The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Chakani

Hi ladies, I'm just a visitor popping in, but would you mind if I asked a question of anyone who's had or considered IVF?

I have a friend who is desperate for children, and is planning her second cycle of IVF (they have limited embryos due to health problems, so it's very stressful for them)

I have just found out that I am pregnant, and obviously all being well, she's going to know sometime, but I'm trying to decide what would be the most sensitive thing to do. The 12 week point when we would normally be telling the world and his dog, is almost exactly when they are planning their next cycle. Would you want to know asap, quietly, and be asked to keep it quiet, and potentially being aware of a miscarriage that other people don't know about, or should I keep it quiet a few months longer (would be possible as we live a long distance away), until they know whether the IVF has worked or not?

Of course, in a perfect world, we will be blissfully pregnant together and none of this will be a problem...

SBDTA xxxx

ginvzt

I don't know hat to answer you. I think I would appreciate if I was told rather sooner than later. If you told me few months after anyone else, I would be more upset, I think. Well, one of my friends didn't tell me she is pregnant until I saw her days before my wedding and she was 5 months. I as happy for her, but I would have appreciated if she told me earlier.

One of our friends got pg last spring just after visiting us and they new that we have been trying for a while. It did hurt that it wasn't me still, but I really appreciated that they told us basically as soon as they found out, rather than us hearing from other people. We don't think anyone else (well, maybe some of the family) knew at that time. They told us by phone, as we live in different countries. I had a bit of a cry, but I was happy for them.

Js_Other_Half

Chakani,

One my best friends told she was pg once she'd had her 12 week scan. We'd only just been told we needed IVF, and I sobbed once she got off the phone. However, I was delighted for her and appreciated it had taken some courage to make the call. I would always say tell your friend at the same time as you would tell anyone else. xx

Chakani

Thankyou, I really appreciate your response, it's hard to know what is the best thing to do, especially as I've never been in their situation.

If we were going to keep it quiet, we would keep it quiet from everyone apart from close family, not just them, but if we did that, it would give them less time to get used to it before our baby arrived, and maybe if the second cycle didn't work, it might be worse finding out then that someone else was having a baby?

I think I am veering towards telling them sooner so they can have time to get used to it before they have to worry about the IVF. Any other opinions very welcome too.

ETA - JOH, it's just the timing that bothers me, it would feel cruel for them to find out when they are waiting to see if their IVF has worked.

jiblets1

Chakani, first of all, well done for being so considerate towards your friends feelings. You obviously understand that it's a sensitive and emotional issue. And not everyone gets that.

I would say tell her whenever you like, early or later, but YOU tell her, and tell her on her own. I don't think it can really be helped if the timing coincides with an IVF cycle (though during the 2 week wait while she waits for her results might not be the best time). OH's best friend announced they were pregnant in the middle of a party, and I found that really hard because I needed a minute to go off and feel sorry for myself (shed a couple of private tears) and I was denied that. I wouldn't take your partner (unless you are both equally friendly with her) and just tell her that you know it's difficult timing for her, but you wouldn't want her to hear from anyone else. Don't worry if she seems a little upset, we have all learned on here that you can be upset for yourself and a little jealous whilst still being completely happy for the friend who found it easier. Our problems are our own, and whilst sensitivity is appreciated, you are not expected to remain childless just to please us...

AFM, we've accepted an offer on the house! A little below what we originally wanted, but they came up to a price we can be very pleased with. So now onto looking at new houses (my favourite part!). Also, the nurses got back to me and I'm now officially on the pill. Hmmmm, weird. It's to get my period in the right place, and we're looking all good for egg collection in the first week of the summer holidays. So that is brill. And it should be all over in time that we can book a last minute consolation holiday if it doesn't work before term time. Nicely timed, clinic!

I can't believe how much has happened today!

liloandstitch

WOW Jibs, that is fantastic!

I second what you have said re telling someone - A few years ago, we were invited out for a meal. When we got there, we found out that it was actually their wedding reception - they had gone off on their own and got married. They then dropped the bombshell that she was 5 months preg. They knew I had been trying quite a while, and I found it quite insensitive to have been told in that way in front of about 12 friends, with nowhere to hide. I was really really pleased for them - it wasnt their fault that I was having probs, but I would have expected her to tell me privately before announcing it like that - just the day before or whatever would have been fine just so that I could cope with it in private - we were good friends.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. By the way QQuaver, can you pm me what dose of soya isoflavones you took and when in your cycle - I bought some today from Holland and barrett and Im not sure what I am doing - that is if you are not still enjoying your hot flush!!!!! Lilo

QQuaver

Chakani, I don't know how I feel, I haven't been in that situation yet. But good on you for being considerate:T

jiblets, congratulations on your house and IVF! You wait for a bus, then all come in at the same time! Have you found a house for you yet?

liloandstitch, I took 120mg/night at 10pm for 5 days CD3-7.
Am going to avoid soya products for the rest of this cycle just in case.
They say soy sauce is OK though.

You can take it in any days between 2-6 to 5-9. Later will give you better eggs while earlier will give you more eggs. I'd have liked to have done 5-9, but I had 2 days of spotting/temp drop prior to AF, so wasn't sure if CD3 could be CD5 as well.

Have you taken Clomid? If you have, and if you know the dosage that worked for you, you should take double that of Soy since it is half the strength (if you took 50mg Clomid, then take 100mg Soy for the same effect).

Good luck:)

nichart20

Hello ladies im back, I put myself in hiding from everyone and everyone thinking that was the best way to deal with the IVF for some very strange reason but it wasn't and I hope you don't mind if I come back to join you.

I am on day 9 of stimms had a scan 2 days ago and all is not good I should have had 10-12 good follies I have 3 good 2 not so good and I have another scan monday to see if they have grown and it maybe cancelled to start all over again with a higher dose of drugs

jiblets1 - I am so exited you are starting I have picked up a few tips since starting you might have already read all this but I have been drinking 2l water and 1l organic milk each day eating at least 65g protien, including brazil nuts they are supposed to very good and supposed to help with implantation so have been eating 5 a day and would have done the full way through if I get to egg transfere. A hot water bottle or heated wheat bag is supposed to help the follies grow but only up to egg collection and I think thats it and I wish you all the luck in the world x x

Chakani - congratulations with telling your friend i would find out if she has started if she has not started yet I would tell her but if she is mid way I would not tell her just yet. I just found out on my first day of my stimms injections my sil is pregnant and it just felt like the worst timing ever, hopefully she is mid way and you can share good news together after x x

ginvzt - you have done fab with the weight loss hope you get the referal x x

Lilo - so pleased to hear about the referal to st barts x x

hello to everyone else too, feels good to be back missed you all x x

ginvzt

nichart20 wrote: »

Hello ladies im back, I put myself in hiding from everyone and everyone thinking that was the best way to deal with the IVF for some very strange reason but it wasn't and I hope you don't mind if I come back to join you.

I am on day 9 of stimms had a scan 2 days ago and all is not good I should have had 10-12 good follies I have 3 good 2 not so good and I have another scan monday to see if they have grown and it maybe cancelled to start all over again with a higher dose of drugs

ginvzt - you have done fab with the weight loss hope you get the referal x x

Nichart - welcome back. Please, stick around and share your journey with us. I, for one, yould love to hear it all - good days and bad days, good news and not so good. I hope Monday's scan will show better results and you won't need to cancel the cycle. It is stressful, and come and vent any time.

Oh well, I will even make you a 'diet' cake! (not as bad as it sounds - we had lovely weight watchers chocolate brownies the other day...)

We went for a lovely walk in Lake District today and I could feel that my fitness level really improved. It was about 7.5-8km, ad I am fine. Yes, my legs are a bit tired, but not bad at all and I could go for another walk tonight. There is still a bit to go in 'weight department', but I still have a couple of days! The only thing to spoil the evening a bit, I found a tick when we got home and was just about to go in the shower. My brother had Lyme disease twice, and one of them was suspected to be encephalitis as well, so I am well aware of the risks.

Oh, and jiblets - congratulations on the house!!!! I have just seen that the house on the main road came up for sale - it is a beautiful late 19th century stone house, with a decent garden, would probably need a lot of work. It is just within our budget, but 1 bedroom less that we would ideally like (3 instead of 4), but I guess OH won't go for it (I thinkk he is scared of all the work). My guess - it will be snatched by a developer and they will put another house on the plot. Pity...

Nicki

nichart20 wrote: »

I am on day 9 of stimms had a scan 2 days ago and all is not good I should have had 10-12 good follies I have 3 good 2 not so good and I have another scan monday to see if they have grown and it maybe cancelled to start all over again with a higher dose of drugs

Hi nichart. I'm not sure if this is an option for you, but something similar happened to me with my first attempt at IVF. As there weren't going to be enough eggs to collect, the doctors suggested that they convert the treatment into an IUI instead, and I took the trigger injection and had IUI (with OH's swimmers being treated so only the best ones were used). We still to this day call DS our "failed IVF".

If this isn't something you can do, then my best wishes with your next cycle.

Nicki