The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

JoJo77

Thanks for the support dizziblond. I don't know how you manage working with children too, at least my business has nothing to do with babies (although the 15 year old daughter of one of my tenants had a baby last month and is now on the council housing list, which pees me off a bit)

Sorry to hear about the mil to be. My first one used to fly over our house on her broomstick at night I swear! She totally took over the wedding but I don't remember her making any financial contribution to it! I know it's really hard to stick to your guns without causing ww3 but it's your special day. Talk to your dh2b and maybe he can have a word. Take care of yourself.

JoJo77

oh dizzi, I got confused. I thought it was your mil! Not sure what to suggest if it's your own mum. I didn't have a good relationship with mine until the last few years as she used to be pretty 'handy' with me when i was a kid. I've sometimes wondered if the reason I haven't got my bfp is because I might turn out to be like she was as a parent when I was young. Our relationship is better because I confronted her at a family dinner about it all. She didn't deny anything but she gave her side of the story and I felt really sorry for her. She also apologised.

dizziblonde

Working with kids is surprisingly the easy part (harder when I end up with the littlies I have to admit) - I've learnt to cope by mentally putting my "Miss" persona on. What's hell at the moment is seeing kids in other places when I don't have that as a defence mechanism. Family friend is now a doting grandfather and wanted to bring his granddaughter over to see us when we were visiting my parents the other day (my family don't know about the TTC lark - don't want the pressure and don't like letting my mother get inside my head cos that's more ways she can control me), lovely little girl but I just felt myself inwardly recoiling in horror when she came near me and felt completely trapped like my cat when she's in the carrier to go to the vets - I wanted to run out of the room and away from the situation totally - it was utterly horrible, I must have looked like such a vicious child hater but it was more absolute terror get this thing away from me I don't want the reminder of what I can never have.

MadMac_2

Dizziblonde, maybe our mothers were separated at birth! My mother makes a great surrogate and is much easier on my siblings than me.She keeps on telling me to stop mucking around and have a baby (yeah, I'll just flick this switch and ta-da! Silly moo that she is) and when we decided to get married she was instantly making decisions for us - but not for long! We have decided to cover all costs ourselves (so we keep control of everything) and will keep the invite list very small (to her annoyance) and might even yet decide to elope (make her furious!) - only I would be happy with Gretna Green and OH wants Vegas! What to do...

dizziblonde

Mine broached the "you two going to have kids" issue when I was there at the weekend - I just shrugged and went "dunno" (think sulky adolescent meets please for the love of god don't go down this line of discussion) and then got grief for "I can never get a decent answer out of you are you enthusiastic about anything...."

She just seems to set out deliberately to push my buttons and hurt me for a reaction sometimes - like when this friend's kid was there she came out with a load of my teaching big books that I had stored in her shed as our old flat was tiny and made a big show of giving them to the little'un, after I'd said on the phone that I wanted to keep them and would get them when I came up - then she looked at me and was like "well you didn't want them DO YOU" so I pretty much was boxed in to agreeing (some of them have sentimental value as I used them with my first class before my life went to crud) and then smirked at me and flounced out of the room with a "well you agreed to it so don't you dare complain or slang me off"... just seems like things like that all the time, every time I might think I'm getting somewhere and she actually loves me - she gets the sting back in her tail and slaps me back down.

She's actually the reason I wasted all my teens and twenties avoiding getting pregnant (I'm a hideous person, I had an abortion when I was in an abusive, violent relationship so I think the infertility issues this time round are some kind of deserved divine punishment) - because all the women in our family are so vicious to their daughters - I didn't want to perpetuate the cycle and considered getting my tubes tied in my mid-20s to avoid it... mothers are meant to love their kids aren't they?

Bunnie1982

kizmet106 wrote: »

After two years of trying for my daughter I decided to go on a girly weekend to Blackpool and stroked that exact statue.... my little girl was born 9 months later!!! :j

We have now been trying for baby number two for 19 months with no luck - thinks its about time for another visit to Blackpool!! :rotfl:

Do it!!

I moved up to Blackpool about a month ago, have now resolved that I will go into Ripleys and stroke that same statue every week if I have to.

I put the pictures of the statue on facebook and within seconds an old school friend put a comment to say when she came to Blackpool on a hen party both her and a friend stroked the statue and both ended up pregnant......hell I'm willing to try anything!

dizziblonde

Someone mentioned to me there's a pregnancy chair at the Trip to Jerusalem pub in Nottingham - but I haven't been there or tried that one yet.

whitewing

dizziblonde,

It isn't punishment. maybe the time is just not right at the moment.

Your post hit a nerve with me. I worried about having a daughter for similar reasons. First time round I was worried about being a mother at all. (13 years later I'm no worse than anyone else).

All the time we were trying, I worried about having a daughter. But when I actually got pregnant the worry ceased. I feel that I am having a boy. I even had a dream last night that a friend from long ago said, 'Don't worry, it is a boy'.

Logically, I know it may be either.

Anyway, trust in fate. You aren't your mother; you're your own person. With the support on MSE you will find a way to manage whatever happens.

JoJo77

Anyone fancy a trip to Blackpool via Nottingham? I'm now willing to try anything! It could be a TTC away day

MadMac_2

JoJo, I'm also willing to try anything, but living in Devon it would be an awfully long way to come!

Dizziblonde, reading your posts through again this evening and it is making me feel more and more cross towards your mother, a woman I will never know! How controlling and dominating she sounds, no wonder you ended up in an abusive relationship, you had probably been in one for years with your mother. But that is behind you now and you are in control, remember that. Please try to not let her push you about, even over things such as the books, you will feel stronger the more you can stand up to yourself with her.

I'm the same around babies - I refuse to hold them, cuddle them or play with them as it just hurts too much - but I still hope that one day that baby will be mine - and I hope you can still feel that glimmer of hope too, reading you say you think it is sometime you'll never have made me cry again today - it has been one of those weekends! So I hope our support will help you through and do moan, rant and cry with us, x