SAHD - Going back to work

pollyanna24

Dormouse wrote: »

Can I just point out one thing? I think there's a bit of "grass is always greener" type thing going on here. You seem to think that being a SAHP is all fun and games, going for walks, doing the housework while the baby contentedly plays in the baby walker, etc. Yes that's what it's like... for maybe 10% of the time, or 20%, or 50% if you're really lucky, but it certainly isn't a bed of roses all the time. A SAHP also has to put up with hours and hours of whinginess, bumped heads, snot, poo everywhere, clinginess, and not a second to yourself.

Your DP is probably equally resentful of all the things you get to do in your day - like going to the loo by yourself, and having lunch in peace, and being able to surf the net. Do you see what I mean?

I do see what you mean, and agree... to a point. Last week, I was a stay at home mum, and still want to do it. I've been on both sides and know which side I prefer!

Dormouse

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I do see what you mean, and agree... to a point. Last week, I was a stay at home mum, and still want to do it. I've been on both sides and know which side I prefer!

Fair enough, I kinda prefer it too but doing it for a week is not the same as doing it all the time, IYSWIM.

pollyanna24

Dormouse wrote: »

Fair enough, I kinda prefer it too but doing it for a week is not the same as doing it all the time, IYSWIM.

Doing what for a week?! I've been a stay at home mother since she was born 8 months ago!

I've only been back at work for a week and hate it. That's my point. I want to be at home with her.

Pee

Thank you for posting this. I think it's great that you've been so honest about how you are feeling.

I really feel for you.

Do you think work will get better when you have been back a few weeks? One of my colleagues, who works part-time, loves coming into the office for a break and some adult conversation.

If you listen to SAHM's they have the hardest job in the world and the working father should have the child the minute they come through the door of an evening. And this seems to be most people thinking this...

Having a child seems to put mum and dad into a competition of I do more oh no I give up more... and it seems really destructive. But it does seem really natural, too.

Is the three hour commute by train? Can you relax a bit with a book to destress before you get home?

You say you don't mind coooking, and sounds like he is doing the chicken with a bit of help tonight. Teach him to cook, so that you can share.

He is doing a fantastic job of being a father, he is a great father figure to other people's children, he is trustworthy... his only fault seems to be that he is never going to be a big earner. Is he still applying for jobs?

I think talking to other women that feel this way would be great, but also talk to women who are staying at home. i know that you have been there and done that, but you were both at home for half of that time and that must have been different, and a lot easier, than being home alone.

Don't mind that he seems to be coping better than you. In some ways he will be better than you i.e. his housework seems very efficient, but is it as thorough as yours? We are all good at different things in life and it really isn't a competition. Well done you for finding such a fantastic father for your child!

Flipped27

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Doing what for a week?! I've been a stay at home mother since she was born 8 months ago!

I've only been back at work for a week and hate it. That's my point. I want to be at home with her.

Argh! Am all confused - has he only been at home with your dd for a week?

liney

So do all the SAHM's expect their DH's to come home from work, put their feet up, and play with the baby?

pollyanna24

No, he has been at home since March when he was made redundant.

He has made a point of me doing everything for her though until I went back to work. He thought I would want to do it, seeing as I wouldn't be doing it come this week. And he was right. Didn't mind doing it at all. He was just there in the background, or getting on with manly things, like getting a new car, and painting the house.

He has been by himself with her properly since the beginning of this week. And doing very well. It was me who got her in the little routine she is in now. And he sticks to it, so good for him.

pollyanna24

liney wrote: »

So do all the SAHM's expect their DH's to come home from work, put their feet up, and play with the baby?

Is this wrong then? That I want to do this in the 2 hours that I might have before she goes to bed?

Surely this is exactly what SAHM's want? No?

But anyway, not the point of my original post. I just want to be with her all the time, but know that is not how it is going to be.

Pee

He may be feeling differently by the end of next week...

KiwiB

Long time lurker here. Polly would it be possible to reduce your hours at work slightly and receive slightly less pay? If you can afford to overpay £500 per month on your mortgage, perhaps it may be an idea to sacrifice this for a while in exchange for spending more time with your little girl while she's small?