Advice needed please

Puzzledbubbles

hi

Just wondering, would it be possible for you and your daughter to involve her in some kind of girly event? even if its just something simple like meeting for lunch? if you really push the boat out you might find what your son sees in her.

All you can do is accept her as your sons choice, however long that choice will last, and be there to support and advise them both. Do you know anything about her relationship history, i.e. was she in a relationship with one person for a long time but now thinks the clock is ticking for a baby and has spotted your son as a real catch as a husband and father?

Maybe getting to know her in a less formal situation on neutural ground would help?

HTH

Puzzled x

EslaDee

red_devil wrote: »

However from the moment they walked in she was very cold with us, didn`t answer when we spoke to her and spent most of the day 'pawing' my son.

she might have been shy who knows first meetings arent always easy!

whats wrong with her pawing your son as you say, would you have preferred it if she was cold and distant with him!

Hmmmm are you playing red devils advocate, or are you someone who finds they can`t differentiate between showing affection or getting to the stage where people shout "get a room" ?

When I say cold, I mean when they walked in I smiled at her and she gave me a really cold, hard stare back. It was quite disconcerting and not what I consider would be the reaction of someone shy.

As for the pawing, I mean she sat on the couch gazing at my son and just continued to stroke his arms, chest and anywhere else within reach, while continuing to ignore anything we said to her. I thought it was very bad manners, although if it had been an occasional hug or kiss or one of those besotted looks, I would have thought it charming.

EslaDee

Puzzledbubbles wrote: »

hi

Just wondering, would it be possible for you and your daughter to involve her in some kind of girly event? even if its just something simple like meeting for lunch? if you really push the boat out you might find what your son sees in her.

All you can do is accept her as your sons choice, however long that choice will last, and be there to support and advise them both. Do you know anything about her relationship history, i.e. was she in a relationship with one person for a long time but now thinks the clock is ticking for a baby and has spotted your son as a real catch as a husband and father?

Maybe getting to know her in a less formal situation on neutural ground would help?

HTH

Puzzled x

It is certainly something to think about, although offers were made to her by my daughter which were rejected.

Apparently her previous boyfriends were 'rubbish', don`t know any more than that.

She is in her late mid twenties, so a bit early to think she is losing the chance for a family?

I suppose the thing that worries me is my son seems to making all the financial input and will continue to do so, and I can't see what she is bringing to the relationship except more demands.

However, I have received really good advice on here and I am very grateful for it, and will try again to make things right.

red_devil

I suppose the thing that worries me is my son seems to making all the financial input and will continue to do so, and I can't see what she is bringing to the relationship except more demands.


Its nothing to do with you your little boy is grown up now let him make his own mistakes if he does!

red_devil

EslaDee wrote: »

Hmmmm are you playing red devils advocate, or are you someone who finds they can`t differentiate between showing affection or getting to the stage where people shout "get a room" ?


I dont know I wasnt there. You asked for advice you got answers! Its impossible for anyone to know they werent there!
Family problems are really boring to be honest.
Most people have them in some way and on forums you only get to hear one side!

floss2

red_devil wrote: »

Family problems are really boring to be honest.

Erm...so why did you bother posting then?

Dinah93

I have to say she doesn't sound very likeable however the next time you meet her go to it with an open mind. I was really nervous about meeting my OHs mum, and didn't let go of his hand the entire time. Equally he's said to her I want children earlier rather than later (I have very high blood pressure so this is to make it less risky) and she has said to him she is certain I'm going to trap him! I want children in 4-6 years time ideally (he wants them asap!), but now whenever we see her she mentions that children will ruin his life.... charming. She is openly hostile about me, and it was one of the main factors that prompted him to move to England rather than me to Ireland, as my family accepted and love him fully, and a good support network around you is vital.

By the same measure I was really nervous the first time I met his dad, and he has a broad accent, I couldn't understand a word he said so barely said a word. He thought I was really dull because of this. However now I can understand him we get along really well.

All I'm blathering on about is give her another chance. Yes, she may well be what you think she is. But she might just be uncertain and panicing on how to be.

EslaDee

red_devil wrote: »

I suppose the thing that worries me is my son seems to making all the financial input and will continue to do so, and I can't see what she is bringing to the relationship except more demands.


Its nothing to do with you your little boy is grown up now let him make his own mistakes if he does!

Nothing at all to do with it, he has made more than one mistake since he left home to go to uni at 18, but I am a mother, do you expect me to feel absolutely nothing about his future or the future of any children he may have?

EslaDee

red_devil wrote: »

EslaDee wrote: »

Hmmmm are you playing red devils advocate, or are you someone who finds they can`t differentiate between showing affection or getting to the stage where people shout "get a room" ?


I dont know I wasnt there. You asked for advice you got answers! Its impossible for anyone to know they werent there!
Family problems are really boring to be honest.
Most people have them in some way and on forums you only get to hear one side!

That doesn`t answer the question though does it? so I suspect you fall into the latter category. :rotfl:

EslaDee

Dinah93 wrote: »

I have to say she doesn't sound very likeable however the next time you meet her go to it with an open mind. I was really nervous about meeting my OHs mum, and didn't let go of his hand the entire time. Equally he's said to her I want children earlier rather than later (I have very high blood pressure so this is to make it less risky) and she has said to him she is certain I'm going to trap him! I want children in 4-6 years time ideally (he wants them asap!), but now whenever we see her she mentions that children will ruin his life.... charming. She is openly hostile about me, and it was one of the main factors that prompted him to move to England rather than me to Ireland, as my family accepted and love him fully, and a good support network around you is vital.

By the same measure I was really nervous the first time I met his dad, and he has a broad accent, I couldn't understand a word he said so barely said a word. He thought I was really dull because of this. However now I can understand him we get along really well.

All I'm blathering on about is give her another chance. Yes, she may well be what you think she is. But she might just be uncertain and panicing on how to be.

Oh dear, I hope I didn`t give that impression, we wanted so much to like her just as we have done his other girlfriends and each time hoped she might be 'the one'.

I would love to see both my children settled in a happy and loving relationship, and would adore grandchildren. I hope I can recognise the difference between shyness and downright hostility though.

I will try again and again to see if I can establish some rapport with her.

Good luck with your plans for a family, hopefully your medical team will look after you and give you good advice at every stage, and thank you for taking the time to reply. :-)