Today is a new day!

chevalier

Glad that the wedding went well for the happy couple. As for your parents. Well it has all been said before. I bet they felt really clever for ignoring you all the day, but I also bet that others in the family noticed how poorly they were treating you (by ignoring you) and have noted it....

well done on getting a new team leader. We too are waiting with baited breath to see if you get that final ppi payment soon
chev

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thanks everyone, Pickle you are a dear! Spot on as usual!

So, will call Halifax today re PPI to check on progress. Progress was made with my sis who was quite amicable with me at the wedding, helped me get cheese and biscuits , that sort of thing. Her dh was thrilled for me when I told him I had won an award in my business and asked if things were the same with my parents and did they know about my award to which of course I replied no. He said he would be telling them, and my sis and for what its worth he thinks I should carry on. Anyway, my sis and I have arranged to meet half way between our homes at a shopping centre with my dd and her dd's and ds in tow on Good Friday. We can't get into an argument there - the last time we communicated by text she was telling m e to sell my home and its on neutral ground so either of us could leave if uncomfortable. I think this has to be a good move, my dd has missed her cousins and vica versa and I do understand my sis cares for me and is worried BUT that simply won't change my intentions to keep onliving a normal life as far as possible and I will not be made to feel I should apologise for doing so. My view is if she and my parents are worried all the more bizarre that after 7 falls last year not one of them offered any recovery help and I currently am fortunate to benefit from more encouragement and practical help from charities than I could ever hope to have from my family. Not that I would expect anything from my sis in practical terms given we are a couple of hrs away from each other and she has 3 children and working etc!!!..So, the least she could do is not knock me for doing mybest and anyway it would seem she wants to build bridges too so its positive I feel and we will wait to see what Friday brings...

taxi73

good news on your sister wanting to change

Verbatim

I hope the bridge building goes well. Hooray for your bil.

Jo4

I hope this works out well for you and your DD.

mum2one

That sounds good news about Friday, maybe they've finally realised that you can astand on your own two feet, and that your parents are the one who is putting the ore into the matter, be brilliant for dd as sounds like she misses her cousins.

as you say neutral ground, it puts less stress on you all.

You both take care xx

Jo4

I hope things have went well for you & DD yesterday!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thank you everyone. Well, we did meet sister and neices. Quite bizarre as we did have a sort of argument in the cafe we were in. And then we browsed round the shops together and everything was alright. It's clear she does care but she has categorically told me mum has nothing to apologise for, it's me that splitting the family up and its my dear friend who was rude to mum , not the other way round. It was quite clear that my sis andmum have talked about it a lot. And I tried to say to my sis what has actually been happening to which my sis simply said all mum has done was say things in the heat of the moment. She has nothing to say sorry for. I said but she wrote a letter to me instructing me to call the benefits office, saying she and dad wouldn'tbe paying for future car adaptions again, saying I need to make changes to my life. My sis wouldn't have it, surely you are not suggesting mum and dad cover all your billls for your disability she asked. . No, not at all I replied. Until this situation, I always have always done so at a cost of £1000s as you know..Then to top it all she told me I always look tired. I replied by saying are you and mum only capable of pointing out the negative about me. I thought I looked nice , I have taken care with my appearance today. She said well you do, you always look tired! I said do you know its only you and mum who say that about me. (Thismay have been a small comment in the scheme of things but its just yet one more put me down). In the end I have to bite my lip as my dd and neices were not far away and I just think nothing will change their attitude to me. Basically, she said I'm making it difficult for everyone. So, I did say I thought mum did the best job of that by creating the whole situation in the first place and I am simply not going to apologise for living my life as I am and anyway what am I doing that makes things so difficult for mum. I wondered if the fact I have not given up work makes it difficult for the family. Am I such an embarrassment working? Mum did say last year that half the village think I look tired! For my part, I told my sis I did apologise long ago to mum and dad where I felt it was appropriate, I on the other hand have had no apologies at all without wanting to sound tit for tat. And for me if mum and co consider it acceptable to say the things they have, then clearly they could easily say them again and I'm back feeling very low again, doubting myself and so on, and quite frankly I can not afford to be in that dark place. What I don't like is yet again this feeling of having mum, dad and my sis effectively deciding how it is, telling me how it is, and thats it. So, the rest of the meeting was fine, my sis said have a think about what she had said, it's your call. I just listen disbelievingly.
Anyway, today I receive a text from mum saying its time we put it behind us and moved on and be theloving family we once were. Now, that sounds all well and good but for me as I say there has been no remorse expressed for what they have said and how exactly do you become a loving family again when those family members haveliterally denegrated everything about your life down to your appearance, your work, your parenting, your coping strategies re dh murder, the falling, your home, your personal life, your friends. Theres no way Icould openly talk about anything in their company. That said I have phrases on my wall in the kitchen, Forgive everyone one says. What other people think of you is none of your business says another. So, I need to work on myself considerably to reach that point with regard to this situation!

Moving on, I chased up my PPI claim and the latest update is that on the 15th March it was passed to have the calculations made on the refund due so that sounds very positive. The 12 weeks is up on the 23rd April - will wait and see.
Also, we are up to Newcastle in the early hours of the am. Very exciting. Still a lot to do. want to just hoover through, do some ironing, pack of course and sort out the car so everything is in before going to sleep tonight. Re work been just so busy this week and if I haven't been working I've been sleeping but today have placed and prepared orders totalling £990 so its all been worth it. Dd lovely as usual so everything else going fine!

mum2one

It sounds like your sister and mum had obviosuly got together before hand so your mum could have her tuppence worth, there not supporting you, if anything it seems like there putting you down, there always be your parents, but i know its hard, but I think your going to be coming to a point where your going to have to decide do you want them constantly putting you down, and doing what there doing, or walk away and live your life for you and DD.

Jo4

I did think this would be the outcome, some families never learn! I have to agree with mum2one - they are constantly putting you down.