MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Napoleon wait till after the holiday to ditch Josephine?

tallgirld

He should just tell her straight then maybe they could still go but as friends rather than lovers. I tell you what if a guy done that to me and I found out i'd smack him right in the mouth cos he's taking the mick!!!

wildthing01

i had a sort of similar situation many years ago - i was due to go and visit my long distance boyfriend who lived abroad (over the xmas period). i had decided i wasn't happy in the relationship, and then had to debate re whether to go anyway and pretend it was all fine (ie not spoil his xmas), go and tell him it was over once there (and risk being stuck abroad with him, in his house, with no way to get home for a few days) or tell him before hand, and not go at all (and lose the money i'd spent on the ticket). i decided that i couldn't stomach the first two options, and neither woudl have been particulalry fair on him in the long run, so i told him before hand and just accepted that i'd lose my ticket money. the peace of mind was far more important than the money lost.

beachboy1952

There is no doubt - honesty is the best policy! The whole holiday would have been a sham - Napoloeon could never have acted normally and the cat would have been out of the bag in no time as women pick up vibes far better than men. It happened with me - the thought of a fortnight of rumpy-pumpy with someone I didn't care enough for made my decision not to go very easy. I now have my very own Josephine and life is great! :j

durster2006

go on holiday.. get his end away... come back and dump her.... no questions.

sand_2

Well, maybe he should just forget about splitting up before the holiday...he may feel totally different when he's away...and if he feels like this now, he will have nothing to loose anyway at the end of it, if it doesn't work out anyway. He may have more to gain. At least he would have really put his feelings to the test, and who knows...... he may actually experience some self realisation, and the whole thing could just turn around and their relationship could go on to a totally different level. Sounds like he needs to do a bit of growing up!

spudz_2

I think he should be up front with her and tell her how he feels. If they get on okay then maybe because he's been honest with her she will be willing to still go on the holiday but as friends. After all who wants to pass up a holiday to the Maldives!:rotfl:

beeuuem

Some years ago i was living amd working in Africa. During a 6 month leave in UK I met a girl who said she loved me.

I invited her to spend Xmas and New year in Africa, at no expense for her, safaris, beaches and sightseeing. She stepped off the 'plane and said 'I shouldn't have come.' I offered to pay for her immediate return if she wasn't happy but she insisted on staying because of what her friends would say if she returned so soon.
Thus started for the most miserable month of my life.

willow_loulou

I am in a similar situation, I have been depressed and unwell for the last few months and I have pushed my over protective partner further and further away, I have been mulling over breaking up with him but just dont know how. He booked us a holiday a few days ago- only a few days in the uk - without really discussing it with me.
Trouble is its a birthday gift for me ,I have tried being honest and open with him but its not sinking in that I need him to back off, I feel smothered and the thought of time with just him fills me with dread, how can i tell him I dont want to go with him??I think maybe i should go and try and work at it a bit more than I have been

dbfisokay

Decisions are not actions and until Napleon instigates action the couple are just that- a couple. The question is; What kind of a couple are they?

From the information given, they are a couple in which one partner is unaware of the other partner's decision to dissolve the 'coupling' hence they are a couple probably about to split (the holiday might result in a reversal of decison -you never know what can happen in sultry atmospheres) but that probability is clearly linked to Napoleon's decision i.e. Is it a firm one, fully intended to be acted upon?

If it is, then not telling Josephine is to detriment her. There is an intuitive cruelty in letting the holiday go ahead fully aware that it is motivated by financial benefit to one partner rather than of relational benefit to both. If it is not firm and not fully intended to be acted upon , then arguably the holiday is permissable, however the decison itself still stands as an intuitive cruelty to Josephine.

Not allowing her to participate in the decison making process is to imply lack of relevance to that process and this is intuitively wrong - In a couple both parties have relevance. So Josephine is again being detrimented. This double detriment clearly implies a growing argument that Naploeon at least inform Josephine of the decision. This in turn suggests a probable answer to the initial question i.e. Yes, he should tell her now.

It is difficult to conceive how a monetary value of £900 supersedes a human right to be informed about decisions directly affecting one's future but as it seems to factor in Napoleon's thoughts then perhaps the suggested answer is unlikely to be the one he'd implement. The basic conflict here is Money Versus Humanity. It'll be interesting to see how many of us responding to this dilemma fall into each category. :exclamati

HeadAboveWater

2 years ago. Same situation. Boyf' wanted to take me to Australia with all his family to visit his brother. No way had I that sort of money so he paid for my ticket. Just over £900. Leading up to the holiday I knew we weren't going to last. Asked him to cancel my ticket but he put the guilt trip on me so I went.

It should've been the holiday of a lifetime but it wasn't. I hated it. I've no good memories of that holiday other than its a beautiful country. That's it.

Took me another 4 months after we got back for me to get up the courage to break up with him...

...then he asks for his money back.

Be up front with the girl/guy about the relationship. Don't put yourself or the other person through it. I've hated myself for letting him have that control over me and putting me into even more debt (which I'm still trying to pay for)

Bottom line : it's not worth it.