The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

bigzippy

Didn't manage to post yesterday, and on my phone now so can't reply to much, but wanted to pop in and say:

T2D hoping all goes spectacularly well for you today and that you recover magnificently

Derby! Congratulations! Don't feel embarrassed, or whatever, please - you're the dream!

Fingers crossed Runner!

Well done on resigning, Tea!

Glad you're doing well, Sarah!

Lilymay, I'm alright except I'm not too well-general winteryness (which I expect to continue really, given my compromised immune system). DH, on the other hand...not doing too great The mere idea of Christmas without his mum, and generally just missing her...well, he's struggling. And I can't fix it

Sorry, can't see/remember anything else

I feel sorry for Kate (+ Will) and I, in no way, envy her. However, I really don't want this to be all over the news for the entire 9 months, and then the newborn press coverage too... I was with my parents in a garden centre last night and it came on the news on a tele there - dad saw it, called to mum to watch it, told her the "good news", she got all squealy and excited... and I wanted the floor to swallow me I realised last night that I hadn't even considered that I might get/be pg while she is...how's that for dismissing hope? :cool:

lilymay1

pinkteapot wrote: »

Also, posted a while back that our first NHS FS appt was on 8th November. I was told 6-8 weeks for second appt and it came through for 28th March. Got a letter a few days later cancelling that one and rescheduling for 11th April. Need to book in for a HyCoSy scan this cycle which will show if my tubes are blocked, but if the scan does show anything wrong then the appt to discuss options won't be until 11th April which feels like so long away.

If you get booked in for the HyCoSy this cycle you will be doing really well. It was almost 3 months to the day from my appointment to my HSG actually taking place. I remember phoning up to ask how long it was going to take and the receptionist told me there were women who had been waiting 6 months!
Is your OH having an SA done? They didn't book my HSG until my OH had given 2 sperm samples and the results had come back normal (this took about a month). Obviously, if there the problem had been with him then doing an HSG on me would have been pointless!

I don't mean this to sound patronising in any way, shape or form and I am really sorry if it comes across that way....but fertility on the NHS moves really slowly. There will be cancelled appointments and you will be waiting months between being seen. It will save you a lot of upset and frustration if you know that from the beginning.

bigzippy wrote: »

Lilymay, I'm alright except I'm not too well-general winteryness (which I expect to continue really, given my compromised immune system). DH, on the other hand...not doing too great The mere idea of Christmas without his mum, and generally just missing her...well, he's struggling. And I can't fix it


I feel sorry for Kate (+ Will) and I, in no way, envy her. However, I really don't want this to be all over the news for the entire 9 months, and then the newborn press coverage too... I was with my parents in a garden centre last night and it came on the news on a tele there - dad saw it, called to mum to watch it, told her the "good news", she got all squealy and excited... and I wanted the floor to swallow me I realised last night that I hadn't even considered that I might get/be pg while she is...how's that for dismissing hope? :cool:

I'm sorry your OH is feeling so low. It's hard when there isn't anything you can say. My husband lost his dad, his mum and then our daughter within the space of about 13 months and he was at rock bottom. It is so hard when there is nothing you can say or do, particularly when you are grieving too.

I have no opinion on the 'Royal Baby'. I wish her well and hope that she has an uneventful pregnancy, but I really couldn't care less that they are having a child! While she will have to play it out in the media, she will have the best medical care possible and that's something only us mear motals can dream about...

Bitter much?

pinkteapot

Thanks lilymay1. You didn't sound patronising - I understand. Naively assumed booking the scan wouldn't be a problem. It's officially CD1 now so I tried calling. I've called more than 150 times and the number is just permanently engaged. I've been fine until now but I just keep crying today. I live opposite the hospital so I'm wondering if they can try and book it if I walk over there to the scan department? If it can't be done this cycle that's fine - I just want to know. Spending hours listening to an engaged tone is driving me up the wall.

pinkteapot

p.s. OH's SA came back absolutely fine.

tea_lover

PTP - good news on the SA results. I totally get what you mean about not being able to get through on the phone. It's notoriously difficult to get through to the clinic we're at. Bad enough at the best of times but when you're trying to arrange a day-specific procedure it drives you up the wall. If you're that close and you have the time I can't see that it would hurt to pop over. It's not like you're going over there to kick off lol.

ETA: just wondered if it might be worth calling the main reception and asking to be put through? Sometimes they try a different number to the one patients are given. Sorry if you've already tried that.

lilymay1

pinkteapot wrote: »

Thanks lilymay1. You didn't sound patronising - I understand. Naively assumed booking the scan wouldn't be a problem. It's officially CD1 now so I tried calling. I've called more than 150 times and the number is just permanently engaged. I've been fine until now but I just keep crying today. I live opposite the hospital so I'm wondering if they can try and book it if I walk over there to the scan department? If it can't be done this cycle that's fine - I just want to know. Spending hours listening to an engaged tone is driving me up the wall.

Don't blame yourself, you arn't naive. This is what I meant about FS's needing to be really clear about just how long and drawn out the process is. I was so hopeful when I got seen about 5 weeks after my referral...little did I know it was all going to take so long. It seems especially cruel for someone who has been trying for 12 or 24 months already. I was very lucky in that respect.

Don't take my word for it though, you may get it done this cycle and fingers crossed it happens. It won't hurt to just go across to the department if you can. I also echo your sentiments about engaged tones! I swear my department don't actually have a phone, they just give out the number of the hospital basementl! :rotfl:

Great news about your OH's SA

pinkteapot

Went over there and they can't do it this month. She said the phone should have been working fine... As she put it back on the hook! :eek:

Next cycle also unlikely apparently as someone is "off for the whole of December". But normally they see you the second cycle if you've been refused once, so it should be the one after next. Although I've lost a bit of confidence in what they say...

I don't deal well with waits of unknown length. What upset me was the fact that at the first appt they said second would be in 6-8 weeks. But in fact it's five months later. If they'd just said what the current wait was then I'd have known.

Ho hum.

DH just asked if I want to look into going private. I just started crying again and said I can't deal with any of it today. Really don't know what's wrong with me today; just having one of those days where you want to hide under a duvet!

tea_lover

pinkteapot wrote: »

DH just asked if I want to look into going private. I just started crying again and said I can't deal with any of it today. Really don't know what's wrong with me today; just having one of those days where you want to hide under a duvet!

Big hugs sweetie, think we can all sympathise with those days. It doesn't sound as if you need to make any decisions today so maybe forget about it (as much as you can) and agree to talk about it later. Easier said than done I know, but sometimes your head just isn't in the right place to think about these things.

Chocolate? Usually helps . How nice does a duvet day sound? Maybe we should all do that.

lilymay1

pinkteapot wrote: »

Went over there and they can't do it this month. She said the phone should have been working fine... As she put it back on the hook! :eek:

Next cycle also unlikely apparently as someone is "off for the whole of December". But normally they see you the second cycle if you've been refused once, so it should be the one after next. Although I've lost a bit of confidence in what they say...

I don't deal well with waits of unknown length. What upset me was the fact that at the first appt they said second would be in 6-8 weeks. But in fact it's five months later. If they'd just said what the current wait was then I'd have known.

Ho hum.

DH just asked if I want to look into going private. I just started crying again and said I can't deal with any of it today. Really don't know what's wrong with me today; just having one of those days where you want to hide under a duvet!

Oh I just want to give you a big hug :(:(

If it's any help, I looked into getting my HSG done privately and I was quoted £1600 and £1800 by 2 different clinics close to me. That included the procedure and an appointment to discuss the results.

I have a lot of empathy with 'unknown waits'. It is so horrible being in limbo.

bigzippy

DH would be having permanent duvet day, atm I think :cool:

Lilymay/PTP - on the subject of timescales, when I told my sis I was getting clomid to try for 6months, after which we'd get referred for IVF, she said "6 months isn't long to try!".:mad: She actually has no idea what she's talking about. And it's not even 6 months when you work in how long you're waiting for the appt to go back to FS, then their referral time to the AC clinic, then the wait around for the appropriate cycle day etc etc! If you haven't been through this (or been that very very rare very close friend that follows the ins and outs with you) carp, you simply just don't know.:cool:

I get the impression (I've avoided news reports) KMids has been admitted for hyperemesis - but I was wondering why some private physician hadn't just bunged up an IVF etc for her at home to keep it out of the private eye...? I do wonder though, whether they'd get flak either way - if they go private then "why isn't the NHS good enough for you, but is for us?". If they don't, then "why aren't you giving the Royal Baby the best care possible". Like I say, no way I'd way to be them. :cool:

I'd still rather have my own bump along their way though