Possibly splitting with OH over wanting children issue Update 25.07.09

poet123

Are you sure it is the baby issue that is the problem? Maybe he is worried about something else and cant deal with this right now. Is his job secure, is there illness in the family. Strange that he should just change his mind and become so adamant about not wanting a child when previously all was well.

smartpicture

When someone says they don't want a baby ever, sometimes what they mean is that they don't want a baby ever - with you.

Have you talked at all about what kind of parents you will be?

Has there been a decision (or assumption) that you will give up work when you have a baby, and he's worried about the responsibility because he thinks he's going to lose his job or something like that?

lilmissmup

We have spoken this afternoon and for now are going to see what happens. I got more out of him today he said he's scared that he might end up like his brother who only sees his kids every two weeks and that he isn't completely happy with our relationship although he does want to be with me so I suggested we just concentrate on us for now. I did ask him if it was just me that he didn't want a child with but he said no.

We don't have any other issued going on but as well as working on us I think he's a bit depressed so want to try and encourage him to do more things he likes.

ailuro2

Pee wrote: »

Don't be scared.

You know what you will have to do, and if you have to, you will.

Yes, and then you will hacve £550 a month to find for rent aswell as having a baby to look after on your own.

Don't even think about taking a pin to the Durex.:eek:

The_Banker_5

lilmissmup wrote: »

We have spoken this afternoon and for now are going to see what happens. I got more out of him today he said he's scared that he might end up like his brother who only sees his kids every two weeks and that he isn't completely happy with our relationship although he does want to be with me so I suggested we just concentrate on us for now. I did ask him if it was just me that he didn't want a child with but he said no.

We don't have any other issued going on but as well as working on us I think he's a bit depressed so want to try and encourage him to do more things he likes.

Do what my OH did to me.;)

She just stopped taking the pill without telling me.:rolleyes:

Twice.:eek::D

Glamazon

lilmissmup wrote: »

We have spoken this afternoon and for now are going to see what happens. I got more out of him today he said he's scared that he might end up like his brother who only sees his kids every two weeks and that he isn't completely happy with our relationship although he does want to be with me so I suggested we just concentrate on us for now. I did ask him if it was just me that he didn't want a child with but he said no.

We don't have any other issued going on but as well as working on us I think he's a bit depressed so want to try and encourage him to do more things he likes.

It sounds like he just wants things to carry on with just the 2 of u for now. You're only 25 - he might change his mind in a year or so.

My OH wanted kids for years - we got together at 17 and I was adamant that I wanted to wait until we both had good jobs and had bought our own house.
Cue May 2008 - bought house, both earning £25K each and I started to feel settled. By Dec 08 I told OH I wanted kids and he said 'Oh, I wasn't expecting that!' but agreed.

Our first child is due in September and I have just turned 26.

What I'm saying is I spent years saying I didn't want kids, my OH thought it was him but it was me. I come from a broken home and wanted to ensure that I had a stable environment in which to bring my children up. I have that now so am happy I am pregnant.

on this occasion I must say 'DON'T LISTEN TO THE_BANKER'

The_Banker_5

Glamazon wrote: »

on this occasion I must say 'DON'T LISTEN TO THE_BANKER'

Oi! I heard that.:D

Wait till your kids grow up and look at you like youre from another planet.:D

Glamazon

The_Banker wrote: »

Oi! I heard that.:D

Wait till your kids grow up and look at you like youre from another planet.:D

won't be any different to how people look at me now!!!!

Pssst

If you both are not absolutely 100% engaged with this relationship and dare i say,luvvdup,then the last thing you want to do is have a child. Its time for some raw and brutal honestly. You cant wait much longer and he sounds like hes unsure. He might think its the end of his life. No money,no more fun etc.

You MUST sort this out NOW and if it comes to the crunch,you need to think about leaving. Men will just plod on and plod on. I should know, I'm one of them.

lilmissmup

Defo would not lie about coming off the pill or putting a pin in a condom. Don't want to have an "accidental" baby and then he leaves me as its not what he wants. :rolleyes:

As I posted I think there is underlying issues, obviously I can't go into every conversation we have had here but its only the last month or so hes changed his mind and over the last six months we have had really nice conversations about names for children and him teaching baby guitar as thats one of his main loves.

We had a lovely evening last night, just lying in beds watching films and cuddling and I really just want to work on us for now, this "discussion" has probably helped us in a way.

I am hoping to have a "date" with him this weekend.

I do think that if we can get things better and once we have brought our house, settled in, saved more funds and grown up a bit we would probably have a child.