MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Napoleon wait till after the holiday to ditch Josephine?

MSE_Jenny MSE Staff Posts: 1,311
Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
MSE Staff
edited 14 July 2009 at 9:36PM in MoneySaving polls
Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:

Napoleon’s decided to break up with girlfriend Josephine. Yet the couple have an expensive holiday to the Maldives booked for two week’s time. If he tells Josephine it’s over now, it would mean losing £900, as he would never go away with an ex. They’re not quarrelling, Napoleon’s just decided he wants to be single again. Should Napoleon dump her now, or keep up the act until they get back?
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  • Gavin83
    Gavin83 Forumite Posts: 8,573
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I've actually been in this exact situation. I made the decision to remain together until after the holiday because frankly I wanted to go away and I didn't want her to try and argue that I'd have to pay her back the money she'd spent on the holiday.
  • ThinkingOfLinking
    ThinkingOfLinking Forumite Posts: 11,828
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    From his point of view: He'd be giving her a good last memory of their relationship. I also couldn't, if I were in his position, stomach the pretence of being there with someone I don't want to be with, for that period, pretending everything's fine, although I would try and work on our friendship in that time to make a possible transition to being friends (if that's what he wants afterwards, seeing as they seem to get on ok).

    From her point of view: She'd be very confused, being dumped after a week or 2 in paradise. I'd feel the holiday had been a lie and a pretence and I'd be angry and realise it was about the money. I'd rather he'd dumped me, and we could have either gone as friends or gone together, but asked to upgrade to separate rooms upon reaching the hotel and spend the duration of our break, apart.
  • scotsbob
    scotsbob Forumite Posts: 4,632 Forumite
    It's a no brainer. Go on holiday, he's bound to get lucky in the Maldives and he won't be out of pocket.
  • aloiseb
    aloiseb Forumite Posts: 701
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Is he seriously planning to have the holiday of a lifetime with a girl he's going to ditch the minute he gets home? What a rat! He doesn't deserve even to have had £900 in the first place - how did he come by it? Schmoozing rich widows, perhaps?

    Has he thought at all of how she will feel about this? After he's strung her along for a fortnight (always supposing he doesn't blow it with a fit of honesty, some evening on a moonlit terrace :eek: ) she's just going to hate herself, more even than she's going to hate him, for having enjoyed the holiday at the time, then finding out it was all a lie.

    People like that make me REALLY mad :mad: ......*?:""*****
  • RuthnJasper
    RuthnJasper Forumite Posts: 4,032
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    edited 15 July 2009 at 12:15AM
    Wow! My first ever post here!

    OK - I agree with the first paragraph posted by Flickering Ember - go out with a bang and a smile. Have a wonderful time, enjoy the weather, the beach and the holiday and then let her down as kindly as possible afterwards.

    Possibly mean - but he need not tell the girl that he was thinking of breaking-up before the holiday. A small white lie (but that's a whole other moral issue) AFTER the holiday would be the kindest thing to do.

    In any case, "Napoleon" doesn't know what's going through "Josephine"'s mind - maybe she's thinking about ending it too. This is not what I'd always advise in similar (non-financial) situations, but the holiday is paid for, unlikely to be refunded by the travel company/the soon-to-be ex-girlfriend on such grounds, so it is there to be enjoyed. Whether our diminutive and ultimately-unsuccessful French dictator is concerned, he should take the holiday. Financially sound - and he might even enjoy himself.

    Roo x
  • Kirri
    Kirri Forumite Posts: 6,183
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Tell her before they go - someone did it to me, about an hour after we got home from holiday and I found out later he'd planned to move away before we'd gone - let alone the fact I had to put up with a moody, selfish bloke on holiday who barely spoke to me on the journey home, not knowing what was wrong, it was horrible going into work the next day with everyone asking how my holiday went and I didn't even want to talk about it and I couldn't stand looking at the photos. I'd have rather gone on my own. People should just be honest.
  • zzzLazyDaisy
    zzzLazyDaisy Forumite Posts: 12,497
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I hadn't definitely decided to end the relationship, but I was having serious doubts. But the holiday was booked and paid for, so I went ahead with it anyway. In fact the holiday wasn't too bad, considering, but it confirmed my doubts and I ended the relationship a couple of weeks after we got back.
    I'm a retired employment solicitor. Hopefully some of my comments might be useful, but they are only my opinion and not intended as legal advice.
  • Sopheline
    Sopheline Forumite Posts: 12 Forumite
    My housemate was in this situation, except that they've now come back from the holiday (it was with a group of friends) and she's the one doing the splitting up. They've been fairly on-off already, so I'm not sure how successful she'll be at breaking up with him.
  • dopolous
    dopolous Forumite Posts: 23 Forumite
    I think he should tell her, and see if he can get a mate to go with him at a discounted rate, or is she wants seperate rooms when you get out there, although I do not think that would work.
  • chrissie55
    chrissie55 Forumite Posts: 102 Forumite
    Tell her & have done with it! If he can afford £900- for a hol, **** his luck! They might still salvage the hol as singles anyway.
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