Please help a new mum - baby will not sleep!

milliebear00001

Firstly - what you've described is completely normal. 4 week old babies want to be near their parents, and some want this ALL the time, they often need feeding A LOT (and I mean, every half an hour sometimes). It DOES get easier pretty rapidly but it's still very early days for all of you. I was a routine addict with my first baby. I slept when she did for about the first three months (can do this with your first) and fed her on demand. She was a frequent feeder but soon (by 6-8 weeks) began to go longer between feeds as my milk supply got up to speed - yours is still developing and one of the reasons for the frequent feeds is to help establish this supply. She wouldn't sleep in her cot without being swaddled, and eventually took a dummy which was both a godsend and a curse!

Second baby, was 'attachment parented' (his choice rather than ours!) He slept in our bed from day one, and often breastfed himself barely disturbing me in the process - this took time to establish as well though. He never took a dummy, and never slept in his moses basket.

I would say the second way was far easier than trying to establish a routine with a baby not that way inclined. Baby one was often unsettled and hard to pacify - baby 2 rarely cried and was instantly conforted by a booby! It was difficult getting used to light sleeping and sharing a bed, but we took all precautions - no duvets, separate sheet only for bub, cot to side to prevent falling out etc etc, and it worked well for us. Having said that, baby 1 was much more independent and baby 2 was a nightmare to get out of our bed later on.

Whatever you decide, I wanted to reassure you that it's normal for it to be like this at this stage, but this bit is shortlived. It will get better quickly as bub starts to establish a longer routine of sleeping and feeding. If it's the screaming you can't stand, then you may have to bite the bullet and accept that she's going to be with you pretty much 24/7 - wear a sling during the day so you can do stuff while keeping body contact (you can eventually bf hands free in one of these!) and make sure it's a conscious choice at night (with all precautions) and you don't just fall asleep exhausted with her under the duvet!

Try getting her out during the day as much as you can. Do you take her to a postnatal group or anything like that?

Becles

Rikki wrote: »

Another thought is something you eating upsetting her? I couldn't eat onions with no1 son as this used to upset him for hours. Just something for you to explore maybe, food diary and her actions.

That's just reminded me that I discovered Joshua was sensitive to caffine and I'm a coffee addict. I switched to decaf and he settled better.

gratefulforhelp - I hope you don't mind me picking up, but posting "that is a fact" and saying this thread is "factually incorrect" might not help skinty. It's comments like yours which made me feel like a bad mother and some sort of failure for giving a bottle of formula feed when I was in a similar position. As it happens, my milk supply was fine and I managed to breast feed for months despite giving one formula feed a day, and comments in the thread suggest I'm not the only one. In situations like this, I think it's better for the mother to read everyones experiences and decide in her own mind which is the best thing for her and baby. It's a hard enough time as it is, and you don't need pressures from people telling you that you are doing things against guidelines or that are factually incorrect.

Also - lets not turn this into a breast v bottle debate, as that's the last thing she needs right now.

moiramber

Hi

I didn't want to read and run. I've been there not so long ago and know all too well how hard it is!!

The best advice I can give is forget all the books for just now, do what you need to do to make life bearable. If it means sleeping with her in your bed, do it if you want. Books are all very well but I think they just stress you out more with all the trying to do everything right.

We have tried to live by the books from the start and it drives you crazy with the million things you're supposed to and not supposed to do! Next time round I'll be doing how I see fit not these books

Hope things perk up for you As others have said, it DOES get easier!! xx

Fritha_2

Oh sweetheart, I really know how you feel as Celia was exactly the same when she was that age. My advice is to either co sleep, feed her lying down then you don't have to move her for her to sleep (perhaps give her ten or so minutes then scoot her over to her bedside cot?).

Or repeat repeat repeat (that's what we did, co sleeping is great but I like space to sleep), the moment she wakes and begins to fuss shove her back on milk again, wait until she falls asleep give her a while then pop her in bed. And keep repeating until she finally stays where you put her.

If she cries but stops when you feed her, shove a boob in her mouth. We did that, you will NOT make a rod for your own back with a tiny, do what you need to do to gt through it will all come out in the wash.

It does pass, you are all she knows comfort wise so she is bound to get nervous when she is away from you. It's so so hard. Keep talking.

SugarSpun

Skinty - something I learned in the hospital is a test to see if the baby's deeply asleep enough to be put down. Lift an arm a couple of inches and let it drop. If the baby disturbs, she's not properly asleep. If she doesn't notice, she's safe to be put down. It takes Molly 20-25 minutes to get to that stage, and she's 12 days old now.

She's also prone to screaming through the night and needing attention from someone. Fortunately she's less fussy about who's holding her, but someone better be! We gave her a pacifier last night, although we'd hoped to avoid it, and it kept waking her because it kept falling out.

The thing keeping me going aside from hormones is this: this stage while they're so tiny isn't a long stage. We can get there. Good luck!

shellsuit

Skinty have you always had her close to you since she was born?
Maybe leavng her to cry it out sometimes, so that she gets used to not having you there 24/7!

Obviously if she is really distressed, tend to her, but if she's just constantly whining and crying, there's no harm in leaving her in her crib/cot for a bit.

The more she gets used to not having you right next to her 24/7, the more she should settle.

Also, my eldest 2 never had dummies, but Dylan has taken to one, mainly when he's due a nap and is grouchy, dummy in mouth and bingo, fast asleep! He also sucks his thumb a lot which is sooo cute and again, that's something the others didn't do.

I would NOT feel bad whatsoever if you want to introduce formula, you would be doing it for both of you, not just yourself.

Try the dummy when it arrives, but if you get no joy, just try a bottle of formula once a night to see if it makes any difference. Even just try it for 3 or 4 nights. If it doesn't work, it doesn't matter but at least you have tried.

And like Becles has said,a routine is really important.

Dylan has a bath at 6.30, get dried, massaged, dressed and last bottle at 7 or just after and he is in his cot for 8pm, then we don't hear him until around 7 the next morning!

Like others have said too, the more you stress, the more baby will get upset as they can pick up on it, so try to keep calm (sounds easier than it is, i know!)

It won't be forever, so don't give up hope, you are doing wonderfully!xxx

mum26

double post

mum26

Hello, as a mum of six I just wanted to reassure you that most of us feel / have felt exactly the same as you now with a new baby in the house, you are doing great!

I don't think you have an issue with not having enough / not filling enough milk, cluster feeding in the evening is very common and it sounds like your baby is putting on plenty of weight etc.

She does sound like a sucky baby so hopefully different shaped dummies might work, I also swaddled my babies - I just used a normal cotton cellular blanket. It might be an idea to get her used to lying in her cot when it is not time to go right to sleep, and also to try popping her there at the first sign of tiredness and maybe rest your hand gently on her tummy or gently stoke her tummy as it sounds like she enjoys the feeling of something on her tummy if she likes to sleep on her tum.

My littlest is four now so I don't know the current advice for babies sleeping on their side but that might be worth a try if you are close by, maybe ask your hv/midwife.

Also worth considering that she may be having a growth spurt hence the extra feeding and she might settle down very soon naturally, I know my lot were much easier after 6 weeks (just as you reach fever pitch, lol!).

Keep going and give yourself a pat on the back for getting this far :beer:

JBD

Hi, sorry I haven't read the whole thread, these are just a few things I tried with my own children. Sorry if they have already been mentioned.

Some babies do not like tobe in a big or open cot. Perhaps try her in a moses basket inside the cot.

Leave the hoover running beside the cot for a few minutes [if it's not too late]

Rocking inside a cradle.

I also knew someone who used aromatherapy but I guess you would need to see an expert for advice about this.

With my oldest one I actually tried leaving him to cry himself to sleep . It was horrible at first but it did get easier. I think he cried for about 20 minutes the first night but it soon went down to about two minutes.

Idon't know much about breastfeeding , I always bottlefed. I used to give them abottle about an hour before I wanted to go to bed myself, even if I had to wake them up.

Lastly, don't worry,things will improve , your baby will settle. Best of luck.

mum26

Just read back and saw your little one likes her hands free - two of mine did too, is worth a try swaddling under her arms, but not all babies like being bundled up x