Partner moving in and DLA or not?

alwaysonthego_2

Breast_Cancer_Survivor wrote: »

Personally myself I think if you have been with someone for say 12 months thats kind of stable & I would think about letting them move in but everyone is different.

I know some single mums maybe do commit fraud but the majority of us are honest & hardworking and only in this situation through circumstances out of our control.

Ive worked all my life until my husband & I split which coincidentally is when my mental health deteriated to the degree that I was unablle to phyically leave the house let alone go to work.

I do not think that is a good time indicator as some people get into serious relationships very quickly.

Nobody is not saying that single parents should not have relationships but once it crosses the line of being classed as partners rather than casual gf/bf then why should the state carry on supporting them as single parents.

krisskross

mandij30 wrote: »

How very insulting Krisskross

Not all of us single parents chose to be that way, Its our partners that left us, causing us to be single parents.

I was married to my childrens dad for 14 yrs, and in all that time working full time and not claiming anything ( even though I would of been entitled to some help) Then My husband left me with 2 kids and not paying anything towards them. So of course now I only claim what I am entitled to, I don't abuse the system and I want to set a positive role model to my kids that mummy doesnt sit at home all day on benefits.

However I do have to agree with Breast cancer survivor over the last few yrs immigration is becomming a problem, I see it first hand being in the Public sector, I don't begrudge anyone fleeing from genuine persecution in their country, but I'd expect them to contribute towards this country.

This country is far too Lenient, and those born here are often put at the back of the queue. Not only the young, but the old also.

And just because we speak out against it we are branded racist or Bnp supporters. Seriously open your eyes to whats going on around you, before you begin criticising others

I did not feel my post was insulting at all. Truthful perhaps but sometimes that hurts.

So why do ablebodied lone parents feel the taxpayer should support them? Why aren't both parents supporting the children they willingly brought into the world? Why do you think it is OK to sit at home on benefits just because you can?

You do realise of course that asylum seeking refugees to this country do not immediately enjoy the sort of benefits you take for granted. Read what asylum seekers can claim and what hoops they have to jump through. you would have to be desperate to go through it.

Just because someone is born here doesn't necessarily mean they have contributed one penny piece but have can been costing 10s of thousands for several years, sometimes decades. A lone parent claiming full benefits for say 10 years will almost certainly have a negative balance in the NI 'pot' for the rest of their lives. Now I don't begrudge you some help when you need it so perhaps you could be a little more charitable towards others who need help even more.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

krisskross wrote: »

This is very naughty. Perhaps we could also say if there weren't so many single parents then there would be enough homes to go round, and the welfare bill would be much less.

IF you and your children were starving or in fear of your lives then wouldn't you be looking for a friendlier place to live? You were fortunate enough to be born in a country that is prepared to support you and your childrens existences to a reasonably comfortable standard, courtesy of the taxpayers without you having to lift a finger. Do not begrudge those so much worse off than yourself.

I actually had some sympathy for you before you started the BNP racist claptrap.

Im not racist at all actually but if you want to go on a witch hunt start with the people claiming benefits & being a drain on the tax payers purse that have not actually contributed financially to that purse.

Picking on single mums who had no desire to be single mums on benefits but are so because of their partners abandoning both them & their children doesn't seem fair.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

krisskross wrote: »

I did not feel my post was insulting at all. Truthful perhaps but sometimes that hurts.

So why do ablebodied lone parents feel the taxpayer should support them? Why aren't both parents supporting the children they willingly brought into the world? Why do you think it is OK to sit at home on benefits just because you can?

You do realise of course that asylum seeking refugees to this country do not immediately enjoy the sort of benefits you take for granted. Read what asylum seekers can claim and what hoops they have to jump through. you would have to be desperate to go through it.

Just because someone is born here doesn't necessarily mean they have contributed one penny piece but have can been costing 10s of thousands for several years, sometimes decades. A lone parent claiming full benefits for say 10 years will almost certainly have a negative balance in the NI 'pot' for the rest of their lives. Now I don't begrudge you some help when you need it so perhaps you could be a little more charitable towards others who need help even more.

But in the cases being discussed the mothers have contributed, im on Incapacity benefit because I have paid full NI contributions.

I also have 2 Autistic children as does the poster delain, you can not just go to work & leave them to their own devices especially when the kids have already lost their dad.

I admit there are alot of single mums out there that left school got pregnant, got given a council house, have never worked & now have 3/4 kids by different absent fathers but we are not talking about them.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

alwaysonthego wrote: »

I do not think that is a good time indicator as some people get into serious relationships very quickly.

Nobody is not saying that single parents should not have relationships but once it crosses the line of being classed as partners rather than casual gf/bf then why should the state carry on supporting them as single parents.

I did say that was my personal opinion & that everyone was different.

A partner is not just a bf/gf they are part of yours & your childrens lives, its a big decision to move from a bf/gf to having someone permanently in your kids lives when the kids involved are Autistic & have problems with relationships.

mandij30

krisskross wrote: »

I did not feel my post was insulting at all. Truthful perhaps but sometimes that hurts.

So why do ablebodied lone parents feel the taxpayer should support them? Why aren't both parents supporting the children they willingly brought into the world? Why do you think it is OK to sit at home on benefits just because you can?

You do realise of course that asylum seeking refugees to this country do not immediately enjoy the sort of benefits you take for granted. Read what asylum seekers can claim and what hoops they have to jump through. you would have to be desperate to go through it.

Just because someone is born here doesn't necessarily mean they have contributed one penny piece but have can been costing 10s of thousands for several years, sometimes decades. A lone parent claiming full benefits for say 10 years will almost certainly have a negative balance in the NI 'pot' for the rest of their lives. Now I don't begrudge you some help when you need it so perhaps you could be a little more charitable towards others who need help even more.

So where in this thread did I say tax payers should be Supporting me ??

I have been working continuously since I left school, and paid into the system. After being abandoned by my husband with 2 children, my salary was no longer enough to cover household expenses and childcare. I continued working ( I didn't take the easy option and leave work and claim Income support ) I just had help with housing benefit and council tax benefit, and my salary topped up with working & child tax credits. I am only claiming what I am entitled to, whilst still working and paying my contributions. So not all Lone parents are lazy and sit at home all day claiming benefits.
Please don't tar us all with the same brush.. I didn't choose to be a single parent, no one would!!!! but I am doing the best I can for my children, on my own.
Why is there so much stigma put on single lone parent mums ??? surely its the absent fathers that should be hounded and made to contribute towards there family that he walked out on. :mad:

mandij30

And it is my wish to eventually move my Bf in, as and when the time is right, and come off all benefits entirely and just go back to working full time, I hate the stigma attached with claiming benefits. However after coming out of a 16 yr relationship I'm not yet ready to jump head first into another serious relationship just yet. 7 months of being with someone is certainly not long enough

duchy

All this talk of "partners"
If someone is your "partner" then it seems reasonable to assume you are a unit of two-and therefore should be assessed as such -but if you are boyfriend and girl friend you don't.

To say "It's not fair I'm penalised because my partner-who stays sometimes but eats most meals here, plays with the kids, helps with the housework, takes me shopping every week, comes on holiday with us etc etc" is classed

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as my partner" just seems a bit unrealistic to me. It's about more than where the bed they sleep in is located.

mandij30

I agree its more then a bed, However if your Bf doesnt eat with you, doesn't get to see your kids. Doesnt do my housework, I take my own self shopping. He's never been on a holiday with me. And if I only get to see him 4 times a month, how is that classed as a partner to me ??

My situation is obviously somewhat different to the other 2 ladies in this thread. All I wanted defined is what is classed as a partner ( when it begins to affect your benefits )

mealone

The biggest benefit fraud in the land is claiming to be single and having a partner who works and checks must be done to clamp down on this and thats why there are complience visits and the two mothers in this thread that object are both a lot more than bf/gf and likly to fail the LTAMAW test so there views are biased.

Spending most of the time together, allowing your address to be used by the partner, you insurering his car by DD, both partners not maintaining there own households etc is LTAMAW and not a casual relationship in any way so own up and take whatever punishment you are given, you both should have though about your situation long before now and informed the JC+ of the relationships and let them decide whether you are LTAMAW to protect yourselves.

I hope any other people in this situation do inform the JC+ before a neighbour, ex or family member report you and you find yourself in very hot water.