Stop me getting arrested!!!

blue_monkey_2

I think your DH should be more supportive. Is he there to witness what is going on? I am bewildered by his attitude to be honest, why he wants his little boy to get hurt.

tiamai, my DS is 5 and has ADHD and a form of Autism (as has my DD possibly). He spends most of his day stropping over things he wants but cannot have - for an easy life it would be easy to give in, but I cannot. Because this will mean he knows he can walk over me for the rest of his days. He strops, he his aggressive, he says things to me, he really does not understand why he cannot do things, he possibly has tourettes and so he makes these really loud screeching noises because he then is stressed. As I say, giving in is the easy choice but he is not learning anything from that and will know that he can do these things to get his own way - as your son has done. He can try all he likes but I ignore him unless he starts getting aggresive and then he gets put in another room to tantrum it out.

Trust me, saying no to him now will do him the world of good even if it leaves you feeling bad and guilty. In 5 years time when he has stropped his way out of the house he could be out there doing drugs and you'll never know if you are letting him go whenever he wants to and are not able to tell him know, by then it is too late to do anything because he will have learnt to strop and get his own way. If he cannot accept no then tell him no, explain why and then turn your back and let him get on with it. Once it is out of his system and the strop is over with then get him something else to do. I stick my DD in her room when she does this as it can go on for anything over an hour, but I will not let them walk over me day in day out - life is hard enough as it is without your kids giving you any respect.

It is hard and yes there is lots of guilt but you also feel bad that you cannot do anything about these kids. You have to get the balance right somewhere so feel guilt and keep him safe. If your DH is not there then don't tell him!! If he is then let him deal with it. If he is happy to watch his little boy getting beaten then I do think that quite odd and you need to say no, you will not tolerate him eing beaten.

We have a local bobby, do you have one? They are happy to speak to us and also communicate by email, and also they have those mobile units, do not be afraid of reporting this as tthey are not children, they are 12 and that is old enough to know better.

tiamai_d

DH thinks that us always getting involved is just going to make things worse for him as it will alienate him further and that you can't keep a child confined to the house.

Anyway, emailed our local police team so we will see what they come up with.

I would like to point out that while some parents think he is too young to be at a park alone, we don't. Our decision to give him that freedom is based on our circumstances and where we live. Other places are different and other people will make other choices, as parents that is our job. There will be things you let your children do that I wouldn't, but I won't judge you on it.

The question is about bullying which happens whether I am there or not.

KellyWelly

He's 7 years old (and in your own words, immature for his age) and you send him out to play on his own? Not only that, but he is being bullied and you still send him out to play on his own?

Seriously, is this acceptable?

mintymoneysaver

tiamai_d wrote: »

I would like to point out that while some parents think he is too young to be at a park alone, we don't. Our decision to give him that freedom is based on our circumstances and where we live.

The circumstances that involve a immature seven year old boy being bullied? Sorry, but I just think that's not right. I had friends that lived in a village so I can understand how the situation would be different there, and that in certain places it would be fine for a 7 year old to go to the park by himself, but not when these children are being so horrible to him. From what I can see you either have to sort out these other children by talkin to their parents or stop your son playing with them.

hollydays

I notice you haven't said he has problems at school.Are the same kids there? is he happy at school,does he socialise ok?

DKLS

May I suggest you sign your son up for 1 of the martial arts classes.
No so much that he learns to kick the bullies butts, but more to improve his confidence, fitness and strength, with a healthy dose of discipline and fun thrown in.

It has benefited my 2 nephews enormously, 1 told me at the weekend, how we walked away from a fight, even though he knew he could beat the other kid easily.
Ju-Jitsu benefited me when i had a phase of being bullied, an intensive summer of classes, gave me the confidence, to stop the bullying by targeting the ringleader on teh first day back in september, and humiliating him in front of the entire school without laying a punch on him.

Spendless

Hi- I live very close to a play park too. It was re-furbished when my son was 7 and was the first step of me letting him play out alone. My initial rules were he could not play after a certain time, he could only play out if their was a mixture of kids & adults, he could only play upto a certain time (otherwise a lot older kids came out) and he was checked every 5-10 mins by myself. The following summer (last year) I increased it he could play at the park as long as he was in a group of other children and I don't check as often.
I would tailor your rules to what suits you for your area. Sometimes the presence of an adult is enough to stop any kids starting. Even if it's someone walking their dog or half reading a newspaper at the bench.

To answer the abduction situation that has been mentioned. Obviously I have no idea of the set up but the park near me, you cannot get a vehicle onto it so you would have to lure the child away- My husband cannot lift our 9yo so you couldn't pick him up and take him and he is also sensible enough to not go off with anyone-not even if he knows them, he knows my rules are he wants to go anywhere other than the park he comes back and asks first. That will depend on the maturity of your child. I wouldn't let my 6yo play out alone as she would quite happily say 'sure, how many puppies do you have?':rolleyes:and wander off with someone.

xx_Jo_xx

Tiamai_d

My little boy is also 7 and we live in a village in a little cul-de-sac and I too, allow my child out to play. I dont think this is unacceptable, however if I lived in a different area then like some of the other people who have contributed to the thread, I too would be reluctant to allow a 7 year old out alone.

But like I say, Im lucky enough to live in an area where they can go out and be seen from the window at all times.......as do you.

And if Ive read your post correctly, you are not asking for opinions or approval on whether or not your son should be allowed out to play because of his age, but due to the bullies he faces when hes out there - correct? I just want to clarify, as people seem to only be commenting on the fact hes out at all, as opposed to your actual concerns.

I also noticed that someone has stated you havent said he was bullied at school, but Im pretty sure I read that you said he is also bullied at school? Im sorry, I cant master quoting lots of people at once, but for those who are unsure, if you go back.......Im sure the statement is indeed there.

Now, living in a village and like you, being able to see my child play from the window at all times, would I allow him out to play - yes I would.

The problem with keeping him indoors when he wants to go out - even when he knows the bullies are there - makes him feel like he is being punished when he hasnt in fact done anything wrong, yet he is the one being kept indoors.

If he knows they are there, and he wants to go out, he clearly wants to stand up to them and like someone else has said, I think thats very admirable. My seven year old wouldnt be deterred either. Its his park too, and if he wants to play in it, he will.

The hard part is you watching from the sidelines, and whilst some on here think you are standing watching your child being beaten to a pulp and standing doing nothing, we both know that isnt the case.

I would be tempted to keep a diary of these events, photograph your childs marks/bruises or whatever and contact the police every single time it happens. Regardless of the severity, every time the make physical contact with your child - its assault. Simple as that.

And as for the name calling and bullying, thats harrassment. And if the parents think there kids are little angels - well, a steady stream of sharp knocks on the door from the police will soon change their minds.

I hope for you and your sons sake, you find a speedy resolution.......but for gods sake TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND MIND THAT BP!!!!!

xx

ceebeeby

You say you can see the park from your window - could you record what happens (phone video or camera video mode?). Presumably you're watching him the whole time anyway, so would just be a case of recording what's going on??

Or maybe ask the council to set up CCTV?

ChrisCobra

Follow the little sheetholes home and talk to their parents , another thread which makes me sure i left the UK for the right reasons , i hope you resolve the issue either way , but mark my words these little tykes will develop into thugs eventually and your child may suffer a lot worse , and other peoples kids too.