A fresh start

NorthernLas

Is there a way that OH can get some exercise and fresh air each day? When I have felt low, I have wanted to hide away and doing nothing makes me even less active. Getting out and moving at least would get some endorphins moving around his system.

chevalier

My anti depressants didn't make me drowsy during the day. BUT i HAD to sleep at least 7 hours a night to ensure this. If I had a late night, then I would need gallons of caffeine to cope with getting the kids to school etc. So you have to retrain yourself to go to bed earlier. One of the side effects of the depression was insomnia or a brain that couldn't switch off, so I got out of the habit of going to bed early. Perhaps this is something that your OH needs to address? Agree with others about regular exercise. There are papers and everything written up about how people with depression can help themselves by exercising as much as possible. I put my final recovery down to swimming 5 times a week. And even though illness and a hurt shoulder stopped me for a time, because my activity levels were higher anyway, it meant that I started to do the walking school bus 3 times a week to compensate. It is REALLY hard to start exercising when you have depression, you really have to push yourself to do it. But the feeling afterwards is fab.

Even if you can't book an appt now for the drs, then can you get one set up for when you are off over xmas. Then it is booked in and your OH will know etc.

Well done for having a sofa chat. Can be hard to do sometimes.
chev

Seaxwyn

Thanks all for the helpful info and comments. Exercise and daylight are an important part of the mix, OH certainly feels better since he started doing a paper round. Tomorrow is his appointment with the employment service, so hope that is useful. He does seem to be making a bit more effort since the sofa talk.

I had a talk with my boss about my intentions. He wants me to stay full-time and whilst I am not enthusiastic about the prospect I realise I have to do this. There is some room to negotiate about what I actually do and I may be able to argue for a little bit more money by taking on certain tasks. It's not at all what I want to do with my life, and means continued commuting and minimal involvement in the children's weekday lives, but I realise I just have to earn the most reliable income I can. I am learning a lot in this job and perhaps one day can get a high-up job in some organisation that is more in line with my own interests.

It feels grown-up accepting this, so far in my life I have avoided doing any job I didn't want to do, and I can console myself by thinking I was around for my children's younger years, I'm just paying for that now.

On cheerier topics, I just went on Amazon to buy a Christmas present and ended up making a profit! DD2 gave me the money to pay for some purchases for her. When I got to the check-out there was a message saying 'ten pounds off if you take out our credit card now' - a quick application and I was accepted! So I got my own book for free, some change from DD's money (she was fine with this as she was going to buy them anyway), and yet another credit card, with a £3400 limit! Not that I will spend anything on it, I never do. It will just join the army of unused plastic sitting in my drawer.

taxi73

you're sounding a lot more positive and perhaps DH will get some use from the job centre

dfw844

I'm glad that Chev's talking to has really made you think things through. I hope the doctor can be of some help to OH.

As you seem to have understood, from what you were posting it did appear that he was lazy and ungrateful. If Chev's post has made you realise that this is not the case and that instead he has big problems that you have been avoiding addressing, then I think it has done what it was intended to do.

However, I do think you and your OH both live in a bit of a dream world. You've never done a job you didn't want to do? I'm only 28 and with the exception of a couple I don't think I've ever done a job I -did- want to do!

Sea78

dfw844 wrote: »

However, I do think you and your OH both live in a bit of a dream world. You've never done a job you didn't want to do? I'm only 28 and with the exception of a couple I don't think I've ever done a job I -did- want to do!

I think that this is really unfortunate - all the jobs I've ever done have been jobs I wanted to do, at that particular time in my life, be it working in Spar, an office or teaching. I'm 31. xxx

Karmacat

Seaxwyn's got to her age and managed to only do jobs she wants to do - more power to her elbow, thats brilliant! Jobs have disadvantages, sure, but life is really too short to simply ignore whether you like something or not, on a deep level.

Seaxwyn

Thanks everyone. dfw844 I'm sorry to hear you haven't liked most of your jobs and wish you better luck in future. I feel very lucky that I have always done work that I have really cared about. Even if that has sometimes blurred the boundaries between work and non-work.

OH had his appointment at the Employment Support place today. The adviser said he should be getting a benefit called ESA and they are going to help him apply. I think this is a bit dubious as he has actually been applying for jobs. So surely if he gets a benefit it should be Jobseeker's Allowance - and he has applied for that in the past and not got it because of my earnings. Well if he gets any income that would be a help but what he needs is help getting a job, not collusion in seeing himself as 'unemployable'.

taxi73

if he's ill like you say he is then he needs to apply for ESA but he'll not get that either.there are two types...contribution based esa..where your income is not taken into account but from what I've read of his work history he won't have paid enough contributions.
the secone one is income based esa and he won't qualify for that either as the family income is taken into account and you earn too much.

these will be the same reason he didn't get either of the two jobseekers allowance as well.

I really do feel for you and like you say it's help getting a job that he needs but theres only him that can get the motivation to do it himself nobody can do it for him.

taxi73

sorry didn't mean to sound harsh xx