Daughter and her Relationships

pulliptears

DKLS wrote: »

Perhaps it would be useful to remind her what holiday reps are like. I did one summer season and all of us used to have our holiday romances that would last exactly 2 weeks, we would wave off one lot claiming we would be in touch and wouldst forget them until the next flight came in full of new totty.

Thing is though, teenage girls wouldn't listen to that. They would usually think it was Mum being mean and not understanding

beachbeth

pulliptears wrote: »

Thing is though, teenage girls wouldn't listen to that. They would usually think it was Mum being mean and not understanding

This is why I haven't said this to her. Because then it would be me that was upsetting her and it would almost be my fault if the Rep eventually dumped her!

She was attracted to a Rep a couple of years ago and he promised to keep in touch but he never did. She was a little upset but not too bad. I thought that this would happen this time and tried to warn her that Reps are meeting people all the time and don't always have time etc. but this Rep has been speaking to her every night after he has finished work since we got back home. So if he ends it now its almost going to be worse than if he hadn't bothered in the first place!

BlondeHeadOn

beachbeth wrote: »

You are right, of course. I do tell her she is a lovely person inside and out and that any boy is lucky if she likes them! I suppose Im just worried because she is 19 and at the same age I had already met the man who is now my hubby!

I didn't meet the man who is now my hubby until I was 36. Everyone is different!

19 sounds way to young to me to be searching for her lifetime partner. If it happens, great, but she has just loads of time to grow up and find herself first. Loads of time.

DKLS

pulliptears wrote: »

Thing is though, teenage girls wouldn't listen to that. They would usually think it was Mum being mean and not understanding

True, but all teens should know what DJs and Reps and their ilk are like, for that summer I behaved like a complete dog.

Ladywhisper

I think getting to know guys before going out is good for most. I went out with no-one till i was 17, then a couple of little dates with a couple of guys i met (not at same time ofcourse), neither lasted no more than a week. Then I started dating a boy at work after we'd got to know each other and its now been 3 years together, moved out together and all is great. We don't argue, we talk things out, we know each other so well & i think things would never have reached such a stage without our friendship first. I cant remmeber a time without him. We're even engaged.

I don't regret never having the big 'dating scene', or how long it took to find a bf. Things will work out, she'll see the distance thing wont work properly and just be there for her at the end. She'll find a guy in her own time. Just support her and let her live her life. A broken heart mends.

pulliptears

DKLS wrote: »

True, but all teens should know what DJs and Reps and their ilk are like, for that summer I behaved like a complete dog.

lol, knowing and believing are two different things though. Funny isn't it when you get older you realise your Mum was right, but at the time she was just saying these things because she didn't want you to be happy.....

My Mum thinks its funny now that my teenage nightmares are coming back to haunt me in the form of a short little blonde DD who really does know it all....;)

Katie-Kat-Kins

I think she sounds a little immature, a slow developer and she is having this sort of "relationship" to protect herself from something more serious. If she started giving these local boys a chance they might expect more from her than she really wants.

You need to lay off her and leave her to it, just be there, we can see that a rep is probably unsuitable just like a crush on a pop star is never going to come to anything but it is kind of an extension of the same thing.

Be glad that she isn't sleeping around.

Discourage her from thinking she will end up a single old spinster with cats!!! 19 is waaaaaaaaay to young to settle down with one man. It may have worked for you but for most people it is too young, especially now with teens not growing up as fast as they used to (most aren't self sufficient until over 21).

I met my husband at 26 and married him this year at 30, you change a lot in the period from 18-25 and tying yourself down unnecessarily early is a receipe for future unhappiness.

RadoJo

I think this is a case of different strokes for different folks - your description of your daughter's dating habits sounds a lot like mine, and I married one of the boys I 'got to know' last year. I'm a bit surprised that you seem to be trying to encourage her to go out with people she's not interested in, which is a little unfair to her and them if she knows she isn't attracted to them.
I can't see the problem with her not finding someone she wants to marry at the same age you did - it may have worked for you, but if she replicates your choices over everything, she'll miss out on discovering things for herself. I appreciate that you might be putting yourself in her position and thinking about how happy you were with your husband to be at that age, but it doesn't mean she isn't happy with the way she does things, even if there is a little frog kissing while she waits for her prince.

I'm sure it's hard to be there and not give advice when she is upset, but it is a natural part of the process of finding a long-term relatioship. If it helps, think what you would have said if your parents had tried to give you dating advice at that age - most children don't want their parents to preside over their relationships, and you risk her not coming to you in future if she thinks you view her approach as wrong.

pinkshoes

beachbeth wrote: »

Trouble is she won't give any of them a chance. She seems to have to get to know them first before deciding whether she likes them as a boyfriend. Ive said to her that you go out with boys and try them out for size and then get to know them better. You can then decide whether you want to carry on with them or whether you aren't suited and this is what most people do. She can't seem to do this though.

Maybe I've read this the wrong way, but to me it sounds like your daughter is being sensible, and what you want her to do is be a sl*t!!!

The whole point of life is learning, and when you make mistakes, you learn from them.

It's a mum's job to be a shoulder to cry on when things go Pete Tong!

I'd just leave her to her own devices, and be there for her when she needs to talk.

MrsTinks

I didn't "date" loads of guys that age either... wasn't until I was in my early/mid twenties that I started dating properly - I had boyfriends before that (even a fiance at one point!) and I knew all my boyfriends as friends before I dated them... She's young and finding her feet - be there to support her if and when it's needed but you have to let her do things her own way and not the way YOU think she should do it... So what if the rep thing goes no-where? It MIGHT go loads of places when he returns to the UK... you never know