A new start for Mooloo

Savvy_Sue

Mooloo wrote: »

I suppose that I am still very soft.
I am not sure who is their social worker now.

But surely SHE knows who her SW is, or who to ask for help if she needs it? You all need to get out of the habit of thinking "I'll just phone Mum, she will do it."

Keeping_Motivated

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

But surely SHE knows who her SW is, or who to ask for help if she needs it? You all need to get out of the habit of thinking "I'll just phone Mum, she will do it."

I'm not sure I agree with this. What I mean is we have all read Mooloo's posts for a long time now and of course we are protective of her because of what she has been through with twins and also how badly let down she has been from most of the agencies who are supposed to help her.

BUT she is still a mum and ther will be times when she will go beyond the call of duty. I know I do. Most of the time yes she will have to take a step back if her health or money will not permit and yes she is only just learning to take a step back but I am sure she won't be able to say no all of the time especially as her twins have special needs.

This is not a criticism of you Savvy Sue as I have seen your very helpful and supportive posts on here.

Savvy_sewing

I still want to have contact with the girls and the grandchildren. It is hard for all of us to adjust I suppose.
I have always been there for everyone, so its difficult to not be. But I am saying NO more, I have put things on hold with them, and I will back off more as the new social workers get to know the girls. (I hope). They have only just been given thier own worker, after the duty workers were involved.
DS wants me to collect his mate to come over, and spend the night. I have just told him he will have to wait for a couple of hours, as I need to get some sleep before I do. (I could do with going to my mums to check the post anyway, )otherwise I might have just said no.!

Savvy_Sue

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

I'm not sure I agree with this. What I mean is we have all read Mooloo's posts for a long time now and of course we are protective of her because of what she has been through with twins and also how badly let down she has been from most of the agencies who are supposed to help her.

BUT she is still a mum and ther will be times when she will go beyond the call of duty. I know I do. Most of the time yes she will have to take a step back if her health or money will not permit and yes she is only just learning to take a step back but I am sure she won't be able to say no all of the time especially as her twins have special needs.

This is not a criticism of you Savvy Sue as I have seen your very helpful and supportive posts on here.

yes, I know, and there will be times when mooloo will say yes, but I guess I'm at the stage where I feel that if there isn't that challenge to the way things are done, then nothing will change, and mooloo will still be running herself into the ground and wondering where all the money's gone!

I think I responded to the phrase "will have to take her on Monday now" - my emphasis. If either of the girls can't get herself up and ready in time for a pre-arranged lift, but then just expects this to happen at some other time - well that's just WRONG! I know with my sons I can leave them to get on with it, and to pick up the pieces themselves when it all goes pear-shaped, and that it's not so simple for mooloo's twins.

BUT as long as mooloo carries on picking up the pieces, the support workers and social workers will a) let her do so and b) not realise how severe the problems are. Which doesn't really help anyone, does it?

Savvy_Sue

Mooloo wrote: »

I still want to have contact with the girls and the grandchildren. It is hard for all of us to adjust I suppose.

Of course you want contact, but wouldn't it be nice if it was you saying "I'll be nearby tomorrow, shall I call in?" rather than them it being driven by their need for lifts, money and organisation.

Mooloo wrote: »

DS wants me to collect his mate to come over, and spend the night. I have just told him he will have to wait for a couple of hours, as I need to get some sleep before I do. (I could do with going to my mums to check the post anyway, )otherwise I might have just said no.!

That's the way to go: do things on your own terms. There is something YOU need to do, and at the same time you can do something your son would like you to do. I presume he's cleared up the tip he left the other day? Mine has learned that there's no point asking me to do things for him if he doesn't do things for me! Eventually ...

Savvy_sewing

The tip was cleared...ish. But its better then it was. By miles.
DS stayed at his mates in the end, then changed their minds, so I didnt go. Put off visiting mums. Will go today, after accupuncture.
I am backing off from doing things for everyone, but I am doing it more slowly really then perhaps I should. I think the thing is twin1 is actually finding it hard to get into any patterns now she is on her own. She sleeps when ever she can, when BGP is, and hasnt sorted out her mess of boxes etc. Her BF has threatened to call things off if she doesnt get sorted. She wanted time with me yesterday. Twin2 wanted to tag along, but I said not this time. She sort of just said Oh OK, and I dropped her round the corner at the medical centre and carried on.
Bumped into my sisters youngest and 2 kids in town. She hung around with us for a while, doesnt want to go home, as hates living with the inlaws. She has to get out within 2 weeks, as there was a row.So she was roaming around town with both kids, for as long as possible to stay away from home while other half was/is at work.!
Right am running late for my accupuncture.
Catch up later.

Savvy_Sue

I can see where you are coming from, and appreciate how hard it is, BUT (as I think a few of us may have said before) you can't sort all this out on your own.

We have this the other way round, with me and my siblings finding that our parents expect us to ferry them around, and the more we do, the more they expect, even completely unreasonable journeys. They could catch buses to visit one of us, but they never do: if they aren't collected and taken home they won't go.

I don't know how you help Twin1 get into better habits and a routine, but maybe you can't. Maybe she has to miss a few appointments and let the alarm bells start ringing for the support services which are in place via her accommodation.

What you can do is spend time with her, in ways which work for both of you. If you drove to where she's living, but didn't then give lifts elsewhere, could you give a hand with boxes for half an hour? If she got a bus somewhere, could you meet up at a park with minimal driving for you? If you get on OK with the boyfriend, can you talk to him about how he can help her?

Savvy_sewing

I am back from Oxford. The Neurologist is sending me back to see the physio lady again. He said that the pain in my back is from my Sacroiliac joints. He wants me to see if things can be improved again by seeing the physio.
Go back and see him in 4 months again.
BF took me out for a ride in his little Burlington Arrow car yesterday evening. It was a lovely drive around all the county villages. We were driving around for about an hour and a half. I love driving with the wind blowing in my face/hair, and feel as if the trip blows all the cobwebs away! (As long as it doesnt rain on me!!).
Sue I am doing my best to back off. I was supposed to call in to see twin1 on my way back from the hospital today, but I just wanted to come home. So I sent a text and said so. (Before I would have gone as I had said I was going). She reckons the room is tidy now. Probably not to my standards but there you go.

Savvy_sewing

I have spent the evening on the £4000 a year challenge. So much information. So many good ideas. Where I was feeling very dispondent and lost earlier, I am already feeling much better, more positive and having ideas that I can implement if I can organise myself.
Biggest of mooloo was on the phone earlier, thats helped. She is so busy in her own life that I hardly see her anymore.
I plan to make the paper bricks for a start. They should dry quickly here in the greenhouse.

Savvy_sewing

Morning. I was feeling quite low yesterday. I am determind to get over that this morning.
Our Martin is on GMTV at the moment.
Spent quite a bit of time on some american web site about Organising the home. Lots of ideas that I have seen in various different places. But all on one site. Although I dont think I would go so far as cataloguing everything in the world or I would never get anything done. (I spend far too much time sitting here on the lap top as it is.).
Today I am staying at home. Waiting in for my cushion Pads to be delivered.
BF thinks I should sell my cushion covers. So I am going to see if I can spend a little bit of time each day building up a collection of covers out of the things I already have around. (Like the Disney Shirt I made on Sunday).
I am hoping to have a no spend day today. I know thats a bit rare for me.

My sweet peas that survived, are finally showing me a few blooms. Lovely colours. Just wish more plants had survived. BF's sweetpeas are glorious. He had a vase of them on the coffee table when I went there on Tuesday. Beautiful and they had a glorious scent!.
Maybe I will get it right next year!.
My carrots and onions look good though!