The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Primmer

BZ - the doctor said they would increase my menapur dose next time from 275ml to probably 300ml and that they would recommend icsi rather than conventional ivf next time. She said that 7 eggs I had last time was slightly under the number they would expect eg. 8-10 and so increasing menapur should help with extra eggs and that of the 7 eggs collected last time only 2 fertilised which is a lot less than generally expected and so with icsi it is hoped to increase the chance of more fertilising in the hope that there would be stronger/better class of embryo to put back than the two they put back last time. But even with all that the chances of success are between 20-25% for my age and so a lot to think about it.

bigzippy

TTC40 wrote: »

I had to have my stitches out too BZ. The nurse said that the length of time they take to disolve means that they become very itchy so it's better to have them taken out.

For me it was very straight forward & the thought of it was worse.

I wasn't told not to drive after mine. It was tender when I did though.

Apparently they should've done? Unless I had something different. My GP said legally I have to wait 2 weeks at least and then try stamping on the brakes like and emergency stop. If I can do it without pain it's ok to drive again. Something to do with insurance I think...?

tea_lover wrote: »

My stitches have never dissolved either. Makes you wonder if they need to start making them out of something else! I felt so much better once they were out as they were getting pinchy.

*daydreams about inventing a dissolvable stitch material that actually dissolves and earning millions from it...*

The market's wide open!

Primmer wrote: »

BZ - the doctor said they would increase my menapur dose next time from 275ml to probably 300ml and that they would recommend icsi rather than conventional ivf next time. She said that 7 eggs I had last time was slightly under the number they would expect eg. 8-10 and so increasing menapur should help with extra eggs and that of the 7 eggs collected last time only 2 fertilised which is a lot less than generally expected and so with icsi it is hoped to increase the chance of more fertilising in the hope that there would be stronger/better class of embryo to put back than the two they put back last time. But even with all that the chances of success are between 20-25% for my age and so a lot to think about it.

Good.luck with it all. I don't have any advice but I'm thinking of you

TTC40

Primmer wrote: »

BZ - the doctor said they would increase my menapur dose next time from 275ml to probably 300ml and that they would recommend icsi rather than conventional ivf next time. She said that 7 eggs I had last time was slightly under the number they would expect eg. 8-10 and so increasing menapur should help with extra eggs and that of the 7 eggs collected last time only 2 fertilised which is a lot less than generally expected and so with icsi it is hoped to increase the chance of more fertilising in the hope that there would be stronger/better class of embryo to put back than the two they put back last time. But even with all that the chances of success are between 20-25% for my age and so a lot to think about it.

It becomes a numbers game doesn't it?

When I saw FS last week, he talked about IVF etc. My age (41) means that our chances are pretty low. If there was a guarantee of success then the money/ emotion would be doable, but being realistic it's not a journey for us. Just wish I had made the decision to want a child before I turned 40 - damn biological clock!

tea_lover

Tried to start the donor sperm conversation with OH last night - not fun. I've got no idea if this is something we'd want to do and obv he's not at all keen to even discuss it so far, but I don't want the first time he thinks about it to be during the next FS appt.

Was a bit annoyed that it hadn't even occurred to him as something to think about. His SA results are so low, what did he think we were going to do? Just cross our fingers and hope for the best? And now of course I feel guilty for even daring to be frustrated with him.

Primmer

Hugs Tealover - I know my dh finds all fertility matters hard to discuss and some of it with him is lack of knowledge. I did find that after fs or ivf clinic mentioned something it was easier for me to discuss with him. Before we started seeing fs and then ivf clinic he really didn't have a clue which showed how much he listened to me over the years of ttc :rotfl: he is a lot better now but still doesn't really discuss things in much detail.

bigzippy

I hate that guilt that comes with discussing ttc matters. You don't want to upset them, but it is upsetting to you anyway, and not discussing things with your OH is bad for the relationship so you feel guilty if you're not talking, especially if you them feel like you're lying by not telling them what's really on your mind.

It sucks.

Maybe your fella needs to hear it from them first? I found that my dh knew/has considered more than I'd thought he had, but didn't let on til after the FS appointment. He was doing the bloke thing of not discussing/considering something until absolutely necessary, cos otherwise you're just winding yourself up for what may be nothing... Man logic

tea_lover

bigzippy wrote: »

I found that my dh knew/has considered more than I'd thought he had, but didn't let on til after the FS appointment. He was doing the bloke thing of not discussing/considering something until absolutely necessary, cos otherwise you're just winding yourself up for what may be nothing... Man logic

Nah, there's just no space in my OH's head for anything other than FIFA and car forums *rollseyes*

bigzippy

tea_lover wrote: »

Nah, there's just no space in my OH's head for anything other than FIFA and car forums *rollseyes*

in which case, I wish you the best of luck!

How do *you* feel about donor s'perm?

tea_lover

bigzippy wrote: »

How do *you* feel about donor s'perm?

It wouldn't bother me at all in the sense of feeling it was 'our' child, which is the same way I feel about the thought of donor eggs. As far as I'm concerned, even if we had to 'borrow' some of the building blocks to get going, this would be totally our baby.

Imho, it takes a hell of a lot more than functioning sperm to make a good dad. OH's dad has got 9 children, to 7 different women, and walked out on all of them. OH didn't see him at all for over 20 years, and only then when he (OH) got in touch again. We all get on great now but he's obviously rubbish with little people. He's still not in contact at all with at least 3 of his children. To me, that just shows that sperm is such a teeny tiny part of it all - he's 'got the goods' as it were, but tbh has been a useless father until his children were over 40.

What does concern me though is whether OH could ever accept the child fully. Would he resent the child? Would he use it against me if we argued? What if we split up? Would he ever really see the child as his in the same way as if he was the biological father? What if we then did get pg (by some miracle), would he treat them differently?

Oh my goodness, what an enormous stream of consciousness , bet you wish you'd never asked now!

fluffnutter

Can I share my experiences? As some of you know, my baby was conceived using donated eggs. Whilst it's slightly different for women because carrying and giving birth to a baby provide an opportunity to begin bonding, I did discuss with my husband how he'd feel if the baby I was carrying was my eggs and donated sperm.

He said it would make no difference and that the important thing for him was seeing the woman he loved pregnant with a child we were going to raise together. I think it's different being there at the start - sharing that first pregnancy test moment, being at the scans, being at the birth etc. It's worlds apart to meeting a woman who already has children and hoping to be a father to them. In the latter scenario there's usually already a father; in the former, your husband is the only father the baby will ever have. You say you wonder if your husband would accept the child, tea lover. IME, men struggle to accept another man's child because of their innate (or learned, who knows?) competitiveness. If there's no one else on the scene, I bet this wouldn't even cross most men's minds.

IME, donated eggs, donated sperm, donated embryos - it all makes no difference whatsoever. From the moment you're pregnant that baby is YOURS, yours and your husband's.