A new start for Mooloo

candygirl

Mooloo the bag is lovely, you are so talented hun :DGood news on twin 2s new house, and hope you work things out as you want them to be with BF.:A:A

SuziQ

and she can take on the daily visits to see that things are ok

IMO a very very bad idea. Biggest is no more trained to take on that responsibilty than you are Mooloo-after all, if she visits and find something wrong,just how quickly do you reckon SS will react? If it all goes wrong (God Forbid) then you and she will be left with the most awful guilt when you haven't actually done anything wrong. Can't you see what I am saying? They are taking advantage of you firstly and are now going to move on to Biggest. I really feel you need some proper advice on this and can't think who to advise you to approach. I am a highly qualified Health Visitor with many years of Child protection training and experience,even i would have problems taking on a supervisory role like this whith family as it fudges issues. She is herself very young, has not had a child herself and trying to stay objective with a family member is so so difficult.
She is giving up a job to do this? In this economy? What happens when she wants her own family? What happens if the twins have more babies that are removed from them? I would not be prepared tp put my oldest child in the position that you yourself have been in all these years,taking on the responsibilty of a sisters child, besides the fact your son has now walked away from this situation as he obviously also finds it all too much. I am sorry to be so harsh but my experience is screaming at me here that your oldest child will be as entrenched as you have been in a very short space of time, as SS will reduce,not increase their support once they have got this problem 'off their hands'.

Savvy_Sue

I must say I agree with Suzi, and she's speaking as a trained professional, where I am just a mum.

If Social Workers feel that a family needs a daily visit to ensure that all is well, then that visit surely needs to come from a trained professional or at the very least a skilled person from a reputable organisation, NOT a family member.

If Biggest takes on this role, and then finds a house further away so that the visits are no longer practical, how long will it take for this to be addressed?

If Biggest takes on this role, and Twin2 falls out with her as a result, what happens then and how soon is it before SWs get the situation sorted?

If Biggest takes on this role, and it all goes pear-shaped, who are they gonna call? I'll give you a clue, it's not Ghost Busters!

by all means let her call in on a friendly basis as often as she likes, and let her report any concerns she has to the SW, but not, not, NOT on any 'official' basis! And downplay any visits she plans to make, "oh, she'll pop in maybe once a week if she can".

Savvy_sewing

I think you both got that bit slightly wrong. She was not intending to do the visits on behalf of the Social Services. She was just going to do them on our behalf. Visiting, doing things together and helping each other. I am sorry if that came across the other way.
We were once a very close family, and we still are.
When My sister was living a few miles away from me, and we both had small children, I would walk over with biggest then, and help my sister with her 3, and take her shopping in my car when hers were at school etc.
I would walk over and visit her as her husband was a bit violent, and I was then, in a better situation then mysister was. I think that this is the kind of support that Bigggest is talking of.
No she has not had Children of her own, but she helped me since DS was born, she has masses of babysitting experience, not only with our family.
She has had hands on experience with all of the cousins kids as well. She is a natural "Mum" even though she has not given birth to a child.
She will not be giving up her part time job, just her full time one, and its not a very stable one anyway. If the conservatives get in, she will be redundant, as they make HIPs . She will also be looking for upping her hours at the parttime one, making it up to the 16 hours necessary for FTC if she does indeed not end up having the support of her BF. I must say however that her BF is very hands on with DGD now, and his family have already started to welcome DGD into their family. She will have another family to support her, as his Mum has already knitted her clothes etc. and volunteered afterschool collections etc.
Biggest is just going to do what she was wanting to do, except slightly differently as she is taking on her sisters child. In her eyes it is as natural as day to do this, and she doesnt see it as such a dramatic thing. She will possibly use this break time to have a child of her own, but who knowns.

If either of the twins have any other children, they have been warned that we could not be doing the same. One already has the implant and the other is due to have it soon.
Twin2 is to get Homestart help, once a week, Bromford Housing support, and a social worker, yet another one, as the one she has is not continuing with the family. She will have my parents around some of the time, and a network of support will be put inplace or SS will be setting her up for a fall.

She knows that I am not in a position to take on her Children, if it also comes to that, and we have had to discuss this.

I will not be taking on any further children under SS instructions.
I still have a big fight with SS to sort out The finances and the cost of my health etc etc . Hopefully highlighting the problems so that no other family should be so ill advised as I was, and lied to in the beggining.
I have to find the strength now to reserect my complaints and make sure that they really are properly investigated. I am hoping that my shouts will/are now being heard.
The living status of both Twins should be known within the next 10 days.
Twin1 I hope we will hear on Monday, Twin2 is just waiting for the date, now. The house is hers, as far as the housing association are concerned as she said yes, immediately.
The hope that they will all be in the same town and all within walking distance of each other, will be easier.
I can then reduce my trips out, and visit the town say once a week, and take it in turns either whose house we meet at, or if its nice weather, we can all meet up at the park etc.
This will save me petrol money, time, and energy. The latter being the most important.
DS will do his own thing, and I will be watching and waiting in the side lines, to help him if he requests it. I do pray, and fear that he got into trouble, but I also know that he is a good hearted boy, and he is dealing with this in the way he wants to, can do. If he feels comfortable in the home he is in, dispite my not really wanting him to be there, then I have to let him. I want him to be happy, and lets face it, its not going to be much fun for a 17 year old with a 2 year old, and a mother who is half dead by 6pm!
he will grow up, and choose his path, and Mum will be at the end of the phone, and have open arms for him if he needs me. He has finally got financial support from the benefits, so will not starve. He is looking for work, so fingers crossed.

Me, I have told the girls I am going to work on my health, and both of them have seem the state I was in/am in this week, and in their own way, they have offered me gifts of flowers and cookies. They cannot comprehend some of the things I know. But they are trying to stand up and do things on their own. I am continuing to Praise Up anything positive that they are doing.

having DGD longer then I expected is not so good. But I will just have to pace myself. Eventually the finances must come through. Meanwhile there are lots of cheap and cheerful things on this site to keep us going. I will just have to rise to that challenge.

Re EX?BF, we are to continue with our negotiations, and will meet up later when DGD has gone to Biggests for the weekend. I doubt it will be a very easy meet, but having "talked" via the MSN and the emails, have given both of us a chance to put our views without the other interrupting. and we have both, i believe, answered the other honestly. Its not going to be an easy process though, as not having managed to talk properly to each other for the past 5 odd years has not helped us.
Issues from when we first had the Pub, are still deep routed, problems with divorces and finances have got in our way. Keeping our guard up, has also got in the way. We are both stubborn and defencive when it comes to our families.
We both parent in different ways.
But we were at school together in the 70's, our parents knew/know each other, and although didnt keep in touch our Dads were both in the RAF together. We as kids have more in commen then we as adults have, however there is still a deep bond, or we would neither of us bothered to keep on trying over the last 3 years especially. Since loosing the Pub, my Bankruptcy, and then all this family chaos!.

Whether we can both continue to live this way, is obvious. No we cannot.
But can we see the same dream of life? We will have to see. Talking further will I hope bring us to our choices.
I do not have a transcript of what we talked about, but I have points still to cover, and I will make a note of things, and make sure that we tackle them. Its going to be an uncomfortable meeting, especially as I am not going to like some of his opinions, as he mine. But if we are to find any chance of continuing then we must get through it.

Right, I hope that I have come over a little better this time?
Its difficult to put things into words at times.

jackieglasgow

Wow!

You sound fantastic this morning! A lot clearer on your thoughts and plans, and very decisive. Good for you, have a good weekend, and I hope that the utcome with BF is what you want. Have a hug!

Jackie X

Savvy_sewing

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Wow!

You sound fantastic this morning! A lot clearer on your thoughts and plans, and very decisive. Good for you, have a good weekend, and I hope that the utcome with BF is what you want. Have a hug!

Jackie X

Ha Its one thing sounding fantastic, its another feeling it!!! But we must try.
The sun has just come out, thats a help.
I have until about 4pm at home, before I take DGD to Biggests, so I will just pace myself.
Breakfast first.
then a shower.
Mamouth effort to dress.
Rest.
Kitchen
Rest
Bathroom
Rest
etc etc etc:rotfl:

Savvy_sewing

The Social worker for twin2 just rang me, as he couldnt get hold of her. Said that the meeting with the father of baby2 was arranged for after the Healthvisitor at the centre, but now there is to be a peadiatric assessment at the Hospital in Northampton instead.
I said well if you cannt get hold of her, neither can I. I am ill. And I cannot get her there, as I am ILL. and I have DGD
His reply was well someone has to get her there, and I said well you will have to do it then!.
He was very disgruntled and stressed! Ha put it back in his court!.
actually that feels quite powerful!!!

DGD and I are trying to vacuum th front room, but shes having a go, and my hair is going up the pipe, now!.

Molly41

:T:T:T:T:TWell done to you regarding the Social Worker:T:T:T:T:T

I have been umming and aahhhing re SusiQ post as I felt it was rather harsh. Particularly in respect of Biggest taking care of DGD. Im a midwife by trade and have been around Biggest and DGD. There is a natural and deep bond between them and Biggest is very maternal and caring. I have been present twice when Mooloo and biggest have discussed the pros and cons of her caring for DGD. I have heard Mooloo ask Biggest if this is what she wanted? I suspect Mooloo is always checking this out. I agree that SS need to step up to the mark and hopefully they will have to...starting today if the the previous post is anything to go by.

I have a lot of admiration for Mooloo. She is a kind and generous person and she needs our support not our criticism. She is doing a very hard job supporting her children and grandchildren, despite her heath and financial concerns. She is succeeding in keeping her family together. I agree with her she cant forsee the future but only do what she can do today.

thorsoak

Wow!!! Well done you!!! Now Social Services will have to do what they are actually paid to do - not fob it off on your goodwill!

Savvy_sewing

Well I do feel "good" saying no, but I also feel I have let Twin2 down, by not being with her. However it really would not be possible to help get her there as I do have DGD and the logistics are not possible in my car. Neither does my fuel tank!.

Still not response to my letter in February about funding. So not all light is it