Shared Birthday party what to do about presents

galvanizersbaby

Janepig wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek: Nooooooo. Nothing would strike fear into my heart more than having to "make" a present!!! I have no imagination. I know some people are very talented in that respect (see the special occasions board!!) but I would think they're in the minority. Oh noooo <goes cold at the thought of an invitation saying "home made presents">. :rolleyes::D I'm afraid that would be one party invite we'd be turning down!

Jxx

I have now visions of allowing DS and DD to make create their own gifts
At after school club today they made a joint fathers day present for Daddy - it is plastic beaker with clingfilm covering the top containing some grass, dirt and what looks like a woodlouse they have named Jasper?!:eek:
I have left it outside the back door ready for them to give to him on Sunday - apparently he had plans to purchase a pet - not sure this was what he had in mind but it's the thought that counts

barnaby-bear

Rachel85 wrote: »

I agree with not over complicating things, however if you're concerned people may not be able to come because they can't afford a gift then I think the above is perfect. It doesn't tell people what they have to do, but makes it clear gifts (whether for one or both children) aren't compulsory!

In my experience the most hard up families are the proudest, those who don't claim everything they could etc, will go without to pay for the school trip rather than use the access fund, won't claim free school meals etc.... they'll probably still not go as it's such a pride issue, the phrase still implies optional.

jenhug

I would be tempted to put X and Y are saving up to sponsor a Donkey/zoo animal/rescue centre animal, a small cash donation towards this would be greatfully recieved.

aliasojo

Please don't take this the wrong way as I mean no ill will, but potential present recipient people should not have an opinion on the subject. You're not allowed. Dont mention presents at all, there's no need.

I know you mean well and my reply is a bit tongue in cheek but years ago the whole present thing was simple. You would buy a person a present, something you thought they'd like and something you could afford. Many an engagement party or wedding reception was graced by duplicate presents but that was life, at least you always had a spare. The recipients were always outwardly suitably grateful, regardless of whether they actually meant it or not.

Nowadays we have, 'here's my gift list' / ' we dont actually need anything but could we have money instead to help pay for the wedding' and 'everything's paid for but we could use a donation towards our holiday in the Seychelles'. Oh and by the way, we want you to wear x, y or z and you need to get it from here so we all match and you need to pay for it yourself. :rolleyes: There are dwindling numbers of people who still believe in 'it's the thought that counts'. Apparently these days it only counts if the gift suits you.

It's also started affecting children judging by this thread. So far you've had suggestions of.....boys buying boys / girls buying girls / a lucky dip affair / make your own :eek: (I'm with Janepig on that one :rolleyes:) and donkey sponsoring. A simple kids' party is turning into a pantomime because of adults over thinking things (with the best of intentions, granted...but overthinking nonetheless ).

Leave well alone. Those who want to buy will buy for who they want to. Those that don't or can't afford to, wont. I know you're trying be kind and to suit everyone but you cant so just let people find their own comfortable way of dealing with the present aspect.

Peakma

shop-to-drop wrote: »

I would say strictly no presents please. Couldn't be clearer and no need for anyone to feel embarrassed not bringing a present in fact the opposite.

oops I thanked instead of quoting!
Don't forget the joy of giving aswell as receiving ,my kids like helping to choose a gift for their friends,and the warpping etc is a build up to the party.
Personally,I've never considered not taking a present,this seems quite rude for some reason.
I budget about a fiver for a party pressie,unless its a special friend.But for a joint party I try to get something decent for £3.each.Otherwise it gets too pricey.but I must add when other kids have a joint party,I do appreciate that I'm getting two over in one go!
My Daughter is nearly 6 and it seems just about every other weekend someone has a party.The trend seems to be to have them at soft play centres 20-30 mins drive away.So I ends up taking a good portion of the weekend,I have to buy a pressy,I usualy pay for a coffee whilst I'm there,and quite honestly its a pain in the a*se! and quite an effort for me.In contrast,as far as throwing a party is concerned it's no effort for the host,they often dont even supply any food independantly,...

...Sorry it's late and I'm digressing!I just have a passionate dislike for "cop out parties(please dont think I'm refering to op or anyone else on the thread,it's just me late night rambling/ranting!) Am I the only peron left who goes to the huge effort of having parties at home,decorate the house and garden with streamers and balloons,organise loads of games/prizes/activities,cook everything from scratch,and do a good teddybears picnic style spread(hardly any even bother to bake their own cake these days), let the kids run riot,and have a ball,pull out all the fancy dress and musical instruments.It is hard work,but rewarding and it is easy for the parents of the guests...(I think they actualy think I do it as a cheaper option,and cant afford soft play centre fees,so wrong I probably spend more in total,and it is a big effort,but if you going to have a party,I think you should make a personal effort,and you shouldn't just cop out and make it a huge effort for everyone else).
Sorry for the rant!

peachyprice

Janepig wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek: Nooooooo. Nothing would strike fear into my heart more than having to "make" a present!!! I have no imagination. I know some people are very talented in that respect (see the special occasions board!!) but I would think they're in the minority. Oh noooo <goes cold at the thought of an invitation saying "home made presents">. :rolleyes::D I'm afraid that would be one party invite we'd be turning down!

Jxx

Oh I couldn't agree with you more, for me that would be toooo awful.

DaisyFlower

aliasojo wrote: »

Please don't take this the wrong way as I mean no ill will, but potential present recipient people should not have an opinion on the subject. You're not allowed. Dont mention presents at all, there's no need.

I know you mean well and my reply is a bit tongue in cheek but years ago the whole present thing was simple. You would buy a person a present, something you thought they'd like and something you could afford. Many an engagement party or wedding reception was graced by duplicate presents but that was life, at least you always had a spare. The recipients were always outwardly suitably grateful, regardless of whether they actually meant it or not.

Nowadays we have, 'here's my gift list' / ' we dont actually need anything but could we have money instead to help pay for the wedding' and 'everything's paid for but we could use a donation towards our holiday in the Seychelles'. Oh and by the way, we want you to wear x, y or z and you need to get it from here so we all match and you need to pay for it yourself. :rolleyes: There are dwindling numbers of people who still believe in 'it's the thought that counts'. Apparently these days it only counts if the gift suits you.

It's also started affecting children judging by this thread. So far you've had suggestions of.....boys buying boys / girls buying girls / a lucky dip affair / make your own :eek: (I'm with Janepig on that one :rolleyes:) and donkey sponsoring. A simple kids' party is turning into a pantomime because of adults over thinking things (with the best of intentions, ganted...but overthinking nonetheless ).

Leave well alone. Those who want to buy will buy for who they want to. Those that don't or can't afford to, wont. I know you're trying be kind and to suit everyone but you cant so just let people find their own comfortable way of dealing with the present aspect.

Well said :T

I wouldn't mention presents either, there is nothing worse than getting a nice invite and it being ruined by the mentioning of presents. I hate lists, requests for cash etc - the person invited should chooses to purchase a gift if they want to rather than be told x,y and z.

My little one loves choosing his party presents for his friends and helping to wrap them - its part of the fun of the event.

Personally, i'd buy for both and wouldnt think anything of it.

If you end up with any dupes/unwanted gifts you can donate them to the next school fair so that the school and children benefit.

Nenen

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I have now visions of allowing DS and DD to make create their own gifts
At after school club today they made a joint fathers day present for Daddy - it is plastic beaker with clingfilm covering the top containing some grass, dirt and what looks like a woodlouse they have named Jasper?!:eek:
I have left it outside the back door ready for them to give to him on Sunday - apparently he had plans to purchase a pet - not sure this was what he had in mind but it's the thought that counts

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I cried with laughter reading your post... it made a brilliant start to my day and made me remember what I love most about working with children! Thank you:beer:
PS I do hope your dh likes his new pet and takes good care of Jasper... perhaps you could persuade him to join woodlouse training classes or a breed society! For his birthday I think your children should make dad a grooming and feeding set!:D

Nenen

aliasojo wrote: »

Please don't take this the wrong way as I mean no ill will, but potential present recipient people should not have an opinion on the subject. You're not allowed. Dont mention presents at all, there's no need.

I know you mean well and my reply is a bit tongue in cheek but years ago the whole present thing was simple. You would buy a person a present, something you thought they'd like and something you could afford. Many an engagement party or wedding reception was graced by duplicate presents but that was life, at least you always had a spare. The recipients were always outwardly suitably grateful, regardless of whether they actually meant it or not.

Nowadays we have, 'here's my gift list' / ' we dont actually need anything but could we have money instead to help pay for the wedding' and 'everything's paid for but we could use a donation towards our holiday in the Seychelles'. Oh and by the way, we want you to wear x, y or z and you need to get it from here so we all match and you need to pay for it yourself. :rolleyes: There are dwindling numbers of people who still believe in 'it's the thought that counts'. Apparently these days it only counts if the gift suits you.

It's also started affecting children judging by this thread. So far you've had suggestions of.....boys buying boys / girls buying girls / a lucky dip affair / make your own :eek: (I'm with Janepig on that one :rolleyes:) and donkey sponsoring. A simple kids' party is turning into a pantomime because of adults over thinking things (with the best of intentions, ganted...but overthinking nonetheless ).

Leave well alone. Those who want to buy will buy for who they want to. Those that don't or can't afford to, wont. I know you're trying be kind and to suit everyone but you cant so just let people find their own comfortable way of dealing with the present aspect.

I couldn't agree more! Brilliant post and very sensitively worded. :beer: The worst example of wedding present lists I have ever seen was a wedding invite to a dear friend of mine in her 60s who had been the family cleaner/housekeeper for 30+ years on minimum wage (she was a carer for her disabled mother too so this was one of the few jobs she could do locally). She is a very proud lady, won't except help from anyone or even apply for benefits etc and is poor as the proverbial church mouse. Her invite to her employer's son's wedding came with a letter specifying they didn't want presents but would like guests to 'sponsor' 'extras' for the honeymoon trip (6 weeks of travel, cruising, etc) like helicopter rides, massages on the beach, white water rafting experiences etc etc etc. There was nothing on the list for less than £80!!!!!! This was despite the fact that she has never been abroad herself in her life and had known the son (and often looked after him) since the day he was born. This family knew her situation, relied on herr for loads of things, yet still gave her the stupid list!

The ridiculous thing is that my friend is brilliant at all sorts of crafts, emboridery (has created some stunning wedding samplers) or creating pictures by drying and pressing flowers from wedding bouquets. They really are beautiful as she mounts and frames them too. It would cost a fortune to get something like that done professionally so they did themselves out of a wonderful and unique gift because she turned down the invite as she couldn't afford the presents being 'demanded'. Sorry for OT rant but it really made my blood boil to see her so upset over it.

oystercatcher

Peakma wrote: »

I just have a passionate dislike for "cop out parties

My kids had cop out parties because at the time I was suffering from depression. There's no way I had the physical or mental energy to rush around doing all that stuff but I still wanted my kids to have some fun and enjoy themselves. I also found having to go and buy presents for other children quite stressful, not a financial problem just more hassle I didn't need. I'm sure there's loads of Mums who are just the same now.

To my mind saying "no presents but if you must then [option]" implies that you DO really want a present. People will feel they have to do whatever the option is.
I would go for the STRICTLY NO PRESENTS rule maybe add a note to say you will be giving them back if people try.