Ok whats the secret?

Dex

Hi All,

I've got to be honest I've found this thread very interesting, currently I work in computers and have a degree and a masters (guessing thats not menial:rolleyes: - however I work with people who have neither and are more than capable of doing their jobs). My partner of 7 years is in the army and I own a house(mortgaged) near my job. When I marry my partner and we have children we have said that I will rent out my house and move to married accomodation so that he can be around the kids as much as possible, I have said that I will not work until they go to school, then I plan to re-train as a teacher, as I feel that this will be a good job to fit in with my children, I am not stupid, but I do believe in giving my kids the best start I can and Im hoping that I will be in the lucky position to do that.

If you are able to stay at home and you want to, do it. If you can't and you have to or want to work then do that, as others have said each and every person is different and their circumstances are all different... who are we to judge anyone?

sharnad

MyLastFiver wrote: »

Sorry I haven't read through all of this thread, just the OP, but I detect a bit of the green-eyed monster here.

My missus stays at home with the baby, because we believe it's the right thing to do. We are not on a benefit fiddle, and we do not fund our lifestyle with debt (although we are still paying off debts from our younger and stupider days).

The secret? There isn't one really.

I earn £43000 a year.
We live in a modest but roomy 4-storey 3-bed house in a pretty town in the north of England.
We have a £100000 mortgage.
I drive a £1000 car.
We spend our holidays in Wales or the English seaside.
We have a nice kitchen and bathroom but I did the work myself.
We do have new furniture but bought in the Ikea sale :-)
We have a crappy old telly and see no reason to upgrade to a flat-back one.
I have a beer at the weekend, but £5 for 4 cans from the offie, rather than £2.50 a pint in the pub.

blah blah blah

Apart from the 1000 car and the baby my boyfriend could have wrote that

I have managed him to branch out a bit and go abroad once or twice but he just prefers england

dizzybuff

Okay Im ready to get my head bit off on this one

Both my husband and I work and our son is in childcare ( As much as it pains me to take him ) We still cant afford things for ourselves

I have recently had to move my child to more expensive child care closer to home , yet we will not recive any help at all from the government .

Although this means I can get public transport to work and the childminder is all inclusive this still leaves us buying essentials only .

I will not use the car ( Husband has to commute 40 miles each way ) and yet we still dont get any help.

Because I go to work (not out of choice but essentiality) I get discriminated against .

I am disabled yet do not qualify for benefits

It pains me to say I am jealous of stay at home mums and have no function to go part time at work..

This year we will be worse off .. However the move of our son to new childcare was essential so he gets the best care anyone else other than his parents could give him ... The childminder is great , her house is fabulous.

I love my son , but not going to work is not an option for me , if I am to provide him with everything he needs on a daily basis.

I will recycle , but charity , eat value basics and be as self efficient as i can in order to provide him with a good quality of life.

My husband wants to go self employed but that will have to wait.

I want to stay at home but I can't.

And I feel so bad for it , yet because I work , i get penalised by getting 40 quid a month towards childcare...

Kathie

MyLastFiver

dizzybuff wrote: »

we will not recive any help at all from the government .

getting 40 quid a month towards childcare...

because I work , i get penalised

I do sympathize but this rant is a bit incoherent. You say you don't claim any benefits but then say you get money towards childcare costs.

We can't always have everything we want. You want to stay at home and look after your child, but you can't afford it because your husband doesn't earn enough. I fail to see what this has to do with being discriminated against.

sausageface

Hello all, this is an interesting introduction to the DFWB board for me

Tax credits seem to have taken some hammering on here so far but I am sincerely grateful they are there. Tax credits have enabled me to live a normal life, not on the poverty line...

Over a year ago my relationship with my (3) childrens' father broke down. I am a legal secretary with a take home pay of approx. £900 per month for 26 hours work. An okay salary for someone technically "uneducated" but not quite graduate level pay for all you qualification nuts out there.

My former partner had to fund his own new home, where he could take the children and it would be like a home to them. Maintenance during this time was sparce and is because he could not afford vast amounts at all (believe me; I know the condition of his finances) but, to me, the childrens' continuing happy relationship with their dad and a home they could share with him was more important than money he was giving me. He does buy them things but running a home on his one person salary is hard for him.

Tax credits (Working and Child) gave me the ability to let this happen. Who can run a home i.e. rent/mortgage, utilities, food, clothing, childcare - working four days, children going to nursery two days and after school club ; with Grandparents the other 2 days but still childcare fees of £150ish a week) on £900 a month? If it were not for WTC/CTC I would be the next single mum on benefits who the exact people moaning about this would also moan about (and I do NOT hold anything against single/SAHM mums; just making a point to the people who hold CTC/WTC in such low regard)

I honestly believe that my tax credits have given me the ability to survive on my own with the children, to spend time with them but also to instil in them a 'good work ethic'.

I genuinely think tax credits are there for the people who need them. When I was with my former partner, we were not entitled to very much even though we were both low/middle earners. If you do not work, the tax credits do not amount to much either as you obviously cannot claim the WTC part so people who are arguing that 'such and such gets £*** a week for blah blah' cannot really argue this as it is per child (CTC) and basically a minimalish(?) amount; the people who get a larger amount of total tax credits are the people who work and pay childcare fees; even then not all, only up to 80%.

Hope this makes sense as I am having a little drinky because my beautiful, all wanted and adored (if not quite financially viable) children are with their Dad tonight!

xxx:money:

(sorry I just love to see Martin spinning around )

vuittondreamer

hypno06 wrote: »

Harsh.....

Your signature says that your Mum and Dad gave you an interest free loan - if your figures are current, that is the best part of £30k that your mum and dad have handed over to you.

What if you had no debt, no job, and your Mum and Dad handed £30k over to you......to do with as you wished? You would then be one of those who you are currently betting on as being on the fiddle.....

No Sorry I wouldn't, My debt came through Ill health, and i never asked my Parents to help, they insisted. I have never claimed for a thing, and even when i was out of work (not for very long, mind you, i never signed on, i chose to carry on my search for work. I am of the philosophy you only reap what you sew. May sound silly to you, but we all pay in the end it's the same as dodgy insurance claiming cannot bring my self to do it.

benbenandme

Originally Posted by skcollobcat10
You will find that the mums who stay at home have either no qualifications and just do menial jobs on minimum wage. This government makes it that way, you can be qualified, have a degree and the other types just breed kids and get tax credits

Gosh what an ignorant post :mad: :mad: :mad: Was your mother a qualified one with a degree or one of "the other types" as you so eloquently put it? :rolleyes: She must be so proud of you ...

RAS

If you live in some areas with no after-school provision and no child care facilities within miles and your partner earns a decent salary, it is VERY unlikely you will be able to earn enough to cover the costs of childcare even if you have a degree or two. And if you can, the kids can say bye bye to any activities like music, sports or brownies because there is no-one to transport them.

IT took one SAHM I know several years to find a job that would fit round the rest of the family committments, not least because OH had to travel for work and could not commit to drop off or pick the kids up any time. It is not a "graduate" job but she is glad to get back in the workplace.

hypno06

vuittondreamer wrote: »

No Sorry I wouldn't, My debt came through Ill health, and i never asked my Parents to help, they insisted. I have never claimed for a thing, and even when i was out of work (not for very long, mind you, i never signed on, i chose to carry on my search for work. I am of the philosophy you only reap what you sew. May sound silly to you, but we all pay in the end it's the same as dodgy insurance claiming cannot bring my self to do it.

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. You are lucky enough that your parents are in a position to help you out, whether you asked them to or not is irrelevant, and in my original post I did not ever say that you asked them for help, just that you had received it. What if, and it is only a "what if" your parents gifted you that same lump sum, without you needing it to repay debt. What if they just decided to give their offspring their inheritance early, or something like that?

At that point, you would be in a position, if you chose to be where you could spend that money on things that other people would possibly look at and think "he/she must be on the fiddle if they can afford holidays/furniture/cars etc".

I didn't say that you DO claim benefits, or that you SHOULD claim benefits....only that you have been the recipient of a lump sum from other means - and if you have, then it is quite possible that some of those others that in your original post you slated as being on the fiddle might have been lucky enough to receive similar amounts from helpful parents.

And for the record, neither me nor my husband have ever claimed benefits either. We both work full time and then some. My husband could decide not to work due to arthritis, but instead, and in order to claw our way out of debt, he works three jobs. I was not critical of why you have your money, or how you get your money, I was merely commenting on your assumptions.

People will judge all they like, but at the end of the day, only the person you are judging will know the truth.

Miss_J

I'm in debt partly through my own stupidity (wanting the things I couldn't afford) and partly through studying for 3 years for a degree I completed last summer.

I'm now one of those graduate boffins (with a 1st class honours degree) who should technically be in a higher pay bracket, but I'm not because I work for the NHS. However I am much happier with my lot, finally I am working in a rewarding job, whilst badly paid provides me with many more rewards than money itself could bring. I work long hours (13 hour shift) which whilst knackering mean I get to spend more qualify time with my kids.

Many people thought I was mad to give up a well paid job (myself included) to go and study to work in a job that would never provide huge financial rewards but I hope that my kids will see that there is more to life than material goods and to enter a career where helping others can be hugely rewarding instead.

Like I say some of my debt is due to my own stupidity, I've learnt my lesson and am now working to pay it all off. In a couple of years my life should be just the way I want it, working in a rewarding career, spending quality time with my family and living debt free.