SAHD - Going back to work

DKLS

pollyanna24 wrote: »

But it’s more the time he gets to spend with women and have fun. Other men don’t want to do that, they’d rather spend time with their men friends surely?

I wont comment on the difficulties of parenting as I know sod all about that.
But will comment on the above, all bar 2 all my friends are women, I prefer their company over men any day of the week.
TBH I find men boring.

pollyanna24

Rockporkchop wrote: »

Oh OP I really feel for you. Most of the posts on here, although sympathetic, are missing the point a bit. It's not about who cooks the dinner or who does what. The OP is (rightfully) fed up because due to the current economic climate she has been forced into a role swap situation she didn't expect or want. She carried her DD for nine months, nursed her, weaned her and is now having to leave her every day and miss out on some key "firsts" to go to a job she doesn't particularly like, just to keep her family afloat. This is all well and good for some people and I know most men do it every day but it's not what was wanted or agreed for her.

It probably wouldn't be so bad if her DP showed her a bit of gratitude, tried to tone down the enjoyment or even assured her that it was only a temporary situation and he would endeavour to find work soon. But he is apparently having such a good time at home he probably doesn't have any motivation to find work and, even if he did, he probably couldn't earn as much as the OP so it wouldn't be worth doing. It's a difficult situation to be in.

Thanks again everyone.

You've hit the nail on the head with the above.

It's nothing to do with the cooking or that I'm being expected to do stuff when I get in. I don't care about any of that. I don't mind doing the cooking, think it's something that I'll just carry on doing (batch cooked three meals of curry while she was in bed last night).

I used to do everything for her, but now he's taken control. I don't know what she's wearing every day till I get in, I don't know what or how much she's eaten of her breakfast and lunch and I don't know how many poos she's done a day!! Silly things, but things I want to be part of. I'm just finding it hard to let go of her. Ooo, scary controlling mother here!!

When I get in, it's my bf who dictates when she has bath and bed depending on what she's been doing during the day and I just miss it all. Even our friends seem to know more about her than I do as they see her during the day.

He said that I am moody and blah blah blah last night. Wants to know why I'm always crying, but I don't really see the point on talking about it, cos he knows what the problem is.

But yesterday, when I suggested a job that a friend of his might be able to get for him, he snapped and said "I have a job" (fair point) and then decided to go on about how bad I am at housework and that it's a good job he's the one at home doing everything. So basically he's good at making me feel useless!!!! :mad:

savvy

pollyanna24 wrote: »

and then decided to go on about how bad I am at housework and that it's a good job he's the one at home doing everything. So basically he's good at making me feel useless!!!! :mad:

LOL have you run a finger along the tops of cupboards and checked under the sofa, if he said that to me, I'd have done that in front of him :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Oh and then reminded him of how shoite he is at cooking I think he was just trying to justify his role there IMO.

How about installing a webcam so you can see what your baby is up to at home at least or ask him to picture msg you when she does cute stuff??

nm123_2

Hey, I just stumbled across this thread.. I am the main breadwinner in our relationship, and OH and I have jokingly said that perhaps he could be the SAHD... But in all honesty, I'm not sure if the control freak in me could do it. I feel quite passionate about having children and one day becoming a mother, and the pressure of being the main breadwinner is quite scary in how this will all get juggled.

I've always expected to be a working mum and am lucky enough to currently work for a company where flexible working is normal. I would hope to go part time or work from home a lot but there will still be childcare issues. We've just moved to Australia where the maternity pay is dire and we have no friends or family to help out with childcare if we did end up having kids here. So again, juggling finances with work and childcare will be tricky.

Anyway, I was just wondering how the OP was getting on - given we're 9 months later now!?!? Updates please!

(FWIW, I was going to ask if OP's OH had any intention of getting work soon? And whether you would give up work still if he did? Or whether it would make you feel better to pay a nursery/childminder instead of having him home?)

Imp

Maybe his nice lady friends could teach him to cook.

southoftheriver

nm123 wrote: »

Hey, I just stumbled across this thread.. I am the main breadwinner in our relationship, and OH and I have jokingly said that perhaps he could be the SAHD... But in all honesty, I'm not sure if the control freak in me could do it. I feel quite passionate about having children and one day becoming a mother, and the pressure of being the main breadwinner is quite scary in how this will all get juggled.

I've always expected to be a working mum and am lucky enough to currently work for a company where flexible working is normal. I would hope to go part time or work from home a lot but there will still be childcare issues. We've just moved to Australia where the maternity pay is dire and we have no friends or family to help out with childcare if we did end up having kids here. So again, juggling finances with work and childcare will be tricky.

Anyway, I was just wondering how the OP was getting on - given we're 9 months later now!?!? Updates please!

(FWIW, I was going to ask if OP's OH had any intention of getting work soon? And whether you would give up work still if he did? Or whether it would make you feel better to pay a nursery/childminder instead of having him home?)

It would probably be worth having a look through the OP's recent posts, because from what I remember there has been updates.