The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

MrsDavo

littleme82 wrote: »

Hi Pinkpot and Mrs Davo

I am really surprised too that I have just got to take 50mg of Clomid for 3 cycles and "see" if it works. From what I have read most ladies on here have scans and bloodtests etc. From what I can see it may be that these 3 attempts are futile and I have therefore wasted half of the 6 recommended cycles of Clomid.

I am going to phone my doctor and asked if I can take 100mg for my 3rd cycle but not sure what she will say when they do not even know if I am ov or not.

I've not had any real symptoms from taking it so DP is pretty lucky I guess.

I do not (well I havent been told) have PCOS. My cycles are pretty much 28 days.

Saying that, the first cycle of clomid last month I had the darkest OPK I have ever seen. AF arrived 2 weeks later.

This month I have been doing OPK since CD9 (now CD17) and still no + OPK. I did have lots of ewcm last week which I never usually have but the second line on the test just was either not there or light so a negative.

So I dont know if I have ov or not. It all seems to have gone creamy now.... sorry if TMI.

So for the first month I would say that clomid did not affect my cycle length. Will know more about this cycle in a couple of weeks I guess.

Pickle - hope your other half is tolerant! and you get your sticky this month.

Good luck this month ladies x

Hi Littlemiss

Why aren't they checking that clomid is working for you? That seems a very strange way of dishing it out?

Just because someone doesn't get pregnant on it doesn't mean it didn't "work" as you know, so it seems weird why they would let you take it without any checks?

Good Luck this month hun and I do hope it works for you. xx

littleme82

Hi Mrs Davo apparently this is the way my FS now deals with this part of TTC. He told my doctor he wants no bloods or scans for the first 3 cycles. It's really frustrating me as it could so easily be sorted. I could just be wasting 3 cycles. We're about to start cycle 13.

Hugs Tea. Really thinking of you xx

time2deal

Hugs Tea. So hard to read I'm sure.

The FS the other day was saying that my 9 embryos could result in just one, or even no viable embryos after 5 days, and even then I felt a bit sad for them! So I can imagine the two little embies that you had inside are very real, and its painful to see talked about in such clinical terms.

frozenpenguin

Hi,

Can I join your list please? I've been lurking for about 6 months, thought it was about time to show myself (so to speak)

Our history: Me 30, DH 35, TTC#1 since Dec 2011. Me: mild PCOS, irregular cycles and irregular ovulation. DH: low SA in all 3 areas (count, morphology and motility) and a varicocele. Currently on our fourth cycle of Clomid with the next step being IVF at the end of the year.

Thank you time2deal for compiling the list.

mrshappy

Tea-hope you are feeling a bit better, this is all such hard work, and having things spelt out clinically always seems really cold.
Hope everyone is doing okay just now. We had an appointment last week and it's looking good with this egg donor, so waiting for some more blood results etc and hopefully will get moving soon
I'll pop back on later to do a wee history for the list.

fluffnutter

tea_lover wrote: »

Got home to a letter from the hospital... so the bad mood looks to be here to stay for the evening.

It's a copy of a letter sent to my GP, outlining what was discussed in our last appt. So there's nothing in there that we haven't already heard, but it just seems worse now I've seen it written down. It really hammers home just how bad the SA results have been, eg "on the day of egg collection there were no normal looking sperms", etc.

It also says that our 2 blasts (which were transferred) were of suboptimum quality. Now obviously I already knew this but for some reason that part has really floored me. However early it ended I was pg, and they felt like my children, and to see things like that written down is just weird.

We've got the DNA fragmentation test on Thursday and I'm now thinking it's a terrible idea. The results will be awful - all of the SA results are awful, if anything they're getting worse. Why are we paying £450 to have yet more bad news thrown at us?

It just doesn't seem like there's much point trying another ICSI cycle. But that's our last option, so then what? Just accept it's never going to happen?

I know this is a horrible, horrible thing to even think, I know it's not rational and I know it's terribly unfair but part of me is starting to be really angry at OH about this. Which clearly means I'm just an utter cowbag. He's done some sh*tty things in his time but he's clearly not b*ggered up his sperm on purpose just to annoy me.

I also know that we won't be able to have a sensible conversation about this as he'll just go in a strop and sulk about it. He'll say it's clealy all his fault, that there's no point trying anything else and refuse to have a grown-up, calm conversation about our options.

Hence the enormous rambling post.... sorry, don't even know what I'm trying to achieve. I just feel so rubbish about it all, and have a horrible sense of panic that this really is the end of the road.

It's not the end of the road if you don't want it to be. I faced the realisation that my genes simply weren't up to it, hence we ended up with an egg donor. It's not the same situation by any means and I know you're finding it very difficult to talk to your OH about this, but you could spend some time yourself thinking about whether sperm donation is a possibility. Obviously, that's only a tiny part of it... got to convince your OH. Alternatively, you could even look at embryo donation. But please don't write your journey off yet.

Primmer

Tea - sending huge hugs. After my unsuccessful ivf I met with the doctor and found it positive but the letter confirming what we had discussed made me so upset as it is clinical and it too stated that my embryos including the two I had put in were of poor quality and that is hard to read. It is such a difficult process to go through when it is unsuccessful, give yourself time. X

pinkteapot

CD15 in the Big Brother uterus. Third internal scan in the space of a week! Today I got chatty scanner asking me lots of inane questions. Is it wrong to not be in the mood for small talk when it’s 8am and you’ve got your legs splayed in front of a stranger?

False alarm on Friday. They thought I had ovulated the day before because they saw some fluid, although they did say that the follicle didn’t look as big as it should have. Went back today and the follicle has grown and they saw something or other next to the follicle which means it hasn’t released the egg yet. Based on the follicle size they think it’ll be soon, so I have to back yet again on Friday to see if it’s happened.

My cycle is regular but short (24-25 days) so I should ov around day 10-11, so it looks like I ov later in my cycle than average. Although it’s the first month on Clomid which can apparently lengthen the cycle so I won’t know until CD1 if it has or not.

Feeling glum that it didn’t happen when they thought it did. We DTD at the weekend and I know I shouldn’t but I got a bit excited that it might have worked.

Huge, huge hugs to you tea lover. My DH has some medical conditions (not related to fertility) and whenever we get letters that are cc’ed to us from his specialist to our GP, I find them upsetting. It’s seeing it in black and white and, as others have said, written in such a clinical way.

time2deal

frozenpenguin wrote: »

Hi,

Can I join your list please? I've been lurking for about 6 months, thought it was about time to show myself (so to speak)

Thank you time2deal for compiling the list.

Added - and welcome! Have you been posting on the TTC thread? Apologies if so, but I don't recall your name. It's fun to have someone totally new on this thread!

pinkteapot wrote: »

CD15 in the Big Brother uterus. Third internal scan in the space of a week! Today I got chatty scanner asking me lots of inane questions. Is it wrong to not be in the mood for small talk when it’s 8am and you’ve got your legs splayed in front of a stranger?

False alarm on Friday. They thought I had ovulated the day before because they saw some fluid, although they did say that the follicle didn’t look as big as it should have. Went back today and the follicle has grown and they saw something or other next to the follicle which means it hasn’t released the egg yet. Based on the follicle size they think it’ll be soon, so I have to back yet again on Friday to see if it’s happened.

My cycle is regular but short (24-25 days) so I should ov around day 10-11, so it looks like I ov later in my cycle than average. Although it’s the first month on Clomid which can apparently lengthen the cycle so I won’t know until CD1 if it has or not.

Feeling glum that it didn’t happen when they thought it did. We DTD at the weekend and I know I shouldn’t but I got a bit excited that it might have worked.

Huge, huge hugs to you tea lover. My DH has some medical conditions (not related to fertility) and whenever we get letters that are cc’ed to us from his specialist to our GP, I find them upsetting. It’s seeing it in black and white and, as others have said, written in such a clinical way.

It's annoying to have so many scans, but I think it's great to get a real insight into how your body works. I'm doing a monitored cycle now, and will definitely be making DH DTD on time if I know for sure I am ovulating! I have conceive plus at the ready...

My second scan (CD7) is tomorrow. The problem these days for me is how incredibly painful the dildocam is, so there is no small talk as I am focussed on trying to relax and breathe through the pain. Just one of the more depressing post-op issues.

picklekin

Can I join too please? Thanks for doing the lists T2D.

TTC since July 2012, no problems found on either side. Have had bloods, HSG and SA. On 4th cycle of Clomid, even though I was seen to ovulate it without it. Both myself and DH 35.

This month I feel like giving up, wondering at what point I start thinking this just isn't going to happen for me and focus on something else, its all so draining...