Possibly splitting with OH over wanting children issue Update 25.07.09

Ms_Piggy_2

The_Banker wrote: »

Do what my OH did to me.;)

She just stopped taking the pill without telling me.:rolleyes:

Twice.:eek::D

:eek: indeed! And you're still with her? Great basis for a relationship built on trust. Nice for your kids to know that they were 'tricked' into being.

Flipped27

Biggles wrote: »

I think the clue is in the fact you pushed him into a corner by making decisions without involving him. It sounded as though it was all going in the right direction till you started doing that.

But the op clearly said that she told him they would need to use condoms if they still didn't want to conceive. So she wasn't saying that she had made the deicsion to stop contraception but just that she would come off the pill - which IS her decision.

squirrelchops

Hi, I think the decision to hae a baby is so huge that for some people when reality kicks in that they got cold feet...as your OH has done.

I wouldn't worry too much about it at present at you are only 25 and if in 2 years he is still faffing about you still hae plenty of time to start a new relationship and have children. Trust me I should know!

I am 32 and been with OH 2 years now. I didn't eve want children until I met OH but realsie that as he is the right man then I would quite like a child. OH wants children more than I.

However, i am at Uni. We discussed having one asap as I am not getting an younger but then I would be without a job and not even on the rung of a career which would be disheartening after 3 years of study. So, in the cold light of day we discussed it and by the time I qualify then work for a year or so I will be pushing 35-36 yers old. If I get pregnant I do and if not, well there are other options. I suppose the difference is that although I would liek a child I haven't got that clock ticking away or the yearning other women have which does make me more relaxed.

All I can suggest is that you listen to each other and communicate. However, don't lwt this one issue take over the rest of your relationship and be blown out of proportion. Your OH is still young too. My OH will be in his 40s before we even think about having kids!!!

clearing_out_my_pockets

Hi.

I have kind of been of both sides of the fence here. With my ex, I was determined not to have children with him because much as I loved him, I didn't see him as father material. So I told him I never wanted children, which was a by-line for "not with you". That relationship ended after 6.5 years, although not because of the children decision.

With my fiance, I now couldn't imagine our future without children in it. My cousins are all having babies, as are a number of my friends. I've just turned 27 and my body clock is ticking so loudly it's almost deafening me :rotfl:

So we sat down and had the 'chat' about buying property etc and although he would love to be a dad, all I kept getting was "not yet". I've had this for the last year now. A couple of weekends ago, he jokingly told his mum that I'm pregnant which did NOT go down well. I got quite upset that my future MIL was so disappointed, I ended up having a row with OH. He said that we should wait until we are living together AND married before having children so that (wait for it) there are no questions about parental responsibility and rights :eek:

Perhaps your OH wants to be living together and married first?

The_Banker_5

Ms_Piggy wrote: »

:eek: indeed! And you're still with her? Great basis for a relationship built on trust. Nice for your kids to know that they were 'tricked' into being.

Of course we're still together.;):D

Its because I was never decisive enough in my early days so OH used to make all the decisions and I just went along with whatever she said.;)

Good basis for a happy marriage and it has served us well.;)

Too many people get divorced these days for the most trivial of things.;)

lilmissmup

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

Hi.
Perhaps your OH wants to be living together and married first?

We have lived together for 5 years, neither of us are keen on the idea of marriage, me as my parents had a horrid one and a horrid divorce and his views on marriage are pretty much the same too.

Hes spoken to some people at work about it today, not sure if thats good or not as hes telling others he doesn't want children and I do but he said he just needed people to talk too

He asked how long was I planning to see how things went and would it be August which is when our current contract on the house expires, I said I was thinking more in a years time and he said hes always happy to discuss it but at the moment doesn't think or know if his mind will have changed.

I am feeling a bit scared about things today.

lilmissmup

Well things came to a head on this on Sunday night and on Monday night he left.

I guess theres other reasons why he went too, things could have been better between us and well I was trying to change things with us but he refuses to talk about things, saying no point this is it. Says he still loves me just can;t do this anymore.

Been communicating with him this week but things have turned strained due to the evils of facebook and him telling the world he is single! So taking a step back from him now.

He isn't moving his stuff out for about 2 weeks though.

I am looking at a house today to move out of here as can't stay here with all our memories, won't help me move on.

He has a lot of issues with depression and think this was just the icing on the cake maybe.

Thing is i fully expect him to be with a new girlfriend soon, hes at his mums right now and moving into a bedsit soon but he hasn't been single since he was 16 always been living with girlfriends, i have told him he needs to learn to be himself and see what he really wants inside but he just ignored those comments. :rolleyes:

Hope he doesn't get her pregnant hey! All though he still said to me he isn't saying never, still left me though

ailuro2

He's finally grown some and had the guts to admit he couldn't / didn't really want to give you what you wanted.

Sorry, but in the long run it's better it happened now, it could have been you left it till it was too late to have kids, as it is you're still young enough to start afresh, once you've had a bit of time to lick your wounds etc.

poet123

You must be quite sad now, the end of any relationship is a watershed, but try to stay positive and think of how much happier and content you will be in the long run, without the uncertainty and doubt hanging over you. Good luck!

Sweetpeanut

So sorry to hear your so upset, i myself was 30 when i had my 1st child, i'd been with my boyfriend (DH now) for 7yrs, we got a house after 4yrs together and my husband is one of those people who you cant rush, i remember saying to him if we were'nt married or trying for a baby by the time i was 30, we may aswell go our seperate ways. Luckily enough we got engaged xmas 2001, and i started planning the wedding january 02' we married in august 03' and talked about trying for a baby, BINGO 9th june 04' my daughter arrived and 2nd may 06 my 2nd daughter came, so if you think he will change his mind, work it out, if you think he won't, im sure you will find someone who shares your dreams. Sorry to be long winded, but i suppose what im trying to say is if i, had jus plodded along me and my DH would probably be sat here not married with no kids. But by taking the bull by the horns and telling him what i wanted he too realised that was what he wanted. I hope you can sort your problems out, good luck:D