Today is a new day!

mum2one · 12 August 2012 at 6:12PM

beanielou wrote: »

All Im going to say is that it seems odd for your parents to write to a 9 year old.Im sure that you get my drift.

My thoughts exactly x

taxi73 · 12 August 2012 at 8:13PM

loving the quote and also agree that writing to a 9 year old is below the belt..your mum should not use your daughter in this way ..it's like trying to get her to take sides which is unfair and is akin to what she has done with you.

Your mother is highly toxic and I think the only answer is to pretend she doesn't exist and to keep her out of your life completely...I had to do this many years ago to my own mother to keep my sanity and to keep my family safe.

InaPickle · 17 August 2012 at 10:07PM

Hi PaF! :wave:

Things seem to be going mostly well. I must admit, a letter from your mum sounds rather formal when sent to a 9 year old. I've never heard of the like.

You didn't take the teatowel off the parrot cage for any reason did you?

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED · 18 August 2012 at 9:38AM

Thank you for sharing that quote Rainbow Bridge, i will refer to it often!
Pickle, no, the letter to dd came out of the blue although Mum had texted me earlier in the school hols to say when she wouldn't be around to help with dd and said to ask for help during the times she would be available and I never asked for reasons already explained in previous posts so whether me not asking caused her to write to dd I don't know.But as I say I have always found it hard to ask for help, indeed my friends say I should ask them more often and I am getting better at asking but asking my parents/sister for help is a complete no no. I actually wonder if my mum gets some sort of power from being asked as opposed to offering because her letter to dd then offered two dates by which time those days were full up with other plans anyway so she clearly wanted to see dd badly enough given I hadn't asked if that makes sense and so decided to use dd to communicate that to retain that power/hold! Thats my theory. I could be wrong.

Other news, have been really pleased with myself as on the asking front I have taken the plunge to ask two places dd and I want to visit who do different entrance rates for carers whether dd would qualify as she is not yet 16 so doesn't receive a carers allowance but does attend Care for Carers the charity to support child carers, and the answers have come back yes! So, to date that has saved me finding an additional £12.25 which is then in my adaptation fund to help with the cost of that next year. If it transpires my current adaptation is ok for another few years then I can use the fund I build up to perhaps take dd for a weeks hols next year and a much needed rest for us both. You never know! Either way it will help to support future needs so asking has proven so worthwhile...

My aunt has responded to my email to her in which I thanked her for her family counsellor suggestion but declined. She said my email made her cry because she hadn't appreciated how much I've worked on issues of my own myself and the challenges Ive faced and realised that it was an inappropriate suggestion so at last she understands where Im coming from so that was very reassuring for me. I presume she has communicated with mum about it but Ihaven't heard anything more so that is a relief. Ijust want to keep going and do my best.

Lastly, I have invested in some folic acid supplements, vitamins and cod liver oil in the hope that mypins and needles which are happening as I type now inm y good hand so apologies for any spellin errors!, and also my goodleg which is often becoming harder to cope with than my not so good leg may ease up a bit. My main concern is if this is like it is in warm weather what will happen in the colder however a day at a time and be thankful for everything!

Thats me, off to prepare a picnic and out for the day with dd. So looking forward to it. Take care!

mum2one · 18 August 2012 at 12:28PM

Have you tried tonic water as it has quinnie (excuse spelling) in it, also glusomate (again spelling) may be helpful for joints and if you have arthritis.

Glad your Aunt understood everything, I really think your mum is just dragging you down, and its going to come to a point where I really think your going to have to cut the contact with them, sorry to sound harsh, I know the old saying blood thicker than water, but the other side of the coin the saying you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.

If its me and DD that goes out and it says on leaflet free carer, etc, then I say disabled and carer, DD is 10, but she still has to help with things while were out, whether its picking up crutches, fetching things, etc, same as your dd just because shes not 16, she is still a carer. xx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED · 22 August 2012 at 8:30AM

Thanks mum2one. Well, I've been really brave and declined a family invite to my mums on thebasis dd and I have other plans and even if we hadn't I would feel better able to deal with things staying away.

Other news, slight change in snowball plan as its now official Halifax are increasing their od fees from the 2nd Nove so I need to reduce my od by £500 to avoid double charges. So, thats my priority from next month. Am really pleased with finances as all is going well. Did pay £80 more on my Natwest debt this month, min on the others and still with all the extra outgoings with school hols etc I will be able to pay for expenses for the weekend up in Birmingham in a couple of weeks when I get my award from my bank account, NOT my credit card!!! Success! Hoorah! Sales looking good. Have some Xmas catalogues out there and despite still being summer have had a great response.

Am also really chuffed as have seen a dressing table, mirror and stool which is within my ideal price range for my dd's Xmas and Birthday present. Am so excited about that.

So, all positive. Determined to enjoy the remaining couple of weeks of the school hols. This time last year was panicking about affording dd a new pair of school shoes. This year I have the money and the debt is going down down down regardless!