Today is a new day!

Different_Corner

PAF
was thinking about you this morning. The situation with your family. Your need to feel defensive. I totally understand.
I know they care, and want to be there for you. The last thing they want to be is 'patronising' But when it's just you and DD, everyone's gone home it's still your life. Your choices, only you know you.
Feel the fear and all that

beanielou

It wouldent be Incapacity benefit as you are a new claimant.
It would be Employment & Support allowance.
Hope it goes well wth your mum.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

beanielou wrote: »

It wouldent be Incapacity benefit as you are a new claimant.
It would be Employment & Support allowance.
Hope it goes well wth your mum.

Thanks BeanieLou, Ive never heard of that one. Will definately need to make more enquiries into it all. Do you know what the difference is between the two?

Right, spoke to mum last night.

On the positive and very helpful side of things. She and dad have GIVEN, not lent, given me the money I need for the adaption, plus £200 to help me get over the next couple of weeks with pending bills. She has said it is a one off, so not to be repeated. Whilst I am v appreciative, I did say to her, Ive never asked them for anything in the past, everything Ive done on my own. Wedding, adaptions, house, other things related to my disability too numerous to go into here, Ive financed them all myself. And I wouldn't expect them to bail me out nor was I expecting them to this time. In other words I was reassuring her I was getting things on track after the last few months of mayhem and they can be assured I will remain independent! It was a complete surprise when she said she wanted to do this for me, and I was gobsmacked.

On the more trying side of our conversation, she wanted me to stop saying Im on my own dealing with it all. I said, well thats how Ive been feeling dealing with the weather, tax bill, and other things that have occured since before Xmas. There has been no one sharing the responsibility of everything with me, and that can be v lonely at times.
She suggested I consider selling my home to a housing assoc which I became v angry about. I couldn't believe she would think that was a possible option and I said I hope to god she would never watch that scenario happening. I would presumably give half of my house away, thats currently £80K. I explained to her that my goals of a successful business have a large part to play for the financial security of me and dd, and part of that plan is to keep this house in its entirety with themortgage paid early, I want to invest in a second property and put it in dds name. In twenty years I do not want dd worrying about my care if my walking goes completely downhill or if I need more care. All the equity in my home I may need to offset the costs that could be involved at that time. I of course hope Im ok in the future, however I am v aware how helpful it is to have a stair lift at the age of 44 so I am also accounting for all possibilities. She said I should be grateful I have a motorbility vehicle. I said I didn't think Id ever been ungrateful! so of course I am, however I am also aware I have never recd compensation for my disability and there are expenses I have to cover that are higher as a result of my disability such as my life cover on the house which is pushing £100 a month. Things like that. I did become quite defensive at times.

It all ended saying we loved each other and she just wants the best for me which of course I do understand. So, I am very thankful for their help. However, I am going to follow my gut feeling about my life, concentrate on "designing" a fab life for dd and I and really aim to enjoy the ride! Kl is a huge part of it, my self esteem is also another and I realise that has slowly been dwindling away. I need to work on that too.

Anyway, will leave it there. Get on with having some lunch and work bits and pieces I need to do before collecting dd. Weds have become a sort of day at home. I do not do any catalogues today, catch up with paperwork. I am going to do a newsletter for my customers in a sec.

BTW, have lost 4lb in weight so far. If anything going on a diet has highlighted just how I need to address my whole lifestyle. My sleep effects my energy levels. My worrying etc effects my sleep. Its a bit of vicious circle. I will get there though!

beanielou

Basically Employment & Support Allowance has replaced Incapacity benefit for new claimants.

Nessa56

Hi PAF

I haven't posted before on your thread but have been following it with great interest and admiration. Well done that girl.

With reference to Slimming World you might want to give this thread a whirl
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=2210165&highlight=slimming+world

They are all friendly and very helpful, I am doing SW but not going to classes and finding I am doing quite well, I think if you are determined enough (and I am sure you are !) you will succeed .

Take care and good luck in all that you do

v
x

Different_Corner

PaF
You okay ? Your chat with your Mum must have been playing on your mind.
I go with gut feelings
HUGS.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Hi DC

Thank you for caring. Yes, Im fine. Just had a lot on, been working hard, had a busy weekend, did an Easter fair at dds school yesterday. Had a table to promote my Kl business. It was v quiet, not well attended at all. I know the organisers were quite disappointed. In the circumstances, it was a miracle I obtained some interest from punters, and I have a lady to call on Weds who may want to join my team. So, it was worth doing. Just finished my newsletter to go out to customers. Have had quite a proactive time in that way.

Am all set for the week. Am going to the gym after taking dd to school in the am before starting work. Have a lot to do tom, looking forward to the orders I am intent on getting!. My target last week was £1125 in sales, actual was £1022 so not far off. Just want to maintain it.

Re mum, we are ok I think. She usually stays for a cuppa when she brings dd home on the days she has her after school but she didn't stay last time saying she was tired. Am hoping it wasn't for another reason. My focus is to work on mylifestyle, diet, sleep etc to be able to maintain the income I need and more so I never am in a position of not being able to pay the mortgage without help . It wont happen again anyway from mum and dad, mum made that absolutely clear, but you know what I mean. Am def on my own in that dept now!

Take care DC. Will pop into your diary when I have more time in the week. Must go to bed now, yes, dont faint, bed rather than fall asleep on the chair!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, in terms of my budgeting, things are not going well at all. I have not made a payt to a credit card on time. In fact, I will have to suffer the penalty for doing so but they will just have to receive the min payt in two parts over the next week. Will call them tom to explain situation. I realise I am almost beyond caring. Petrol is going up daily for all of us I know but I am sure its likely to put another £50 on my monthly budget for it. I will know by the end of this coming month whether that estimate is correct when I look at my spending diary!. My dd's after school club are putting up their prices from next month. When will it all stop? I just about get things under control to a point, and then something else increases.

I saw mum this eve, of course I am v grateful to her for paying for my adaption. That said I have had to find thousands for previous adaptions, and other necessities to do with my disability. Not one have they had to fund, I have done it all. She reiterated once again that such a financial gift will not be available again. I wish she wouldn't keep saying that to me, they make me sound like a taker, and if its one thing I can say here I have always, always been independent of them in that way. Why dont I talk to dad she asked? Why indeed! What does he want to know I asked. Exactly how does he think three consecutive months of snow effects your income when you are self employed and find getting about more difficult at the best of times? What is it he can not work out? I know its not their fault Im disabled and alot of my abilities now are down to my mum in particular fighting a system that told her it wasn't worth investing time on me, one doc told her I would just grow up to have a life of a vegetable! But then, in my defensive moments with my parents, I want to say to them, its not my fault either and by some dreadful situation I have over recent times dealt with a murder which is ongoing, my falling over, and all that happened there. What exactly did they think I was doing when the bills had to be paid and I couldn't work because of falling over or because I had physio or because the police needed to see me for something to do with my dh situation?? I just feel my parents are completely blind to the impact my situation has, and speaking to my mum tonight just made me feel I am totally on my own with this. I love them both to pieces, its just best to not talk to them about it.

I realise that I need to just hang in there until my mortgage reduces in September. Focus on what I can change, my progress in my business for one, my spending another. Know I am doing my best and that this will come to an end one day. Its just proving to be a bit of a scary, lonely, alienating ride at the moment. I have to accept things are as they are, take a deep breath, be grateful for what I do have still, and find a strength from somewhere.

moo2moo

Came across this and thought of you, I know they're Devon based but they may be able to put you in touch with a similar group of ladies local to you.

thrifty_fifty

Hi P&F

Sorry you are having a bit of an extra rough patch at the mo. Parents are on a different planet, they're of a whole different generation and I think they forget, when they are older and have paid off their mortgages that the younger years are a struggle. And even more so for you.
They can't seem to understand why we are in our situations. My mum seems to talk to me like I've messed my life up, and all I can do is salvage what's left of it (I'm 30 this year), because I don't have a mortgage (again) and three children in tow, somehow I feel like I've failed.

You need to get some girlies round you, who don't judge you, and understand.

You're amazing and don't you forget it!!