Alcohol self help thread II

jayne.doe

Yes *sigh* i know you and lewt are both right. Especially re the stiff upper lip bit. But this thread is good for me. What i wrote last night i would never have written 6mths ago. Everything was kept totally bottled up. The people i meet here, i honestly could find no better at aa. I feel able to express myself here comfortably, with the odd little outburst.:)

mjdh1957

What worked a lot for me was to look at my self-esteem, and I found a course that has helped a lot with that. Part of my problem (there are so many parts) was that with low self-esteem I believed that any relationship, even a dysfunctional one, was better than nothing, and that my needs and wants always come second to my partner's.

Realising that all that was hogwash was a big step on my road to recovery. Now I know that I am a worthwhile human being, and even though sometimes I can get into a mess, that doesn't affect my fundmental all-rightness.

I can still remember how nervous I felt about telling a group of strangers, firstly that I was gay and secondly not long out of a long relationship with an alcoholic.... Half of me expected to be rejected (in reality, I knew that the rest of the group were unlikely to do that), but the fear was still real. Sometimes, the fear is a lot worse than the reality.

beer2006

Micheal, thanks for your lovely words and its always nice to hear from someone who has come out from the other side from problems alot of people on here suffer from.

Although alot of people I know would be absolutely astonished to know I have low self esteem, indeed many of them would literally fall about on the floor laughing, in fact they actually have done when I told one or two of them, or tried to tell them anyway. :rolleyes:
I don't pretend to understand it, its so wierd, but the more I learn about myself, the easier it seems to get.

I think you are the first person to come out on here Who's next?

mjdh1957

I know just what you mean, beer2006! I know I'm intelligent, quick-witted and can do all sorts of things really well, but somewhere in the back of my mind is a little demon that tells me that I'm a failure and no-one is ever going to like me....

It was such a relief to learn that I wasn't the only one who felt like that. And the more I talk about what is bothering me the easier it gets. Aren't we human beings strange creatures? Me and my partner now have 3 cats, and none of them seems to have issues with self-esteem, they all just know that they fabulous creatures and can do whatever they like. I might apply to come back as a cat in my next life - spend all day snoozing in the sun then get to jump on someone's lap and purr away all evening!

mjdh1957

Oh, and I can't believe I really am the only person on here to have come out in a thread of over 300 pages

Sadly, I think that rates of alcoholism and depression are higher among gay men and lesbians than the general population. Possibly due to getting a lot of negative messages from society and the media (maybe less so nowadays compared to when I was a lad back in the early 70s).

Al_Mac

mjdh1957 wrote:

Oh, and I can't believe I really am the only person on here to have come out in a thread of over 300 pages

I came out, but only in the drinking sense:D

There haven't been that many long term posters. That could be why. You just obviously jumped in feeling comfortable, fine by me:eek:

beer2006

Thats true, theres only a few of us here from the start, lots of people who look in alot I think though, who used to post. Just maybe, the alcoholic thread is not the best place to come out

Oh Micheal I meant to say, well done with your debts btw. Brilliant.

mjdh1957

I'm a regular poster on the Debt-free wannabe board, it's another area I have some experience with

The debts started back when Roderick and I were together. We were both self-employed (I still am) and his income was dropping the more he was drinking, and so things started to get on top of us. We sold a flat and moved into a rented one, cashed in endowments and it still wasn't enough. So when we broke up I was in a lot of financial difficulties, and to be honest didn't get them all sorted out for a long time. Went down the consolidate and run-up-more-debt path which is very common.

I finally had a real lightbulb moment and decided never again (funnily enough, it was about the same time I stopped drinking myself), and haven't looked back since.

lewt

jayne.doe wrote:

. The people i meet here, i honestly could find no better at aa. I feel able to express myself here comfortably,

I'm sure you would find that to be unture jayne the people on here are good to talk to, i know i'm one of them:D however the fellowship is something that cant be compared to this thread in anyway. the unconditionaly love a sponser gives is something i've never experienced before. it's truely amazing.

the good thing is that you know it's there when your ready for it. as i strongly belive(sorry al) it's the only way to stop and stay stopped.

For me it was about getting out my "comfort zone" as that kept me sick, i had to walk in and sit down and admit to a room full of strangers (at the time) and say im an alky/junkie. it took my ego away. tought me some humilty. i now know this is something i cant do alone. i have to share exactly how im feeling with another recovering alcoholic. blind leading the blind? maybe but if a blind man has walked down a street once he can help another avoid the holes in the road.......

just out of interest whats your consumption at the mo, per session?
open question, mines zero alcohol but about 8000 caloires aday.

lewt

mjdh1957 wrote:

person

Sadly, I think that rates of alcoholism and depression are higher among gay men and lesbians than the general population. Possibly due to getting a lot of negative messages from society and the media (maybe less so nowadays compared to when I was a lad back in the early 70s).

i actully think that alcoholism is like sexuality in the sense that your born with it it dosent develop.