Needs must when the devil vomits into your kettle! Bob's cunning plan mark 2

boredofbeingathome

In_Search_Of_Me wrote: »

good...ots of suggestions...re mine and the councelling I wasnt suggestin it for both of you but for bob alone...but also agree that it needs to be the right time and with emotional strength to do it. My reasoning was that it helps to have someone challenge you on feelings/perceptions etc and by taking a step back maybethings would look/feel different...the risk being that maybe they wouldnt though lol!
huge hugs for you though...sounds like a v. difficult time for you...here if I can help in any way:)

I appreciate that ISOM, i did think about it as you know.

But i have got Z to challenge me on the feelings/perception front as well:rotfl:
He does have a good way of nailing the crux of the problem.:think:

ZTD

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

Maybe i am clinging onto things Z. You are of course right and he has said in the past that he would do that. But talk and action are two different kinds of things.

Do you think there is the possibility he is dragging you deeper into debt in order to ensure you stay?

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

Which is i suppose one of the reasons why i am angry and disappointed. Mostly at myself i might add as well.

Anger is not productive. Determine your situation, determine where you want to be, determine the tools you have to get you there and determine the obstacles that are in your way.

A solution will present itself.

If all else fails - Sally has a spade...

In_Search_Of_Me

oh gotta laugh! Also interesting to think of the have debt=mrs bob will stay....cunning! I obviously have the wrong mind!
Bottom line...different for all of us and only you know your own bottom line me lovely. If a break would help theres always a spare bed here for you...plus v nce new shopping entre where we coud go and tutt and say "how much" plus wine to consume...

boredofbeingathome

ZTD wrote: »

Do you think there is the possibility he is dragging you deeper into debt in order to ensure you stay?

I was going to write that, the short answer is Yes i do think that

Anger is not productive. Determine your situation, determine where you want to be, determine the tools you have to get you there and determine the obstacles that are in your way.That's what i am thinking about..will get out some pens and paper in a bit

A solution will present itself.

If all else fails - Sally has a spade...

I have a plot in mind as well...:rotfl:

ZTD

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

I have a plot in mind as well...:rotfl:

A plot as in "a plan", or a plot as in "a nice piece of bare ground with a view"?

boredofbeingathome

ZTD wrote: »

A plot as in "a plan", or a plot as in "a nice piece of bare ground with a view"?

Surely it involves both:D:rotfl:.....and i was thinking more of a barren area without the view:rolleyes::rotfl:

taxi73

So sorry to hear that you are going through all this again!!!ZTD..seems to have hit the nail on the head and you both seem to be on the same wave length.
How much longer can you put yourself through these emotionally draining times?...You have tried everything you can think of to resolve this situation including wanting counselling and yet he won't go!!!!..I really do feel your frustration!!!
If he wasn't in debt or you weren't in debt would you be together?..if the answer is YES then maybe there's something to be saved.If the answer is NO then there seems to be nothing left and maybe you'd be better apart.If he is keeping you in debt on purpose so that you stay then that is despicable!!!....children and debt are no reasons to stay together.
I hope you can free your mind from this turmoil and do what is right for YOU..whatever that may be xxxx
Hugs from me xxx

boredofbeingathome

The answer is i don't know Taxi. Without debt we would probably rub along ok together, most of the time we do i suppose. We have been together a long time although i feel like i married a complete stranger.

Today is just awful as he is not A1 either, but he is into avoidance mode. If you remember he made arrangements with Egg and what not, well they have his debit card details and he has paid monthly a reduced amount. They have been good and no interest or charges have been added. I find out this afternoon that they have resumed normal payments ( they sent him a letter) and so there is an arrangement payment on the 7th then one yesterday-total of £120 gone out. So there we go, Mr. avoidance strikes again...his answer was to say, i will ring them. Duh -when
I was told not to fuss because he is ill. When i mentioned about the money going in he said, well i would do the same if i had it....end of conversation and he is studiously ignoring me...although i have received a filthy look when i put the laptop back on. Shows there is life there anyway.

taxi73

I really really don't have any answers that can help you.
His avoidance must be so irritating...Maybe your best bet is what you came up with the other day.You taking control of everything and giving him pocket money.Is he open to that idea or is he ignoring that as well?

hypno06

big hugs to you bob xx