The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

time2deal

fluffnutter - did you find out why none of them fertilized?

(To give myself something else to worry about...)

fluffnutter

time2deal wrote: »

fluffnutter - did you find out why none of them fertilized?

(To give myself something else to worry about...)

I have poor eggs, not the number, but the quality. They all fragment and shatter when fertilised. Freddie's the result of egg donation. This won't happen to you, I promise. It's highly unusual to be so barren

lilymay1

Fluff, just out of interest, do you plan on telling your son he is from an egg donor when the time comes?

Feel free to tell me sod off if that's too personal. I just wondered

TTC40

Nothing much to report here. How can 2 weeks take so long to pass?

If cycle is usual then AF due on Saturday. Time will tell.

T2D, hope all goes well this week.

fluffnutter

lilymay1 wrote: »

Fluff, just out of interest, do you plan on telling your son he is from an egg donor when the time comes?

Yes, we do. It was something I discussed at length with the counsellor (a session with the counsellor is mandatory at my fertility clinic if you decide to use donors. I think I'd have gone even if it weren't - it was very helpful).

It's recommended that you tell children, simply because morally it's everyone's right to know their origins, if that information is available. There are other, less strong, arguments, e.g. for medical reasons, genetic diseases etc. as there's no point him looking to his mother's family for answers about future health issues.

But for me the most compelling reason is that I don't want Freddie to be the subject of a secret. My family knows, my OH's family knows, a couple of close friends know. The idea that at the very centre of that is someone who doesn't know strikes me as completely unfair and potentially explosive.

Before I was pregnant and during the pregnancy I was very open about it being an IVF pregnancy but not so about the egg donation. I told my family because I felt they had a right to know that they didn't have a genetic link to their newest member, but was reluctant to tell anyone else. The OH mentioned it to his family - he's always been more comfortable about it anyway, perhaps understandably. No one else was told until I found myself unexpectedly telling a couple of close friends recently. It came up in conversation (one friend was talking about her friend who's pregnant with her girlfriend's egg and another friend asked about wearing glasses in my family and whether Freddie might be short-sighted later), it felt completely natural and I found myself explaining about the egg donation. It was no big deal. I think that now Freddie's older, I feel utterly confident in the fact that I AM his mother - before I was worried that people might think my role diminished in some way because he's not genetically mine. But he's so totally and completely my baby that these fears have just faded and I now feel able to mention his origins.

There's literature apparently that will help you tell your child. We aim to do this in response to his natural questions about where babies come from etc. We're certainly not going to wait and break it to him in some big announcement when he's a teenager! Rather it's something that I want him to never not know, IYSWIM.

Sorry to go on but, as you might appreciate, it's something I've thought about a lot

lilymay1

Thank you for your very indepth answer If I were ever in the situation of adopting a baby, or carrying a baby that were from an egg/sperm donor, I would like to think i would be open with that child when they were old enough to understand.

One of my best friends at University was the result of sperm donation and it was always known by everyone. Her parents told her when she was 11 I think.

I don't know how everyone else feels, but in my opinion genetics are quite a small part of parenthood. I suppose that's why I am quite keen on donating some of my eggs if I am able to at some point.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I have spent the entire morning crying because I just feel hopeless. CD16, no ovulation, no ewcm, no nothing. I know this is just the start of the journey, I just feel very very sad.

bigzippy

I feel similar lilly :cool:


AF is being a nasty cow. Went out for only 2hrs and leaked. Harumph.

TTC40

TTC40 wrote: »

Nothing much to report here. How can 2 weeks take so long to pass?

If cycle is usual then AF due on Saturday. Time will tell.

T2D, hope all goes well this week.

Ah well, it seems the 2ww wasn't 2 weeks.

CD1. :mad:

Going to the pub for tea & will have a large glass of red.

And so starts cycle 4 of Clomid. Will be calling FS tomorrow to book for CD11 scan - not that it's helped the last 2 months!

lilymay1

TTC - Hugs for CD1. How long was your LP? Are you private?

TTC40

11 days - previous Clomid cycles have been 14.

I'm private - age & weight not on my side. The GP arranged the SA & initial blood tests & then since then it has been private.

I've had the HSG & then an op to clear blocked tubes (fortunately after much wrangling my health insurance paid out for the op).

Didn't bother with a scan in month one, month 2 had scan & trigger injection so we knew exactly when ov was, month 3 did the same again & in addition had blood tests on day 11 & an injection (to boost the follicle I think).

FS said that blood results were good & that of it didn't work, it would be worth another month of the same. So that's what we'll do. We still don't want to do IVF (low % of success vs emotion of treatment) so think we are getting near the end of our road .

It's not cheap, but obviously we are all going through this in the hope we get what we want in the end. If we (meaning OH & I - rather than the forum 'we'), don't get it, well at least we tried. Shame it took until I was 40 to decide I wanted a child - although we'll never know if we would have been successful if we tried earlier.