First time living with BF...advice needed!

MissShoes

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Hope this isn't calling the kettle black (since I'm a Newbie too) but as a first post Julie S247 has been extremely harsh and critical of your relationship. Are you sure you don't know her Misshoes - seems as if she is on a mission to split you two up!

Hmm my sentiments exactly. Very critical and not constructive. I addressed the wrong assumptions!!!

No, I don't know them and they don't know me!

Not helpful

SailorSam

I suppose a lot of it must just be getting use to someone when before you had your private space. i'd imagine until you are more use to each other living with anyone is hard, you need to adjust.
I live alone, and although i'd like to meet someone i'm very hesitant, maybe you get selfish wanting everything your own way?

Dinah93

This seems to be a very complicated system to be honest with you, why can't you just sit down together and work out what seems fair? You telling him what to pay sets a precident, you sitting down with a household expenses spreadsheet and saying how you see it and inviting him to contribute is an equal partnership.

Julie_S247

MissShoes, I am truely sorry if I upset you. The written word can so often be misinterpreted. I gave my opinion to your post as I related to it. That is all. I do not know you, and if you are as solid as you say you are, I'm sure you can talk freely about the concerns you have, but by coming on here I thought you were seeking opinions and advice. There will be no one definitive answer.

I am pleased he supports his daughter, that is encouraging.

All the best.

Julie_S247

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Hope this isn't calling the kettle black (since I'm a Newbie too) but as a first post Julie S247 has been extremely harsh and critical of your relationship. Are you sure you don't know her Misshoes - seems as if she is on a mission to split you two up!

MrsAnnie I don't want to get into a war of words with anyone, and definately not split anyone up, but MissShoes is living with someone for the the first time, they are in the honeymoon period, he is bringing in £60 a week and from that he's financially supporting his daughter, is going out until 3am several nights a week and his phone bill and other sundries. This IMO doesn't paint a very equal partnership and the fact that MissShoes has come on here seeking advice about finances and equality lead me to believe there are bigger issues here, Which MissShoes strongly deny's, so thats Ok. No malice was intent in my post, so please leave it there. I have apologised for any hurt caused, but I am still entitled to my opinion, and still recomend 'the rules' book before considering moving in with a guy.

All the best

PS, as a fellow newbie, what does this 'thank' malarky mean? that someone agrees with your post or found some of its content useful?

BallandChain

The thanks can be used if someone finds your post useful, if they agree, if they found it entertaining or funny given the circumstances.

MrsAnnie

Julie_S247 wrote: »

MrsAnnie I don't want to get into a war of words with anyone, and definately not split anyone up, but MissShoes is living with someone for the the first time, they are in the honeymoon period, he is bringing in £60 a week and from that he's financially supporting his daughter, is going out until 3am several nights a week and his phone bill and other sundries. This IMO doesn't paint a very equal partnership and the fact that MissShoes has come on here seeking advice about finances and equality lead me to believe there are bigger issues here, Which MissShoes strongly deny's, so thats Ok. No malice was intent in my post, so please leave it there. I have apologised for any hurt caused, but I am still entitled to my opinion, and still recomend 'the rules' book before considering moving in with a guy.

All the best

PS, as a fellow newbie, what does this 'thank' malarky mean? that someone agrees with your post or found some of its content useful?

The OP was asking about the financial aspect of her relationship and I thought it was odd that you gave you opinion on trust, kids, marriage, religious and cultural views, travel & returning to his homeland, child support and 'milking her kind nature' and distancing herself from him. Your post seemed a bit too familiar, slightly off topic as to the advice MissShoes originally asked for and IMO, very very critical . We are not here to judge OP moving in with the guy and where she should marry him, just helping her figure out how to split, juggle finances - I may be wrong though:D.

Julie_S247

MrsAnnie wrote: »

The OP was asking about the financial aspect of her relationship and I thought it was odd that you gave you opinion on trust, kids, marriage, religious and cultural views, travel & returning to his homeland, child support and 'milking her kind nature' and distancing herself from him. Your post seemed a bit too familiar, slightly off topic as to the advice MissShoes originally asked for and IMO, very very critical . We are not here to judge OP moving in with the guy and where she should marry him, just helping her figure out how to split, juggle finances - I may be wrong though:D.

Fair enough, we all interpret things differently, and it was MissShoes who brought up -

Their different lifestyles saying that 'none of these things are make or break things - hope not' or words to that effect.

She also brought up the fact that he socialises several nights a week until the early hours leaving her at home.

She then went on to say ' Now he doesn't earn anything more than paying for his travel, phone etc- what should I reasonably contribute towards as his girlfriend? I find it difficult to find what is normal/expected- should I be contributing at all?'

From things like this I have interpretted her request for feedback as something different to you. I have offered my opinion from my life experience and suggested a book to her which she can take on board or dismiss as she wishes.

You on the other hand have merely critcised me as you don't agree with me yet offered nothing to MissShoes yourself. On any internet forum people will have to agree to disagree. Lets leave it there.

MrsAnnie

Julie_S247 wrote: »

You on the other hand have merely critcised me as you don't agree with me yet offered nothing to MissShoes yourself.

All 5 of your posts on MSE have been on this thread - seems odds. I will not hijack OP thread for bickering. End of.

Julie_S247

MrsAnnie wrote: »

All 5 of your posts on MSE have been on this thread - seems odds.

Why?

I joined today, looking for advice on a problem with BT / Direct Debit Guarantee Schemes I've read other parts of the forum which have been helpful, but not needed to post as yet.

I stumbled across this thread by accident, and felt compelled to answer it, as I could relate to it and felt I had something to contribute. Several people have 'thanked' my post so it has been of use to some people. MissShoes can take it onboard or dismiss it as she wishes.

What is your problem? Why do I have to justify myself to you? You hijacked this thread when you said -

Hope this isn't calling the kettle black (since I'm a Newbie too) but as a first post Julie S247 has been extremely harsh and critical of your relationship. Are you sure you don't know her Misshoes - seems as if she is on a mission to split you two up!

It seems you are the one on a mission to have a pop at a newbie despite me saying I'm not on here for a war of words, lets agree to disagree, there'll be no definitive correct answer, and lets leave it there




So, lets get this thread back on track, what would your opinion or advice be to MissShoes? If my post is so way out, what else do people think?