A fresh start

Seaxwyn

New year, let's hope it's a happy one.

My debt today is £19,312.69. That's a reduction of £7,299.85 in 2011, or just over 600 a month. Not too bad.

More depressing is that £1,387.65 of the total is 'new' debt - not the long-term, low-interest debts I have been paying off all these years. And a comparison with my 1 Jan 2007 debt shows that the £30k drop is almost all loan payments. Putting loan payments aside, I have only reduced my debt by £580 in all those years. And of course the mortgage has not been reducing at all.

I don't feel great about all this, and fear that this year is going to be tough as I have given up my job (don't regret it - it wasn't going well) so need to find freelance work to cover my large outgoings. So far I'm secure for two months. That doesn't feel like much.

Meanwhile lots of horrible emotional stuff going on which I won't write about here, but I don't think I've ever felt so gloomy on January 1st before.

Happy new year!

lucielle

Happy New Year Seaxwyn and also sending loads of (((()))) and strong healing vibes through the ether.
L

kissjenn

All the very best for 2012...I hope you find the path that works for you xxx

millionaire_in_training

Sea chin up. Everything will work out in the end. Just do what you feel is best for you and the kids. I've walked in your shoes so I know how mind numbingly miserable it can make you. I've been reading a self help book recently and the guy goes on and on about thoughts. His philosophy is that our thoughts are just stories we are making up in our head and the effect on our mood etc is huge so if you find your mind wandering into the 'what if' then try and stop it and just deal with what is actually happening because the 'waht if' of our thoughts is usually much worse than reality. I hope that makes sense but if not then the book is by ally campbell. It's a bit twee at times but good for making you think logically xx. All the best

Seaxwyn

Thanks M-i-T. What is the name of the book? It's true that thoughts can drag you down. I have been feeling really gloomy all morning. I just made myself count my blessings and they are many. I've just never been good at making decisions and I have a really hard one to make now - and perhaps what is best for me personally is not best for the kids.

ANYWAY, I have just done lots of calculations and decided to buy a two-month season ticket today at last year's prices rather than wait til I actually travel on Tues. I think it's the right decision, but will be gutted to add £472.40 to my 'new' credit card debt.

millionaire_in_training

its called 'just get on with it' funnily enough. I remember clearly the soul searching I was doing when I wanted to split with ex. I tried and tried to make things work. I tried everything because I had the kids. In the end up he had an affair which made my mind up for me as I just couldn't thole that. It has been the best thing for me in the long run but OMG the thoughts that I used to torture myself with were crippling. II used to imagine them doing all sorts and having a fine old time when in reality they were probably watching Corrie on the telly. I wish I had read that book back then as it may have given me some perspective. Forget about the season ticket. It's the right thing to do so dont fret over it. Wish I could give you a hug and a blether over a cuppa as I reckon you need it just now. Have you got a good mate you can call and go get a good old blether with?

lionheartedgirl

Hi Seaxwyn,

just popping out of lurkdom again because I read Just Get On With It last year as well and it had a huge impact. It's one of the least fluffy self help books I've ever read. I can heartily recommend it - the thing I took from it is that when you are following your heart and really doing what you truly feel is right for you, things happen along the way to help you along. I didn't do all the exercises in each chapter but still found it very useful.

I know you will find your way through the current gloom, some tough decisions have been made or are to be made by the sounds of it. Good luck and I hope 2012 helps you get where you want to be. It's not an easy time I know, but you will get there

Happy New Year (even if it doesn't feel very happy now) x

Seaxwyn

Thanks both! I got a book token for Christmas so this sounds like the ideal investment. I really am paralysed by indecision so if anything can make me Just Get On With It, it is worthwhile!

hypno06

Here's to 2012 being a year of moving forward xxx

Wordsmith

Seaxwyn wrote: »

perhaps what is best for me personally is not best for the kids.

If a situation is right, it is right for everyone involved, even if they can't see it straight away. If you feel it is right for you, trust that it is right for your OH and it is right for your children. If you know it is not right, but stick with it anyway, then all the time it is not right for you, it is not right for them either. [It makes sense in my head; I'm not sure about written down!]

Good luck with 2012. It's a tough start to it for you, but you are doing all the right things to knock the year into shape and hopefully in a few months things will seem brighter and the way will become clearer.