SAHD - Going back to work

Pee

Is there any way that you could cut down on work? Maybe something that involves him working more? Something like both of you working two or three days a week might suit, but I thinking finding a job that would allow you to do that could be difficult.
Working from home is presumably not an option?

All being well this recession won't last forever and you might be able to have another year at home with dd and maybe the next baby for longer when bf gets a job?

Flipped27

Its such early days then!!! What a massive change for you all this week - its going to take time to get used to, for you and your dh.
I have been back since 1 May and it was really weird for the first month.
Honestly, you're bound to feel like this. Give it time.

Oh and he may be doing wonderfully now, but there will be weeks when he finds it really tough, like when she is teething or pulling herself up and falling over again!

You need his support now, and he will need yours then.

In the meantime - could you book a couple of days leave? One day a week for a couple of weeks, just so you have that to look forward to, those special days with your dd. I have done that and it makes such a difference.

x

Flipped27

liney wrote: »

So do all the SAHM's expect their DH's to come home from work, put their feet up, and play with the baby?

Yup. and blooming enjoy it!!!

savvy

Pee wrote: »

He may be feeling differently by the end of next week...

Flipped27 wrote: »

Yup. and blooming enjoy it!!!

LMAO you guys are cracking me up :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: And it's probably true, I didn't realise this was his first week, early days then and loads of time for it to get to him *evil head on now* ;)

Seriously tho, the Saturday job for him is a brilliant idea that could lead to something else for him, would let you have solitary bonding time with her, and that idea of Flipped27 with the day off a week sounds useful too...........or even a fortnight if you wanted to keep the bulk of your holiday for a holiday Oh and I'd defo enrol him on a cookery course, because after all, baby has to have the finest gourmet food breakfast, lunch and tea ;) :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

tiamai_d

liney wrote: »

So do all the SAHM's expect their DH's to come home from work, put their feet up, and play with the baby?

Yes. I only expect DH to help out on his days off. If I don't get days off neither does he! :rotfl:

OP, I think it's more a little episode of 'grass is greener' than any real problem tbh. Although you do have to talk to him and come up with something to free up your weekends so that you can have happy family time or he starts cooking (should be easy if you batch cook) Would he manage a slow cooker? You could both prep the stuff up and he puts it in in the morning then he just has to learn how to boil some tatties or rice.

Rockporkchop

Oh OP I really feel for you. Most of the posts on here, although sympathetic, are missing the point a bit. It's not about who cooks the dinner or who does what. The OP is (rightfully) fed up because due to the current economic climate she has been forced into a role swap situation she didn't expect or want. She carried her DD for nine months, nursed her, weaned her and is now having to leave her every day and miss out on some key "firsts" to go to a job she doesn't particularly like, just to keep her family afloat. This is all well and good for some people and I know most men do it every day but it's not what was wanted or agreed for her.

It probably wouldn't be so bad if her DP showed her a bit of gratitude, tried to tone down the enjoyment or even assured her that it was only a temporary situation and he would endeavour to find work soon. But he is apparently having such a good time at home he probably doesn't have any motivation to find work and, even if he did, he probably couldn't earn as much as the OP so it wouldn't be worth doing. It's a difficult situation to be in.

eireaine

Hi - I know how you feel, I am also overpaid in London and can't find anything interesting/ better/ closer to home at present. Also hubby is working part time as that is all the work he has at the momant and much as he tried to help out he does SFA in comparison to what I still do.

I am thinking of this as a short term blip, please god the ressesion will end and Hubby will go back to working 6 days per week so that I can go back to working 5. I know I am lucky to have a job and I love my hubby so I am faking it till we make it through this sticky patch. I will set everything up for him - slow cooker with dinner in it or somthing easy defrosted for dinner, washing machine loaded so he just has to press the on button then a loving call to cajole him to reboot the laundry, I am trying to be the perfect housewife and support and encourage him not drag him down. Maybe this might also work for you.

I reccomend you spend your 3 hour commute doing somthing to relax or fulfil you. I am writing a book, maybe you would prefer to read one, job hunt or study on yours. Don't spend this time seething and resenting your loved ones spend it relaxing so that when you get home you are happy not angry.

Good Luck! :)X

reck_uk

I work full time while my partner stays at home and looks after our (now) 1 year old son.

We try to balance things so that neither of us feels that the other half isn't pulling their weight. I have to get early, have an hours commute to work and put in a full days work. My partner does the washing, cooking and some of the cleaning, I do the vacuuming sometimes. Now that's the bad part which we both do but don't particularly like.

On the flip side she gets to stay in bed longer, spend time and have fun with our son. She's not cleaning 24/7 so while i'm at work so she gets to go out a lot seeing friends, going for a coffee, swimming, baby classes etc.

When I get home from work I come home to a tidyish house, my clothes have been washed and i get to play with our son and bath him while she cooks the dinner.

We find this works quite well for us because she has a nice home and lifestyle and gets to spend time with our son without having to go out to work. I get my meals cooked for me, my clothes washed and the house cleaned. When I get home from work apart from bathing my son (which I don't mind) I get to relax and put my feet up.

From reading your post pollyanna I think he should do more. I'm in the same situation as you and I think he should at least do the cooking. I'm sure he's got time in-between going out with the women to spend some time in the kitchen cooking stuff up. If he doesn't know how then this is the perfect time to start.

tsstss7

Pollyanna I'm a sahm at th mo and would not contemplate going back to work full time so I sypathise with you. I agree with some of the posters above that you ceratinly should not have to always be the one doing the cooking - if you are having to spend these early days away from your baby you should at least be able to get some special one on one tim at the weekends. Perhaps now is a good time to teach Oh how (and what) to cook.

I'm not sure I agree with the post above though that this is a short term situation. Unless you make your feelings plain to your OH he could easily settle into this arrangement esp. as you say you are always likely to be the better earner. I think you need to talk about his sooner rather than later and maybe come to a compromise such as he works one or two days as suggested above so that you could for example do a 3/4 day week instead so that you could be more involved in your Lo's day to day life. Im know one person who does full time hours in 4 days - maybe that is an option?

I have to say that although a lot of people think it is immaterial to a family which person is the main breadwinner it is only natural for a mum to want to be at home with her baby (esp one so young) and you are not alone in hating it...I know very well paid women who do exactly the same as you and in one case it has put a HUGE strain on the marriage (and she loves her job). She is now in the position of wanting out but stays because of the risk of losing her children (which is fairly likely as her Oh has said he would move closer to his family if they were to split so shared custardy wouldn't be an option).

emlou2009

i think he will feel differently and act differently in a week or so, when our son was born my OH was off for 3 weeks with us and when he went back to work on the 4th week i kept myself VERY busy - always going out wandering round town, supermarket, round friends, family, baby clinic, anything really, but now i cant be bothered with the effort quite as much
it may be that he is only filling his days so well because it is a novelty. wait til she gets a cold or something...