Alcohol self help thread II

jayne.doe

My consumption at the moment varies but i can honestly say it has never been so low. Tonight i am not drinking, tommorrow i dont know Lewt.:) I have a problem in that i dont like people staring at me. I really dont want to go into it. But its a problem so everyone looking at me in a room would be my idea of hell. I couldnt even get married in a church, as the idea of being looked out freaked me out. God now i sound a weirdo i am normal honest:)

Al_Mac

I mind if people are looking at me. Got called into work in the wee small hours, there were about 20 people in, a cheer went up as I arrived. I wanted to die I used to be alright if I made myself the centre of attention, doesn't work anymore, just hate it.

I couldn't walk into one either, but perhaps we should, could be something we need to do Not AA, just a room full of people

lewt

come round mine and we'll have a mini either wlking in room session or aa meeting.

lewt

jayne.doe wrote:

My consumption at the moment varies but i can honestly say it has never been so low. Tonight i am not drinking, tommorrow i dont know Lewt.:) I have a problem in that i dont like people staring at me. I really dont want to go into it. But its a problem so everyone looking at me in a room would be my idea of hell. I couldnt even get married in a church, as the idea of being looked out freaked me out. God now i sound a weirdo i am normal honest:)

i ahd that problem too. what i did was sat at the front of big meetings so no1 except the chair could see me, it worked.

habibi_2

beer2006 wrote:

I'm confused, Habibi you say you're not a victim, but I think you are.
Everyone who has an alcoholic partner is.
However I disagree with Al, I don't think I am a victim, I think I'm the cause of the problem, I could have dealt with it before it got so bad, but I didn't my fault. No one elses, mine.
I don't disagree with anyone else thinking they are a victim, thats fine by me, but I am definately not.

I'm confused too, I can't really follow everything that has been said on here. Like you, Beer, I am definetly not a victim. However, I have suffered greatly through the family disease of alcoholism.
When I first went to Al-Anon when I hit my rock bottom, I was totally obsessed by the drinker in my life and what "he" had "done" to me. I had as much trouble putting him down as he had putting down the drink. I tolerated a lot of unacceptable behaviour and I, too, had choices about that. I learnt gradually to get on with my own life and leave him to get on with his. I came to see that I had allowed what had gone on in my life, I couldn't blame it on anyone else.
I have been reminded lately how much I went by what people said to me and not by what they did - words not actions.
Lewt, I agree with you about saying these things to a room full of people, made them real somehow. Also about the love my sponsor gave me, whatever I said and whatever I had done. She just acceopts me as I am.

Thanks Rose and Michael for sharing with us what is going on for you.

Al_Mac

I'd have thought saying you suffered would say you are a victim in some way.

But again it is down to personal opinion and interpretation.

So acceptance of others views is good

Drink, however, is bad

lewt

Al_Mac wrote:

I'd have thought saying you suffered would say you are a victim in some way.

But again it is down to personal opinion and interpretation.

yep your right is my left and all that

habibi_2

Al_Mac wrote:

I'd have thought saying you suffered would say you are a victim in some way.

But again it is down to personal opinion and interpretation.

So acceptance of others views is good

Drink, however, is bad

I think to me a victim is someone who suffers through no fault of their own. So I did suffer but I can't blame everything on the drinker. Because of my own sickness, I allowed a lot of this stuff to happen to me
It's been good hearing everyone's opinion on it.

Can I come to the meeting? I used to creep into the room making myself as small as possible. I've almost overcome that now

Drink is lovely (in moderation) :beer:

mjdh1957

habibi wrote:

I'm confused too, I can't really follow everything that has been said on here. Like you, Beer, I am definetly not a victim. However, I have suffered greatly through the family disease of alcoholism.
When I first went to Al-Anon when I hit my rock bottom, I was totally obsessed by the drinker in my life and what "he" had "done" to me. I had as much trouble putting him down as he had putting down the drink. I tolerated a lot of unacceptable behaviour and I, too, had choices about that. I learnt gradually to get on with my own life and leave him to get on with his. I came to see that I had allowed what had gone on in my life, I couldn't blame it on anyone else.
I have been reminded lately how much I went by what people said to me and not by what they did - words not actions.
Lewt, I agree with you about saying these things to a room full of people, made them real somehow. Also about the love my sponsor gave me, whatever I said and whatever I had done. She just acceopts me as I am.

Thanks Rose and Michael for sharing with us what is going on for you.

That rings so true for my experience. When we were together, I thought I was a victim - everything was his fault and if only he were different (or dead) then I could get on with life. I wasn't in charge, I had abdicated responsbility for the problems onto someone else.

Later on, I learned that I really had a choice, and that the situation I was in was my responsiblity and I could change it. That's when I could start going 'up' and take positive steps for myself. I had some good strong support too, and I am so grateful, but the actions were mine and I really am proud of myself for what I have done.

I did try and persuade Roderick to go to AA but he refused point blank. I wasn't aware of Al-Anon back then for myself, but with hindsight now I wish I had gone to a group. But I found my way out, so that's the important thing.

habibi_2

mjdh1957 wrote:

That rings so true for my experience. When we were together, I thought I was a victim - everything was his fault and if only he were different (or dead) then I could get on with life. I wasn't in charge, I had abdicated responsbility for the problems onto someone else.

Later on, I learned that I really had a choice, and that the situation I was in was my responsiblity and I could change it. That's when I could start going 'up' and take positive steps for myself. I had some good strong support too, and I am so grateful, but the actions were mine and I really am proud of myself for what I have done.

I did try and persuade Roderick to go to AA but he refused point blank. I wasn't aware of Al-Anon back then for myself, but with hindsight now I wish I had gone to a group. But I found my way out, so that's the important thing.

Thanks for that. It's lovely you are so proud of yourself, you deserve it. I willingly handed my life over to my Ex for him to sort it out. But also , I wasted so much of my life trying to sort him out - I know today the more I persuaded the more he resisted.
Al-Anon is for those who are or have been affected by someone else's drinking - you know it's there for you if you ever need it.