

Hugs Skinty!

I think the most important thing at the moment is that you get some sleep! I spent the first few weeks sleeping propped up on pillows, with baby on my chest. Have you tried laying down feeding? This hasn't caused any issues and now at 6 months she's happy to sleep in her cot.

I remember the cluster feeding well - I felt like she was permanently attached from 4pm til midnight! All I can say is it does pass quickly - I promise!

The dummies may well work - it did for us, she'd also only have the cherry shaped ones! (It made me think I must have strange cherry shaped nips!) :rotfl:


Try a blanket/towel rolled up like a big sausage, and placed down the side of the cot. Baby would then lay on her side, with her back against the sausage - it was the only way she'd sleep - she wouldn't (and still won't) lie flat on her back.

We're six months on now, and those hellish first weeks are just a distant memory!


If I think of anything else, i'll be back!

Rikki

Have you tried warming the cot before you lay her down? Also rhythmically rubbing her back rather then picking her up when she won't settle?

Another thought is something you eating upsetting her? I couldn't eat onions with no1 son as this used to upset him for hours. Just something for you to explore maybe, food diary and her actions.

cclarke12

First of all big hugs, and hang on in there. I don't have the magic answer unfortunately. My son (now 3) was a really unsettled baby and as others have suggested we found swaddling him did work. He resisted it the first few times and was upset but we stuck with it and he eventually started to sleep much better. He also had a dummy for comfort. My daughter is 11 weeks old and she is much calmer but she knows what she wants and it's the comfort of the boob! She won't entertain the idea of a dummy and it has been hard work to even get her to take a bottle once a day. She will often breastfeed for comfort and to go to sleep. For the first 7-8 weeks I just caved in and let her go to sleep on the breast in bed with me, then pop her in her moses basket. She then tended to wake up for a feed part way through the night and again would come into bed with me, and usually stay there until morning. In the last couple of weeks as she has got bigger she has still wanted to fall asleep breastfeeding but has gone into her moses basket and slept through until morning. She still likes to be close and feeding even to get off to sleep during the day. I have kind of decided if that's what suits her and gets everyone some sleep then that's fine for now. I have struggled to follow and kind of strict routine with either child, but we seem to be doing ok. Good luck and I hope the sleeping gets better

carolinosourus

Hi Skint, I don't have children and hope not to have any for a while! But congrats on your little one.

One of my colleagues has a 3 year old, we were talking about babies and she said that she hated her little one until he was about 6 months old, he wouldn't settle and was quite difficult. She also went through a difficult labour. What she was getting at is that it's not the end of the world if you resent your little one at the moment and that may be adding to your stress levels, I've spoken to other mums, some of whom have said similar things, I think that some people will tell you everything is perfect in order to save face.

Also, if you're stressed then the baby will pick up on that, and facial expressions too, surprisingly. I looked after my cousin when he was very young and he wouldn't stop crying, I changed him, fed him, did everything I could think of. I called my aunt as I was getting very concerned and she asked me if I had smiled at him. I hadn't tried this, I managed to get him calm enough by rocking him, smiled down at him and he stopped crying! Might just have been a fluke but worth a try.

I've also heard that when the little one is sleeping you should be trying to get a bit of sleep yourself, whether it's the middle of the day or not!

Another thing, I had colic for a long time when I was born, there wasn't a lot that my parents could do about it but one thing they did do (apparently) was hold me so I was front-on to them and my legs were hooked up underneath me, that used to get me quiet. You said that you're not supposed to put babies down on their fronts, I'd like to echo something a previous poster said about health advice changing year-in year out. I know that I was put down on my front as that, I believe, was the advice at the time. It might be worth a try as the little one might feel more secure and comforted that way.

I'm sorry to have gone on so long when I have no direct experience! I also hope that things settle down soon and you feel happier.

gratefulforhelp_2

There is lots of good advice here, but some, as is a risk with all advice, is factually incorrect.

This is totally normal, and the way you are feeling is totally normal too. It will get better, and quite quickly.

If you choose to give formula, she will sleep better, but there are other ways round the problem.

Is this really about you not wanting to breastfeed? You don't need permission, or an excuse to give up - it's your body and your child, and so your choice.

If you give her formula for any feeds, your milk supply will diminish, and breastfeeding will become more difficult. I am not saying you shouldn't, but that is a fact.

If latching on hurts, you need to get help with that, because it shouldn't hurt. If you are ok with lanolin (ie not allegic) try lansinoh ointment. You can also get an NCT breastfeeding counsellor to help you, they will even visit you at home, and its free, you don't have to be a member.

I would suggest that if you want to give up breastfeeding, you follow the advice about giving the baby formula. If you don't want to give up, then may I suggest
1. Check that you are eating properly and enough? Brestfeeding takes a lot of energy, and its tiring - as you well know. Drinking enough also?
2. You consider having a feed-in, where you do nothing for a day but feed completely on demand, eat and rest as much as possible.
3. If its not the supply, but colic, then you can get medicine for it - ask your health visitor - I used infacol, be warned, it gives the baby killer farts! The best thing for my DD2 for colic was to lie her on the bed on her back, with her legs up at ninety degrees, hold her legs and very gently lift her legs so her bottom lifted slightly off the bed. Don't know why but worked a treat.

Huge good luck, she is clearly a very clever baby, since she knows exactly what she needs, and is getting it. Be glad she isn't dull!

eta I forgot to mention having an established bedtime routine, and please don't take any notice of Gina Ford, dealing with other peoples babies is never the same as loving and caring for one's own, and she hasn't had any.