Ok whats the secret?

andrina_nightshade

Pobby wrote: »

So many have been conned by the want it all culture. Humph, total ruibbish tat will lead to unhappiness.

:T Like *Vikki*, I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiments.

Debtoxing

I don't think it's wanting "things" per se that causes unhappiness - it's wanting more things than you can afford. I'm perfectly happy with the things I have accrued. I'd love more things, but now I'm going to save for them instead of using other people's money to pay for it. Everyone needs their dreams, else what is life for?

Incidentally we have a 14-year-old television and always keep our second-hand cars until they blow up. What's so special about that? Yes, living modestly is the wise and sensible way to live if you only have modest means, and kudos to you for that. But if a million pounds fell into your lap, would you live the same way? Or would you be buying "things" for yourself? Or your family? Your friends? Or donating it to charity so that they can buy "things" instead of you? There is nothing intrinsically wrong with having or wanting "things" - in fact, producing those "things" gives millions of people gainful employment!

L.
x

frenchconnection200

I'd like to apologise to anyone I've offended on this thread, in reality I'm a completely passive person whose motto in life is ''live and let live''. I'm totally ashamed that my online persona is someone who is getting into a stupid, petty argument with nameless, faceless people over something that I'm not even bothered about.

Consequently Frenchconnection200 is being chained in a dungeon and will no longer even lurk on this forum (well until December when I tell Sue-UU how my sealed pot challenge has gone.)

Au revoir.......:silenced:

Buffythedebtslayer

Frenchconnection - that's a lovely post, although it really isn't neccessary to ban yourself, you didn't say anything terrible.


I work two jobs and no one in my life knows about my debt (it feels like a disease!) everyone thinks I am really well off and I am in the sense that I get paid good money, but it is mostly going on the debt (which is going down so its all good). I have nothing to show for the debt it was all waste and pointless short term thinking.

I know it sounds a bit nuts but I think we are all on our own path and dont gain anything by comparision. I did and still do occasionally compare myself to my friends (all home owning married with kids I am the total opposite) and all it does is make me feel bad.

I don't know how some people seem to have so much, but I am trying not to care.

System

I think looking at myself anyway 99% of the time I am pretty content with what I have in life, Just the odd time you look at others and get a bit !!!!!! off with the situation, I think its at times like that I need to remind myself things are not always as they seem as I'm sure pleanty of millionaires with bad heath have said.

EssexHebridean

MyLastFiver wrote: »

Interesting how you lump having kids in with big TVs and holidays. They are not consumer items.

Oh, stop whinging. As this thread has established, lots of people can afford to stay home with they kids (including my wife) because their partners support them on one income.

And are you really that mean that you would begrudge people getting Working Family Tax Credit? Are you really suggesting that all new mothers should be forced to go to work, so all children should be brought up by strangers in nurseries? Listen to yourself.

Some people on this thread should show a little more human spirit and a little less spiteful, petty jealousy.

No - kids aren't consumer items - however having kids IS a lifestyle choice these days, and I think an awful lot of people lose sight of that. It is a CHOICE for people in this country to have kids, or not have kids - birth control is a marvellous thing which has given people the luxury of that choice - however the number of people who give the impression that just because they DO have kids they have some sort of right over those who don't seems to be ever increasing.

I have no problem with people claiming what they are rightfully entitled to. Bully for them - if they're playing within the rules and those rules claim they can be paid £xxx per week then that's just the way it is. (The question of whether those benefits are correct in either aplication or amount is another question entirely, and here is not the place to debate that. )Those who are working cash-in-hand or claiming benefits they are not entitled to however are a different story - and I would imagine most of us feel the same about them.

I have to say I agree with those who've said that really focusing on what you imagine others have over and above what you have yourself is a short cut to an unhappy time. It's all hypothesis anyway - you don't actually have a clue about these people's lives - it's all based on perception and conclusion anyway. Live your life within your means, in a way that makes you as happy as possible.

jollymummy

Just to throw this thread on it's head a bit. I'm a SAHM that does a bit of part time work at my local college which is seasonal. I have 1 son, my DH works full time, we are just getting by, yes we go on holiday in the UK every year. However, we don't have new clothes (DS does), we have a years old tv - not flat screen. Don't drink, smoke or go out. This is because we both wanted me to stay at home with DS until he started school, which he will soon.
However my sister and hubby earn a LOT of money, NO mortgage, 1 child they both work long hours, have a nanny, cleaner, gardener etc, go out for meals a lot go on 3 - 4 holidays a year and go out as a family most weeend. They have a lot of debt, their overdraft is 25k and they have told us they live beyond their means. I think it's all about what your priorities are. The only help we get are tax credits and child benefit, but that's ok as it was our choice to have a child. I can honestly say we've never been as skint as we are now, but after years having trying for a family, we've never been as happy as we are now.
I guess it's a case of different strokes for different folks.

charley24

nirelandguy wrote: »

I'm on a day of today, and I have noticed one thing, the amount of women around here who stay at home to look after the children while there partners work.

I live in a working class area, people around here are not doctors/lawyers etc, they are builders/factory workers and the likes.

Yet they all seem to go away reguarly on little breaks, have nice cars, the best clothes, have nights out, some don't even work and go on holidays and have the best of everything. I watched people across the street move in about a month ago, a mother, daughter and grand daughter, none seem to work, yet in the space of a month we have seen new sofa's, house painted, electronic deliveries,not bad for people that don't work.

My OH works, I work yet we can't afford a night in a B&B, and its all well and good saying "Aw they are in debt to the eyes" is the entire street in debt to the eyes? I doubt it, and besides the unemployed can't get credit.

I was just wondering what the secret was, do you know? Someone obviously forgot to tell us as we both work, probably the only couple in the street that do yet we are the worst off and going no where fast.

I can't even say they are pretending to live by themselves and claim benefits for single parents or whatever as we are the only ones who rent, the rest all own, the mind boggles.

I could extend this to work and my own family and they are all not in debt and not really any better of than us salary wise but yet money is no object.

SO WHATS THE SECRET??? GO ON YOU CAN TELL ME

Hi Nire, Well I have a neighbour, she has just had her 5th child (she hasn't worked for over a year) and has a husband who is working 'on the fiddle'. I presume the council pays her rent/ctax etc and she gets quite a lot in benefits. At Xmas she bought her 2 sons and a daughter Laptops EACH !!!!!!! I was shocked as the ones she purchased were at least £400 per piece.

Now my husband and I on the other hand, he works full time, I work 28 hours per week, we pay full rent, ctax, and get NOTHING, not even family credit (was £10.57 per week but we have been 'overpayed this year so nothing til 2010), pay £250 in childcare each month and blooming well work hard for everything we have. We have a 28 inch old style tv, they have a 48 inch plasma !

And no, my children don't have LAPTOPS !

charley24

Just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with women who stay at home and have children when their husband supports them, my husband did this for 1 year when my eldest was young. I returned to work 2 years after my second and have gradually increased my hours.

When my husband was at college when we were younger (he was 18 and I was 24 when we met) I earned the wage and supported him, so we are in this together.

However on the subject of children, we have 2 children (no 2 was a happy accident - and no I never used to believe people who said they fell pregnant while on the pill until it happened to me and I was devastated at first - DD2 born premature and you can imagine the guilt I had over that) !

Anyways I digress, I would have liked to have more children, but I do not want to make our financial situation worse, we can manage (are on a DMP) and we are clearing our debts by hard work and determination. Unfortunately another child would hinder that and therefore we are happy with our 2 !!!!

I just wanted to say also that our financial problems were due to DD2 being premature, I was unable to return to my job as she was in SCBU for months and when she came home I felt I needed to be with her as I could only trust myself to care for her as she had been through a terrible time.

I now have a good job and stability, something that could all go to pot again should I have had another child (I have crap placentas as my hubby likes to say) !

CX

JoolzS

CashRequired wrote: »

I currently drive a £300 quid car which i got off ebay. It frustrates me when i see people younger than me driving really nice brand new sporty cars (im 24). Although obviously if a young person has earnt it, thats completely fair. Just gets me down :)

Don't feel down because someone younger than you drives a brand new sporty car - just feel sad for them because no-one taught them how to look after their money. My nephew has recently passed his test and was going to spend around £3000 on a very nice car (with ridiculous insurance). My DH (his uncle) showed him our £300 Punto and explained that nearly every new driver has an accident in h/ir first year. Nephew has now bought a Punto (for less than £1000) and probably saved himself about the same on his insurance. If he does follow the pattern and have an accident then he's going to be so grateful that he didn't spend too much money. If he's lucky and avoids that statistic then he's going to have one year's no claims and a good, cheap to run car.

I used to work with a girl who was incredibly pleased with her new, bought on credit, sporty car (I honestly can't remember what it was). Being the sensible person I am I asked her if she had fully comp insurance - she hadn't. She had absolutely no idea that if she was involved in an accident that *was* her fault and her car was written off she would still owe every single penny she had borrowed on the car. This incident was over 20 years ago. Now money has gotten even easier to borrow I'm sure that most people don't know how easily the castle they have built around them with objects bought on credit can fall down.

Julie