MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Napoleon wait till after the holiday to ditch Josephine?

Torkijo

Split up, give her the option of going alone, or if its amicable see if can get seperate rooms, or try & see if your insurance will stump up for these 'unforeseen' circumstances.

But defiantely split up - your not going to enjoy it if you know your hiding a secret like that!

MadeInTheDark

If he's having cold feet about the relationship he should have the balls to come out and say so.

A lot of people suggest that a friend or somebody could take the place on the holiday, yeah that may seem like a good idea on the surface. Although I don't think airlines allow tickets to be used by anyone other than the person named on them. Security is strict now. I doubt there'd be time to have the names changed, if that would even be allowed at all....

hollymolly_2

Hideous situation but there is only one "good" way to deal with it:

He should end the relationship IMMEDIATELY if this is what he has decided to do. The worst that can happen is that he loses the money but in the long term £900 is easier to live without than his decency as a human being. If the worst DOES happen, he could look back in 5 years and £900 would be a distant memory but he can feel guilty (and she can despise his cowardice) for a lot LOT longer.

The best that can happen is that she respects his honest and they decide to go, and i'm sure they would both have a much better time knowing where they stand.

Tulgey_Wood

I'm all for saving money, but once you spend your integrity as a decent human being there's no refund available. He should tell her before they go. If they can still go as friends, that's great; if not, then he may lose the money he's spent, but his integrity will remain intact, and that's priceless.
If his integrity holds no value to him, then the issue of "moral dilemma" would not be an issue at all.

shazrobo

Kirri wrote: »

Tell her before they go - someone did it to me, about an hour after we got home from holiday and I found out later he'd planned to move away before we'd gone - let alone the fact I had to put up with a moody, selfish bloke on holiday who barely spoke to me on the journey home, not knowing what was wrong, it was horrible going into work the next day with everyone asking how my holiday went and I didn't even want to talk about it and I couldn't stand looking at the photos. I'd have rather gone on my own. People should just be honest.

this happened to me with an ex, he dropped me off at my house after the holiday, never said anything about a break up, tho i knew somet was wrong, but he was moody etc anyway.
the first i knew was unpacking, and at teh bottom of my case was my spare house key that i had given him

Stampede_2

Several points to consider, and perhaps above all being honest to the other person and to oneself.

I couldn't, and doubt that anyone can hide their true feelings and emotions in such a situation so embarking upon the holiday is likely to lead to upset. Imagine what it would be like when during the holiday the true situation and deception emerged, as it inevitably would, and the two people were being forced to exist along side each other. Imagine them searching for an instant flight home, looking for another, individual, hotel room, not dining together, etc. etc.

I would feel horrible used and disgusted if some one carried out that sort of deception and dishonesty upon me, lets be blunt, how could some one indulge in the intimacies of such a holiday knowing that it was all a lie. If I was on the receiving end I suspect I would feel even angrier than I would be at being let down so close to, and before the holiday.

The whole concept of inherent dishonesty in the dilemma is just alien to me .. enough said I think.

:j totally debt free, just every day bills and money in the bank for, as my late Mum put it, when the roof needs fixing

Glosjools_2

She would, so why shouldn't he????

Kirri

shazrobo wrote: »

this happened to me with an ex, he dropped me off at my house after the holiday, never said anything about a break up, tho i knew somet was wrong, but he was moody etc anyway.
the first i knew was unpacking, and at teh bottom of my case was my spare house key that i had given him

That's awful, must have been an even bigger shock than I had - people can be so spineless.

Also what someone else mentioned above, yes my ex still slept with me on holiday, the !!!!!!! In between his mood swings that is. Plus, on a money saving theme, I had given him a 70 mile lift back from the airport - I was so angry as I would have left him there to pay his own way if he'd told me in advance :mad:

Hopefully I'll go back to that country one day with someone else and have good memories of the place.

Taffybiker

If Napoleon was undecided about his relationship with Josephine, then I would say take the holiday. A different environment and a relaxed atmosphere can work wonders with relationships.
But since he is determined to split, then he should do it now. Assuming he still goes, he can offer her the chance to accompany him on the holiday if she wishes. Chances are she will refuse, but if she does go then at least both parties will be aware of the facts and can enjoy the break in whatever manner seems fitting.

As for losing the £900, is he really so evil as to devastate someone by keeping quiet for the sake of money? If so then she is better off without him anyway.

Mozette

Speaking from the point of view as the "dumpee" definitely do the holiday first. But Napoleon, !!!!!! don't tell Jo 4 days into the holiday. At least put on an act eh?!