Today is a new day!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

A very quick entry! I am struggling to keep up, but the mortgage is paid, other bills as well. My aspirations to get the extra £349 seem a foolish dream right now, Im not giving up though. The thing is I am catching up anyway after the snow, the sales are good, just done another £550, am confident will pick up £600 to £800 today, and again on mon, its just the bills are endless. Am so tired, cant wait for the weekend to relax a bit, have a lie in!!! Thats it, will update prop another time. Have a physio appt this am which makes the day even more tight with getting the work done. Hope all will be well there!

InaPickle

Hi PaF. Things sound busy and tiring, but keep giong as you may well do it without even realising it, only to realise that you've done it after you sit down and tot everything up.

Best of luck and keep us up-to-date with things in PaFland! x

beanielou

Take care x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thanks for your good wishes.

I'm glad this week has drawn to a close. Did not reach my sales target of £1750, however still achieved in excess of £1K.. with books still to collect where customers want the weekend to place their orders.! Will get the "bad" news out of the way first. Have no money to cover three bills due on Mon. Contacted Halifax today to explain that the reason for this situation is simply that my delivery due today did not arrive, it is coming on Mon. Therefore monies can be paid in on tues as opposed to tom which would have been in time for Mon. Worst case scenario I pay £5 if they pay the direct debits, or if they dont pay the direct debits, I dont get charged because I wont be over my limit, and I just need to contact the respective Companies to get them to represent the direct debits again hopefully without charging me. Spent a good hour on tel this afternoon calling customers to defer their deliveries to Mon. Mon is going to be a hell of a day, I have 180 books to collect, the £400 order outstanding plus another £250 one Im expecting on Mon anyway, making approx 50 deliveries to do, and I will need to do some of them with dd in the car, not ideal on a school eve, but there you go. Its going to be a good 10 hour day, 11 if I incorporate my rest spells I ideally need in order to keep working without increasing the risk of falling over. Tues and Weds are already fully booked in the afternoon/early eve with deliveries so I can not delay if I can help it. Then once we are home and have had supper, I will need to sort out the 180 books to go out again on tues, that is if I can stay awake! Still its fantastic to be able to be so proactive and so busy, and I am indeed v blessed to have an array of such lovely customers. Nevertheless, this week, virtually every eve Ive been asleep by 8pm on the chair, awake again by 1ish, then sort out whatever re work for the next day before going to bed. Total madness. Its great having my goal to acquire an extra £299 this month, the reality is I just do not know how to overcome the tiredness and it is that that overtakes everything.

The good news

Im thinking of tues when I will have £600 plus to pay in to Kl and my account, I will also have a payt of £271 going in by bacs, representing my widows pension and my DLA of £74.20. Its all spent, but at least next week after Mon everything is covered again and I will be upstraight once more.

Am expecting great orders on Mon to get nearer to my target!

Went to the physio on thursday am, and they have given me something to try on my foot to hopefully improve my walking. It is without a doubt the source of much of my tiredness, - my walking quality - and if I can improve it in anyway, it will help me to stay able enough to keep earning. I will start using it tom, build up an hour a day and then in 10 days I will be able to wear it all day while working and Im hoping it will really help.

Met a new customer early in the week who is disabled, she couldn't understand why I was working! I try and hide my disability, look as normal as poss, but she could tell straight away, and asked me what was wrong with me. I told her, she told me she gets more money now than when she was working, but I told her that I did not want to live my life according to what they govt tell me what I can and cant do. She understood that. She said she gets v lonely and bored. Nevertheless, I came away, and every so often when I have to face the reality of this what can feel like never ending tiredness I have asked myself, am I doing the right thing, am I being fair to my dd, am I mad to think I could ever be a business woman in a business that I love being in. The reality is I know of no other widowed, single parent, disabled Kl distributors, there is no one I could name who is disabled moving up the Kl payplan. Am I mad to think I can? Then I think of Barack Obama becoming the first black president, the Duncan Bannantynes of this world who leave school without any qualifications and I think why not me, why cant I push the boundaries and get out there and achieve massive things. I am so far either the top or second top retailer in the group Im part of for the period since last Dec despite the snow, the group as a whole turns over a quarter of a million every 4 week period so its a fair size.

Anyway, back to basics, I need to get back into my team building in a bigger way. Am going to plan and revisit my goals this weekend. Tom, dd and I are baking and cooking for Sun when my brother and sis and children come over to have our family photo for mums 70th, and they are coming back to me for something to eat.

Am sure I will be more myself after a good nights sleep without having to be woken up by an alarm clock!! I have to remind myself Im hanging in there. Off to have a cup of tea, then bed. I need to look forward, all is well!! I only need to look at my dd to know just how lucky I am and that we will keep hanging in there endeavouring to enjoy and appreciate our days while the business grows and the debt reduces.

InaPickle

PaF, I've said it before and I'll say it again: you are a a marvel. I sympathise with your tiredness (could you invest in some good quality coffee?!), but why CAN'T you be the only person with a disability to progress up the Kleeneze ladder? If you keep putting in sales like the ones you are currently getting, you should go far, and somebody has to be the first to do do something worthwhile in life...if there had been no Barack Obama, there would be no hope for other black Americans that they could one day be President. If there was no PaF, there would be no hope for other people with disabilities that they could be the next business leaders of tomorrow. Keep going, and one day you will be the inspiration to all the people like you who ask themselves 'can I do it'? :T

beanielou

I know where you are coming from with the tiredness.
Mine is the same as yours in that it is because of my poor walking.
I have been told I use 4 times the energy at least to do what other people do IYSWIM.
Im most likely a wee bit older than you & I have yet to find an answer.
I toally admire you & what you are doing as I could not do a quarter of what you do.
Keep plodding hun x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Yes, Beanie Lou, I ve been told that by the physio too. That is about the impact of not being able to walk properly. The extra energy it takes up is far greater than you would think. Ive tried to explain this to dd's school when Ive been late with her and the bank when I was going through my patch of falls re getting money in etc, but it all falls on deaf ears. Even in Kl, the training is given by able bodied people who invariably are part of a couple, and is essentially for able bodied people to follow. I am making my own system up as I go because I have learnt that to duplicate what the majority do is just impossible. I am currently trying to get greater awareness of the challenges of single parent/disabled in Kl for at the moment you would think we dont exist. Its just the way it is but not necessarily right! Take care of you!

I am tired this am, just having a cuppa to wake up a bit. However, I survived Monday. Have 18 books to collect I didn't have the time for yesterday. DD is simply just wonderful. She slept in the back of the car and was as good as gold while I got the deliveries done. We got home at about 8.30pm, not ideal on a school night but she sleeps anywhere, shes sort of used to doing Kl with me when we need to. I can remember breast feeding her in the car in between doing catalogues etc when she was too young to go to nursery! So shes learnt to be adaptable and I tell her its because mummy wants to be able to keep our little home, and she says thats alright mummy! however I have another load of deliveries this afternoon, eve, and I do not want to over run today. I have to finish those by 6.30pm to pick up dd and I want to bring her straight home. We didn't do any reading or anything like that last night. It was home, supper, her bed, me sort out books then bed. New day today. Need to be brave and check my bank account later this am,!!!

beanielou

Hope your day goes as you wish.
Positive vibes your way x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Have not just been crying today, Ive been weeping, weeping for England.

I haven't made my target. I missed putting an order through last night to acquire my ideal bonus because I fell asleep about 8ish. Im so so angry with myself, not that I have got the extra £299 I need for my adaption anyway. Its all a complete nightmare. Quite simply, the reality is my best is not good enough, I can pretend all I like everything is ok, but it isn't. Have had real doubts today. What I want to do and what I can physically do are simply miles apart. I really want to hide in a corner, cover myself with a blanket and pretend Im somewhere else. Instead, I need to sort out some deliveries, put my pretend smile on, try and be normal and get what I can done before collecting dd from the after school club, finish the deliveries with her in tow, come home, do supper, just maybe get to bed before falling asleep again. We will need to work for a couple of hours tom. Ive felt so tired today and of course weeping does nothing for your brain. Feel washed out. Not sure what I am going to do, how to manage financially, how to become superwoman. Thats what I need to be. I wish someone could tell me how to overcome the issues. Perhaps my dreams are just too ridiculous. I know what I need, another one of me, oh just how wonderful would that be to have help. All this makes me cry for my dh. I want him here. What I would give for just one hug. Oh Ill shut up. Must get on. I will get over this, Im just gutted at failing again.

beanielou

Sorry to read that things are so tough for you.
Im sorry that you have missed your target.
I dont ,mean this in a horrid way but I think sometimes you expect too much of yourself.I know why you do but you need to think of your pysical health TBH.
Can you see yourself maybe getting an office based job or something that is less physical?
How short are you from your target?
Anyway take lots of care & dont beat yourself up too much/
HUggles xxxx