First time living with BF...advice needed!

barnaby-bear

MissShoes wrote: »

barnaby-bear wrote: »

The £75 for his grandfather - really if as a couple your joint priorities couldn't do this wouldn't look good for the future as a unit - what if you got sick? QUOTE]

Can't read this right- what do you mean?

Shoes xx

I editted it because as soon as I typed - realised too fast typing errors - I meant honestly would you really want a bloke who'd deprive an elderly impoverished close family member of medical care for £75. If as a unit putting your joint family as a high priority is the done thing surely that's a good sign.

MissShoes

barnaby-bear wrote: »

MissShoes wrote: »

I editted it because as soon as I typed - realised too fast typing errors - I meant honestly would you really want a bloke who'd deprive an elderly impoverished close family member of medical care for £75. If as a unit putting your joint family as a high priority is the done thing surely that's a good sign.

Ah, sorry- my eyes are very sleepy! I know, it's a quality I really admire.

barnaby-bear

MissShoes wrote: »

barnaby-bear wrote: »

Ah, sorry- my eyes are very sleepy! I know, it's a quality I really admire.

If you were a SAHM on here, complaining your hubby insisted you pay x% of the bills and he earned 4 times as much and you were on statutory maternity pay - he'd be shot down in flames.... it's not nice being the low paid OH if you are actively trying to work and the jobs have evaporated. All these scenarios can seem wrong to outsiders and sometimes those on the inside fool themselves when it is wrong. Perhaps work out how much extra his living with actually costs as opposed to living alone, then work out if split equally and fuddle your way through what's fair and what's a long term investment in you as a couple. I have a mate so mean he drove his lovely girlfriend away and still complains living alone expensive.

injaroc

There's been time when my OH has worked and I havent, when I worked and my Oh didnt, when we both worked and when we both didnt work lol.

It all just naturally happened that all our money got pooled and paid all the bills, food etc and if we had money left over we would both spend it as we saw fit. We dont feel the need to tell each other what we're spending unless its a big purchase (lol i say big i mean over about £10 - that's a lot of money to us atm)

I feel if you've moved in together and he isnt just a lodger you need to sit down and have a talk about it together until you both agree on what is fair. Different ways will work for different people and if the way you choose isnt working just sit down talk and choose another way.

Hope it all works out for you xx

MissShoes

Thanks Injaroc for the advice. Can't wait to just find out his wages, work out take home then have the chat and get it over and done with.

Shoes xx

rosered1963

Hey Miss Shoes! :hello:

It's Rosered here from Blondie thread.

You've had some very interesting comments here!

I'll just add my input babe!

1. It's good policy to keep separate bank accounts I think - you could even set up a budget account later for you both to pay into for bills. I personally wouldn't put utilities in joint names just yet.

2. Different food - me and my younghusband eat different food - I'm a chubby veggie and he's a thin meat eater! Don't worry - it will iron itself out.

3. 60-40 sounds about right - when he starts earning a decent wage, you can sit down and work out what's what - including taking into account contribution to his child.

4. Can I just say babe that it strikes me that you are both totally in love (also from what I know of you from other thread etc) and that he doesn't sound to me like he's going to take the p*** from what you've said.

When my husband (then boyfriend) moved in with me, I had a top job. He had debts and a low paid job. We sat down and talked it through. He said as he wasn't used to handling money, he would prefer me to take care of the household accounts if that was ok by me. I agreed to do it. First decision made. I earned so much more than him that I didn't expect him to pay 50/50. He went out for the occasional pint with his friends - as you say - fine by me. Now, ten years later, despite friends telling me that it wouldn't work, we were too different, I earned more, we would want different things etc, it's all worked out great, and we are married.

More interestingly, things are now the opposite: I am now the one without a job, pulling in virtually nothing, and for months we have been living on his wage - he has no money at all left for himself but he doesn't mind - really! Circumstances change, and your man sounds like once he gets settled, he will be a hard worker. My advice is to talk to him about this like you talk to him about other things. You have love which will take you far - just keep talking - about everything, including money. XXX

diable

MissShoes do you love him and does he love you you? Sometimes you need to run a risk and go on gut instinct but at the same time do not become complacent or blinded.

MissShoes

rosered1963 wrote: »

Hey Miss Shoes! :hello:

It's Rosered here from Blondie thread.

You've had some very interesting comments here!

I'll just add my input babe!

1. It's good policy to keep separate bank accounts I think - you could even set up a budget account later for you both to pay into for bills. I personally wouldn't put utilities in joint names just yet.

2. Different food - me and my younghusband eat different food - I'm a chubby veggie and he's a thin meat eater! Don't worry - it will iron itself out.

3. 60-40 sounds about right - when he starts earning a decent wage, you can sit down and work out what's what - including taking into account contribution to his child.

4. Can I just say babe that it strikes me that you are both totally in love (also from what I know of you from other thread etc) and that he doesn't sound to me like he's going to take the p*** from what you've said.

When my husband (then boyfriend) moved in with me, I had a top job. He had debts and a low paid job. We sat down and talked it through. He said as he wasn't used to handling money, he would prefer me to take care of the household accounts if that was ok by me. I agreed to do it. First decision made. I earned so much more than him that I didn't expect him to pay 50/50. He went out for the occasional pint with his friends - as you say - fine by me. Now, ten years later, despite friends telling me that it wouldn't work, we were too different, I earned more, we would want different things etc, it's all worked out great, and we are married.

More interestingly, things are now the opposite: I am now the one without a job, pulling in virtually nothing, and for months we have been living on his wage - he has no money at all left for himself but he doesn't mind - really! Circumstances change, and your man sounds like once he gets settled, he will be a hard worker. My advice is to talk to him about this like you talk to him about other things. You have love which will take you far - just keep talking - about everything, including money. XXX

Thank you hun xx

Julie_S247

BallandChain wrote: »

Just to say welcome Julie! Don't be put off by some of the other posters.

Cheers ! :beer:

MissShoes

diable wrote: »

MissShoes do you love him and does he love you you? Sometimes you need to run a risk and go on gut instinct but at the same time do not become complacent or blinded.

Yes I love him very much. Yes he loves me very much. I am going on my gut but remaining cautious! Thanks diable x