My kids are being bullied - What can i do?

littlemissmoney

If you earn too much to get housing benefit, would it be worth working less hours? This would also cut down child care costs and might mean you are better off? Try filling in www.entitledto.com assuming you rent, work 16 hours and have no childcare costs and see if you are better off than now (remembering you would also be living in nicer area)?

Taye

Im already claiming everything im entitled to but thanks for the suggestions.

I don't want to work less hours, im currently trying to do courses etc so i can get a better job and build a career.

Going part time or onto benifit's compleatly isn't going to build a brighter future for my family, the only thing it with ensure is that it 10 years we are still in the same situation we are now. I'm hoping for better than that.

I'm cabable of working there is no reason why i shouldn't be providing for my family myself, no reason for me to claim more from the state than i need.

I understand everyone is trying to help but changing my hours of work, moving into rented/council accomedation etc isn't the answer to what im asking, i live in my house it might not be much but it is mine, as much as anything on a morgage is anyones.

I've fought for 7 years to keep it im not about to give up on it now and let the goverment provide for me, to me that seems like a step backwards not a step forwards.

I don't want to seem ungreatful because really im not, i'm thankful for your kindness and suggestions, but im looking for ways of dealing with a bully not ways of running away.

My son is most likely always going to deal with these things in senior school especially, i need help dealing with that or in helping to support my son so it doens't make his childhood misrable.

I really don't belive running away is the answer as we can't spend the next 10 years moving everytime a child has a problem with the fact that my son is alittle different.

Snuggles

Taye wrote: »

I really don't belive running away is the answer as we can't spend the next 10 years moving everytime a child has a problem with the fact that my son is alittle different.

Taye, from having read your posts it seems as though this child is bullying you as well as your son. I totally understand that you don't want to do anything that might get you in trouble, but there must be an acceptable way to remove a child from your garden for example.

If I were you, I would contact the local police and see if there is a community support officer who could come and advise you, and perhaps have a word with the child and his parents too.

I really hope you can find a way to resolve this.

suekjw

Snuggles wrote: »

If I were you, I would contact the local police and see if there is a community support officer who could come and advise you, and perhaps have a word with the child and his parents too.

I think this is excellent advice.

I totally understand your viewpoint too Taye.

Taye

Thanks i'll contact the police, i wouldn't say this child is bullying me, he's trying perhaps but he doesn't worry/upset me after all he's just a child. Tbh i don't harbor any ill will to him as it's the parents i blame.

If it was my child acting this way there is no way i would allow it, unfortunatly he's not my child and i've sat down with my two on a number of occasion's and explained why my hands are tied because he is not my little boy and i am not allowed to punish him. (my youngest asked why i couldn't ground him.. bless... he said that if he was that naughtie i'd ground him, and he's right i would)

If my child was causing this fuss in someone else's garden i'd DRAG him home, unfortunatly this little boy is not my son and im wary of touching or in any other way manhandling him even if the intention is just to remove him from my garden as legally im not sure what rights i have? and where the line is as i don't want to cross it and end up in trouble myself. (not only with the police, but no offence this little boy has a dad and im a lone woman in a house)

I think it's very sad that this little boy has so little respect for his elders, but unfortunatly my stern words and warnings fall on deaf ears as the boy is bright enough to understand that realistically i can not prevent him doing what he is doing.

I think what makes it worse is that the father of the boy almost encourages it. Last night broke out like other nights have, I went "AGAIN" to see him, and his father actually suggested that the problem was not with his son, but that mine needed "toughing up" and perhaps abit of bullying would be "good for him" perhaps he needed simply to learn to fight back.

no offence, my youngest Will and does fight back, but 3-4 against 1 (1 who is several years younger than these boys i might add) isn't a fair fight and isn't going to do anything other than possibly injure my son.

As for my eldest, he hasn't got a fighting bone in his body, i did once tell him to "hit back" and he said "he was scared incase he hurt XXX" i tried to tell him that was the point, that maybe if he did hurt him he wouldn't keep bullying/hitting him..

He refused to even try because he didn't want to hurt anyone. (well accept his brother apparently siblings don't count :rotfl:) thats just the way he is ... caring to a fault, no matter how mean and horrible this little boy is he still keeps trying to be friends and i love him just the way he is so i don't want to turn him into something he is not.

liney

Do you not have a friend with a bigger boy, or an older cousin? I don't condone violence, but if your son needs "Toughning up" according to this man, perhaps his son needs the learn the "Theres always someone bigger then you" lesson. What a prat.

CSO sounds like a brilliant idea in all seriousness. If nothing else they can instruct you what "reasonable force" you can use to protect yourself and your child. Of course you can remove someone from your property. Of course you can intervene when someone is being assulted. If the parents don't like it then they can sort their children's behavior out.

Snuggles

Taye wrote: »

Thanks i'll contact the police, i wouldn't say this child is bullying me, he's trying perhaps but he doesn't worry/upset me after all he's just a child. Tbh i don't harbor any ill will to him as it's the parents i blame.

If it was my child acting this way there is no way i would allow it, unfortunatly he's not my child and i've sat down with my two on a number of occasion's and explained why my hands are tied because he is not my little boy and i am not allowed to punish him. (my youngest asked why i couldn't ground him.. bless... he said that if he was that naughtie i'd ground him, and he's right i would)

If my child was causing this fuss in someone else's garden i'd DRAG him home, unfortunatly this little boy is not my son and im wary of touching or in any other way manhandling him even if the intention is just to remove him from my garden as legally im not sure what rights i have? and where the line is as i don't want to cross it and end up in trouble myself. (not only with the police, but no offence this little boy has a dad and im a lone woman in a house)

I think it's very sad that this little boy has so little respect for his elders, but unfortunatly my stern words and warnings fall on deaf ears as the boy is bright enough to understand that realistically i can not prevent him doing what he is doing.

I think what makes it worse is that the father of the boy almost encourages it. Last night broke out like other nights have, I went "AGAIN" to see him, and his father actually suggested that the problem was not with his son, but that mine needed "toughing up" and perhaps abit of bullying would be "good for him" perhaps he needed simply to learn to fight back.

no offence, my youngest Will and does fight back, but 3-4 against 1 (1 who is several years younger than these boys i might add) isn't a fair fight and isn't going to do anything other than possibly injure my son.

As for my eldest, he hasn't got a fighting bone in his body, i did once tell him to "hit back" and he said "he was scared incase he hurt XXX" i tried to tell him that was the point, that maybe if he did hurt him he wouldn't keep bullying/hitting him..

He refused to even try because he didn't want to hurt anyone. (well accept his brother apparently siblings don't count :rotfl:) thats just the way he is ... caring to a fault, no matter how mean and horrible this little boy is he still keeps trying to be friends and i love him just the way he is so i don't want to turn him into something he is not.

Hi Taye, I probably shouldn't have used the word bullying, what I meant was the child seems to know that you are powerless to stop him, and he is exploiting it, but you obviously know that anyway.

I really feel for you, it is incredibly frustrating when you are trying to do the decent thing, but you come up against other parents who just don't seem to care. So many kids don't seem to stand a chance of learning how to conduct themselves as decent human beings because of the example set by their parents.

As awful as this situation is, at least you know you are behaving with dignity and respect, and setting a fantastic example to your sons.

Do give the local police a call and see if they can offer any advice. Best wishes.

sarymclary

I have had this in the village where I lived for 9 years. My sons didn't attend the local school, went to a grammar school, and were singled out as targets to be bullied. My eldest son is very quiet, and very non-physical, my 2nd eldest is very trusting, and just wants to be friends with everyone, and would be lured into playing with the gang of kids, who pretended to be his friend, and then would corner him in the park, and the gang beat him up.

In the end, after trying to advise them to ignore the kids, walk away when they started shouting abuse, etc., the final straw was my son being jumped from behind walking home after going to the local youth club, run by adults in the village. He was punched & kicked, and had his school bag and guitar thrown across the road. I called the police, and despite there being no witnesses to the attack, there was a successful prosecution of this child. My son had to give video evidence, but in a cosy environment, and the advice I had from the police was that the more people complained about the horrible kids, the more amunition they had to deal with them.

I have got in my car and chased a gang of kids before now, shouted at them and demanded they make an apology. The more they realise that you are a force to contend with, and that you will make a stand, and stand up to them, the better.

The bully seems to have been advised of his 'rights', and seems to think he's teflon coated. He's not. You are well within your rights to restrain him appropriately. If he is holding onto your child, or hurting your child, or attacking you or another child, you are able to restrain him. You cannot hit him, or punish him.

You really do need to speak to your local police force, and maybe popping into the local police station might be a wise idea.

Incidentally, are the family in mortgaged or rented housing? If it's rented, you can complain to the local council or housing association about their behaviour. I recently mentioned to a local bobby about a new neighbour we have who makes an unnecessary amount of noise morning til night, and he suggested I pop by the station to collect a nuisance diary, where I can document all incidents.

I think you need to get some support from local agencies and the local authority. Contact your local council, social services, and the police and your local MP (if they're not too busy stealing our cash). Everytime there is an incident, document it, and contact them again. You cannot allow this to continue, or to increase in seriousness. This bully is only going to get bigger, and braver. It needs to be nipped in the bud.

Incidentally, just because someone is in private housing doesn't necessarily mean they can't be removed from housing. A family at the bottom of our old housing estate were moved by the house builder after allowing their house to become infested with mice, and creating a huge nuisance to their neighbours. It was the 2nd time it had happned to them, so it is possible.

I just think you need some support, and practical advice as to what you can do. In the meantime, I'd find some activities for your children to do away from the kids outside, even if it means planning a walk in the evening, or baking flapjacks, making ice lollies, playing a board game, etc.

Get in touch with Gingerbread too, and that should give you contacts in similar predicaments to you, who have children of similar ages, who might be a bit nicer for your boys to mix with, and thereby extending their social circle. Maybe your older son would benefit from befriending some older children outside of school too, and you could have a hand in instigating that.

I'll try to think of some more ideas for you, but I do think you need to get onto the power that be to back you up here. Being a single mum is really hard, and I had been warned that sometimes you get singled out for aggro, because they know that there's no male authority figure to contend with, and it's true. My BF would visit me at my house, and there'd be not problems, but as soon as he was away from mine, it would all kick off. My immediate neighbours tried bullying me, and we even had the previous tennant's son try to break into the house within a minute of me driving down the road, and 2 of my children were still in the house! Unfortunately, there's far more scum out there than there used to be, and they're not ashamed to be that way.

Taye

liney wrote: »

Do you not have a friend with a bigger boy, or an older cousin? I don't condone violence, but if your son needs "Toughning up" according to this man, perhaps his son needs the learn the "Theres always someone bigger then you" lesson. What a prat.

CSO sounds like a brilliant idea in all seriousness. If nothing else they can instruct you what "reasonable force" you can use to protect yourself and your child. Of course you can remove someone from your property. Of course you can intervene when someone is being assulted. If the parents don't like it then they can sort their children's behavior out.

No unfortunatly no friends or family (someone play me some tiny violin's please :cheesy: ) so i can't even get some bigger kids to go give him a push around !!! grr ... besides im not sure sinking to that level is the example i want to be setting to my kids.

I will certainly be giving the police a call see if i can get some advice from them. :T

Taye

Gosh sarymclary i hope your son recovered!! i certainly want to stop it before it reaches that sort of level.

The family own thier home privately so im not use i can get them out but thanks for the advice i'll see what the police say and i'll start making a diary of incident's.