I'm working for the cash machine - my diary

gwen80

Thank girls :A I typed out a proper reply last night and then lost it :mad::mad: so I'll reply properly tomorrow. Had a curry in front of Over the Rainbow tonight.

Gwenx

Lula-Hula

Hello,

first of all let's get this straight :

You are a clever, caring, kind, genuine, sincere, funny, beautiful person.

You have also been dealing with intensely stressful & emotionally draining situations alongside debt busting.

You deserve to be happy & healthy, give yourself a break.

Try reading Beating Depression by David Hines, it probably did as much for me as the anti depressants. As makeup said, just getting out for a walk can have an impact on how you feel. Perfect time of year for heading off to the woods & seeking out bluebells

Never forget how damn F* Fabulous you truly are :A

xxx

Souk08

Gwen, nothing to be ashamed about. A huge well done on getting help. If your leg was giving you bother you wouldn't hesitate to get if fixed would you... Enjoy the date but if it doesn't work for you then don't let it knock you when you're down. Remember it's not for him to judge/size you up but to see if you could work together.

Enjoy doing nice things for you while you're off X

Shoe_Gal

Lula and Souk - lovely posts :A

gwen - hope you enjoyed some pampering, enjoy the date

gwen80

Sorry, I still need to write a proper reply to all your lovely messages :A The date went well yesterday, but I've been having trouble sleeping. Last night was awful Tried to sleep today, but still the same. I'm sooo tired, but not sleepy, have this dull lower back pain that won't go and cannot get comfortable at all I keep rubbing my eyes like a sleepy toddler, not good. I'm going to try and hold on until 9pm, take a sleeping tablet and hope I feel a bit better tomorrow.

Gwenx

RosaBernicia

hi Gwen

I haven't much to add to earlier lovely and sensible posts except hugs :grouphug:

Hope you have a fab nights sleep and wake up all refreshed.

Rosa xx

Shoe_Gal

Fingers crossed for good night :A

gwen80

Hello

Well first of all thank you so much for all your lovely messages. It's so kind and really means a lot :A

I will try and get hold of that book, Lula. I might have a walk down to the library one day. I totally agree with you and makeup about fresh air and exercise, I think there are a couple of issues at the moment though. I've really been struggling with the side effects of the antidepressants and secondly, in terms of things like horse riding where I would have to meet/speak to people I don't know, I just don't feel strong enough to do it. I know that sounds stupid and ordinarily I'm absolutely fine with meeting new people and putting myself out there, but at the moment I'm really not, so that might have to wait a while. As soon as I'm feeling a bit better I will try and start walking and possibly swimming.

Well I did sleep last night...eventually. Went to bed at 9pm with sleeping tablet, tried to think calming thoughts and eventually nodded off. Woke up at midnight :eek:, felt hungry (I'd barely eaten yesterday ), had a banana and some biscuits, took another sleeping tablet and went back to sleep. Woke up at about 3.30am :eek: Laid in bed for a couple of hours, took another sleeping tablet and slept until 12pm!!! Now, this really isn't a healthy or sustainable sleeping pattern (for one thing I'm running out of sleeping tablets :eek:), however after I'd taken my antidepressant last night (just before I went to bed) I read the leaflet a bit more (to check I could take sleeping tablets with them) and it turns out they can cause sleeping problems...no !!!!!!!!! Sooo I have formulated a plan. I'm going to halve my dose for a couple of days. Tonight I will take it at dinner time and see how I go. If I still have problems sleeping I will take it in the morning. I'm hoping I'll find a time to take it that doesn't disturb my sleep so much, then I'll double the dose again, so that I'm taking what I should be and hope that I can sleep reasonably. I cannot carry as I am, I felt absolutely terrible yesterday. It doesn't help that I seem to have had this hip/lower back pain on and off for a couple of weeks now, but it has been particularly bad since Sunday so I'm taking painkillers for that otherwise I just cannot get comfortable at all. If the hip/lower back pain persists much longer I will go to the doctors about it, but I'll try and get my sleep pattern sorted out for the time being.

I still feel really tired, so I might have a lie down later. I'm going to write a list, because I'm not really doing anything at all at the moment. Even the most basic tasks seem rather too much, but then my recent sleep deprivation probably hasn't been helping so I'm going to write a little list of basic tasks, nothing too challenging, but things that I need to do.

• Take multivitamin
• Eat proper lunch
• Put washing on
• Transfer money from Nationwide to A&L
• Set up broadband...still

That's it for now. Honestly, that will be challenging enough for the time being.

Gwenx

Souk08

Baby steps lovey! Obviously the tablets are going to take a bit of time to get used to and make you feel a bit out of sync. Also its completely natural not to want to have to meet lots of new people when you're not really feeling 'yourself'. It will take time and that's okay, not everything has to happen yesterday (says the most impatient person on the planet!) REALLY brave and sensible of you to get some help for this. X

makeup

Oh Gwen, I totally feel for you. I'm the worlds worst when I've not had my full sleep.

Try to just focus on eating properly and if you can't sleep maybe you could watch a film on the sofa or something - maybe you might doze off that way???

Swimming might be good for your hip/ lower back pain?? I find it helpful when my back is sore. I find I can stretch really well in the water (at the deep end where i can't touch the bottom) and the water supports whilst doing the stretches so feels really nice? I'm not suggesting lots of lengths or anything.

Also maybe your pool has a spa (sauna / steam room / jacuzzi??) that can be really relaxing for your muscles too.

I just wish the weather was better, all this rain is so grey and dull. We NEED some sunshine!

There was an article in the guardian online yesterday about how research has shown that cheap relaxation methods are as good as anything expensive or fancy. If you look under Life & Style on their website you should be able to find it.

I read it and it was interesting, things like breathing exercises and meditation. At least if it is free or cheap you aren't worrying about increasing your debts!!!