Its all gone very wrong... but I WILL beat this debt!!!

Lula-Hula

Hi sweetie,

*subscribed*

have just come across this & wanted to say how much I admire your PMA & determination to deal with everything inspite of much adversity.

I know only too well the difficulties of dealing with an OH who is less than honest when it comes to money although thankfully that saga is long ago & now I just have to deal with my own naughtiness when it comes to money .

Re the depression, you're amazing to be coping with that, I suffered from it a while ago ( mild reactive rather than full on clinical) & actually irritated myself by having it, dont think I could cope with it in a partner . Mental resolve to never go there again. I know you said you dont get it & I hope you dont mind me mentioning it but I would recommend reading a book by David Hines called 'Beating Depression'. It gives a good idea of what it's all about - the different forms it takes - & suggests ways of dealing with it. It's the only book on it I've ever read & it gave me the motivation to overcomes it asap.

Sometime the debt goes down, & sometimes it goes up :rolleyes: - for many reasons. The point is that you get that that is is an issue & are prepared to deal with it.

You've provided me with a huge amount of support & encouragement in times of need & I hope in some small way I can return the favour.

Number 1 - STEP AWAY from the Next Directory & dare I suggest that you join the Clothes Challenge for personal wear next year :eek::D

Lula
xx

hypno06

Sorry to read your news on OH, but as you know, he has to have his own LBM for real before he will do anything about it - and often he has to get to the low point before he will be able to recognise that and move on up. It doesn't make it any easier for you, I know, and the only thing I can suggest is to leave him to it, and to his own mistakes, and for you to concentrate on your own debtbusting and moneymaking until he shows that he is ready to change things himself.

Good news on the £10 scratch money - I am 20p away from cashin :rolleyes:

SarahNeedle1872

Lemon_Tree wrote: »

sorry to hear about what your OH has been upto, only you know how you will deal with it and him. Hope you enjoye your walk with the dog.

Had a lovely walk thanks LT, DS was exhausted afterwards, so was the dog

nje24 wrote: »

you are unbelievably patient...lol better than loosing it i suppose.I would definately keep yours and you childrens money seperate. Try keeping all debts out of your name.

TBH nje24 I've tried loosing it and it seems to make absolutely no difference to him, so I'm just letting him get on with it now. Sadly the majority of the debt is in my name, because he rating was shocking and we got better rates in my name. He does pay half the cost of all the debts because I take it out his acc every payday (he'd spend it all otherwise!), but I will not be taking on anymore debt. His favourite quote of mine is still 'We are a young couple, we are *supposed* to have debt!':rotfl:He has no access to DSs money, and has no idea how much he has, no access to my money, and we have no financial association beyond our joint tenancy agreement.

jo1972 wrote: »

How strange, we came back from holiday last weekend to find the same thing! Why can't these things happen when you're in the house!!

Good luck with your debtbusting, I shall read with interest

Thanks jo. According to FiL it was a leak in the seal of the overflow pipe... the excess water was trying to go down the overflow pipe but ended up on the floor :rolleyes:

SarahNeedle1872

Lula-Hula wrote: »

Hi sweetie,

*subscribed*

have just come across this & wanted to say how much I admire your PMA & determination to deal with everything inspite of much adversity.

I know only too well the difficulties of dealing with an OH who is less than honest when it comes to money although thankfully that saga is long ago & now I just have to deal with my own naughtiness when it comes to money .

Re the depression, you're amazing to be coping with that, I suffered from it a while ago ( mild reactive rather than full on clinical) & actually irritated myself by having it, dont think I could cope with it in a partner . Mental resolve to never go there again. I know you said you dont get it & I hope you dont mind me mentioning it but I would recommend reading a book by David Hines called 'Beating Depression'. It gives a good idea of what it's all about - the different forms it takes - & suggests ways of dealing with it. It's the only book on it I've ever read & it gave me the motivation to overcomes it asap.

Sometime the debt goes down, & sometimes it goes up :rolleyes: - for many reasons. The point is that you get that that is is an issue & are prepared to deal with it.

You've provided me with a huge amount of support & encouragement in times of need & I hope in some small way I can return the favour.

Number 1 - STEP AWAY from the Next Directory & dare I suggest that you join the Clothes Challenge for personal wear next year :eek::D

Lula
xx

Thanks Lula, I kinda lost track of your diary lately , but have been catching up over the last couple of days I will definately take a look at that book, I feel terrible for not understanding what he's going through and how to help him. I'm also gonna take a look for the clothes challenge

hypno06 wrote: »

Sorry to read your news on OH, but as you know, he has to have his own LBM for real before he will do anything about it - and often he has to get to the low point before he will be able to recognise that and move on up. It doesn't make it any easier for you, I know, and the only thing I can suggest is to leave him to it, and to his own mistakes, and for you to concentrate on your own debtbusting and moneymaking until he shows that he is ready to change things himself.

Good news on the £10 scratch money - I am 20p away from cashin :rolleyes:

Thanks Hypno, I intend to now. I've tried shouting at him, explaining things to him, now ignoring is the last tactic! I genuinely think he is not interested in money other than wanting to spend it. He throws away my spread sheet every time I print it for him to see, and gets angry every time I try to explain why we can't afford something.... I guess there's just no helping some people! Thanks for popping in though, its like having a celeb stop in for a cuppa

Sx

hypno06

SarahNeedle1872 wrote: »

Thanks for popping in though, its like having a celeb stop in for a cuppa

Sx

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

In_my_dreams

Just had a read through your thread and just wanted to say you are doing remarkably well when your OH isn't on board. I am struggling a little with my OH who hates debt but hates cutting back, but I think I would have flipped by now.

Your remarks about depression are spot on. I have someone very close to me who suffers from depression. I feel terrible because I just don't "get it" and I am a very get up and go type person and don't know why they don't. Feel very selfish but you used the exact words I would want to!

As for Next! I try and avoid it like the plague but then I accidentally find it and all the lovely things in it.

I also copied your houseworking rota

SarahNeedle1872

In_my_dreams wrote: »

Just had a read through your thread and just wanted to say you are doing remarkably well when your OH isn't on board. I am struggling a little with my OH who hates debt but hates cutting back, but I think I would have flipped by now.

Your remarks about depression are spot on. I have someone very close to me who suffers from depression. I feel terrible because I just don't "get it" and I am a very get up and go type person and don't know why they don't. Feel very selfish but you used the exact words I would want to!

As for Next! I try and avoid it like the plague but then I accidentally find it and all the lovely things in it.

I also copied your houseworking rota

Thanks imd Not sure he will ever be on board

So got an email today saying that this months Quidco payment is 18p! :rotfl: Was hoping that the Amex money would be paid this month so I can cancel the card, hopefully it will be paid next month instead.... esp as I got a letter from them last week saying that they will be introducing a dormant acc fee of £20!
Scratchies done this morning, got a £1 and a 10p
Nothing exciting happeneing with the banking as its a B/Hol... I paid next months rent already.... I was setting up the payment for the 1st but forgot to change the date, so it went on the 27th Don't expect the LL will mind!

*Jellie*

Things still very up and down then- must be a nightmare never knowing how much money is coming in month to month.
Keep going!!

mrscmr

Hi sarah... i found your diary. thanks for popping into mine!

sorry to read about your OH - i have v similar OH - he doesnt tell me stuff [well he didnt]. thought about buying truth serum - but couldnt afford it .. ha ha!

be brave and strong and you will win in the end. i know it seems over whelming at moment but you are taking your first steps. everyone here will support you in difficult times and smile and cheer with you in good ones!

have a great day!
x
ps - i have subscribed!

Primula

Sorry to read about OH's sneaky loan, but like you say, not a lot you can do about it. Don't really have anything to add, except good luck really.